Customer Reviews

The New Joy of Sex

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

As a forty-something year old guy, I'm just as interested in sex as much as the next guy (or woman), so naturally I do sometimes wander to the Relationships section at the local book emporium and check out the guides on lovemaking. Yes, there are many such books out there (Anne Hooper seems to have made a good career for herself with her own series of "how-to" guides!), but the late Alex Comfort's The New Joy of Sex is by far the best.

Updating his 1972 bestseller for the 1990s as a result of the AIDS crisis, Comfort supplements his always helpful advice from the 1970s edition with new sections in which he discusses safe sex, the importance of sharing and respecting a partner's needs or fantasies. Even better, Comfort uses language that is both informative and pleasing to the ear. He also avoids being overly clinical; knowing how most people talk about sex, he doesn't shy away from using colloquial [phrases] when referring to genitalia. Best of all, Comfort advises his audience that sex is something very human and essential to any meaningful relationship, so it should indeed be a source of joy.

Beautifully illustrated throughout with photos by Clare Park and drawings by John Raynes, The New Joy of Sex should be read at least once by any couple seeking to enhance their relationship.

As a sexuality educator, I am always looking to refer clients, particularly teens, to good books about enhancing sexual relationships. Having read so many positive reviews about this book, I was distressed to see how incredibly offensive, heterosexist, misogynistic, and just generally dated it was.

For example, to refer to the rear entry position as "La Negresse," is beyond disgraceful. In addition, to make such statements as "To need some degree of violence in sex... is statistically pretty normal," to say that "Medicine is concerned about [bisexuals] because... they spread the HIV virus into the general sexual community," and to refer to lesbians as "simply women who have given up on men after a lifetime spent kissing frogs who failed to turn into princes," gives a very limited, inaccurate, and disrespectful view of sexuality as a whole.

The book also makes sweeping generalizations about people from various cultures, as well as sex workers ("prostitutes"), "transsexualists," who he incorrectly says are "mostly male," and as mentioned above, lesbian, gay, and bisexual people. He warns, "Don't take on a person with a major sex problem, such as... homosexuality." Heaven forbid a teen - or a person of any age who may be questioning her or his sexual orientation -- gets her or his hands on this book.

With so many negative messages bombarding our society about sexuality, can we not try to be less flippant and more positive and accepting -- or at the very least, tolerant?

When updating a book, one must focus not only on amending factual information -- which is not even done correctly in all cases here (i.e., AIDS is not a virus, it is the last stage of HIV disease; nothing is mentioned about transmission through breast milk, etc.) -- but also on our ever-changing, hopefully progressing, societies. This book is far from progress; it belongs in the middle ages.

I remember when this book was re-issued, it got lots of press. A couple years later, my buddy suggested it to me, saying that he heard it was great and so on and so forth so I picked it up. There was nothing earth-shattering in there. The author gives some suggestions about things to try in bed, but there was very little that I couldn't figure out on my own.

I also strongly disliked the preachiness of the book. He takes the attitude that what is right for him, is right for everyone, which came across as being very closed-minded. For example, we hear about why the woman shouldn't shave her legs or armpits, why deoderant is bad, and in the section on anal sex, rather than explain how to do it more painlessly for the woman, I got to read 2 pages on how dangerous it is with AIDS so "prevelant" among heterosexuals.

Well, I don't like women who don't shave; I don't like body odor, and I enjoy a little backdoor action once in a while from a monogomous partne! r. If you can get past the preachiness of the book, you may find one or two useful tips in the 200-odd pages it contains. Not recommended.

If you object to the politicization of sex, to the sentimentalization of sex, or if you suspect that the cultivation of primal, glorious human sensuality has been kidnaped by ideologues masquerading as sex educators who seek to advance their own agenda, then you will find Alex Comfort's "Joy of Sex" a refreshing, unvarnished, and unapologetically candid treatise on human sexual experience and potential. This book was a masterpiece when published in 1972, and it remains so now. Those who think it merely a "sex manual" have missed the point, and those who think that opinions in matters sexual must always be deferential and sensitive will doubtless be happier with other, less thoughtful books on their shelves.

Comfort is a scholar and a philosopher, a classicist and a biologist and a physicist and a doctor, and he brought the breadth of his erudition to bear on this seminal--forgive the pun--book. Comfort clearly believes that the cultivation of the senses frees us from slavishness in the face of coercive moralizing, and those who have their own moralizing to do--be it from the left or the right--will naturally find this book their greatest foe. I expect Comfort would have smiled at that. Comfort does not accept all sexual habits as healthy-in-their-own-right, as some modern sex-educators do, but instead puts forth a common-sense philosophy of rational sexuality that he believes will help to make us better people, and certainly help us to increase our capacity to love.

Comfort wrote this book (and a few others) in an attempt to free people from the horrors of having their most basic needs--emotional, intellectual, physical and of course sexual--be determined by the injunctions of a culture, any culture. Comfort believed that the individual cultivation of the senses provided the best and most honest way to democratize our minds and our bodies, and he sought to help people realize this potential by teaching them how to express themselves sexually with those they love in a technically competent, mutually trusting, playful and uncomplicated manner. All of this bothers some people, and it is a measure of Comfort's success that it now bothers those who want to tell others how to make love, rather than those who think that we should not make love at all.

Anyone who accuses Comfort of "heterosexism" (as he sometimes is) has not responsibly represented this book. On page 241 of the 1991 edition Comfort writes "All people are bisexual--that is to say, they are able to respond sexually to some extent towards people of either sex...." and "...homosexuality is closely analogous to left-handedness, and may have similar causes in brain function (which makes nonsense of talk about it being `unnatural' or sinful)." Unquote. Comfort is too informed a biologist and psychologist to ever suggest that homosexuality is somehow `wrong,' and insightful specialists will appreciate Comfort's recognition that a minority of homosexuals are profoundly unhappy with their orientation. ("...and the measure, we repeat, of whether it is a problem is whether it causes anxiety and interferes with sexual joy...." p.246/1991). If readers object to Comfort's references to various historical and historically French terms ("a la negresse," "a la florentine," "la petite mort"), they should remember that Comfort has made clear that race is biologically irrelevant (p.136/1991), and that only a fool would attempt to ignore (or worse, reject), the past. Comfort assumes that his readers are responsible and bright, and given the book's sales over the last thirty years, that's a form of respect that most people cherish. And which, alas, some readers do not deserve.

To approach lovemaking as an art and a sacrament is far too much to ask of the average man or woman, (and clearly far too much to ask of the average sex educator), but that didn't stop Comfort from trying. And critically, it didn't stop him from placing that ideal before us. That was part of his genius, and it's one reason this book remains a classic. The cultivation of the senses (to change Peter Gay's phrase) is among the most important developments of the modern era, and more than any other popular writer Comfort has helped to make that development possible. Comfort is a perfectionist and a master, and if you want a glimpse of the sexual potential of which two committed, loving, intelligent and emotionally honest people are capable, then you can do no better than to read this book cover to cover, twice. It was the best in its time, and it's the best now. It will remain a classic long after the latest sexual fad is gone.

This book is terrible, for all of the reasons previously mentioned. Instead of providing useful information for improving the sexual experience, the author spends his limited expertise preaching to women about how to be more desirable to men. In addition to the aforementioned instructions re: shaving and deodorant and the outrageous comments about the evils of bisexuality, the following excerpt, from a section about bidets (obsolete, in the author's opinion) should be enough to turn away most enlightened women I know:

"...a woman looks better showering than sitting on a bidet like a battery hen...keep the douche, and the bidet, for cleaning up after menstrual periods."

Ugh.

Enough said?

Why the asterisk? Well, just three initials of caution: STD's. That being said, if you are in a committed, safe, fidelitous relationship, then you should enjoy your partner and yourself in all the ways you can. This book is sort of a 'primer' on how to do just that.

So why a book on what, well, is just so normal and natural? Because knowing the 'basics' makes the 'advanced' so much more fun! I remember finding this book in my parents bookshelf. They weren't really hiding it from me, but they weren't showing it off either. I remember turning the pages seeing the vivid illustrations and hoping my parents didn't do THAT and secretly hoping that one day I would. Typical teenager. A few years later, I actually read the text.

But I learned some things from those 'secret' readings. One was that everything I felt and thought were pretty normal. And another was that sex is healthy and a basic part of the good life. Reading this book didn't cause me to run out and act like a sex maniac. In fact, I think it helped to temper me somewhat.

It was written by a medical doctor who understood not only the emotions of sex but the physical intracacies as well. In a gentle way it pointed out what was healthy and what could be troublesome. The book wasn't condescending or preachy, just good solid advice you weren't likely to get in a back alley or with a group of your friends. We were too busy lying to each other anyway. And unfortunately you wouldn't get the advice from most family doctors due to the stigma connected with talking about sex.

I noticed from Amazon that this book is about to be re-released in January of 2009. I'm glad that it will be available to a whole new generation of readers. After all, things have changed a lot since the 1970's and knowledge is power. It has also been updated periodically during the years since it was published.

"The Joy of Sex" covers so much ground so it is safe to say you probably won't get it all in one reading. It is a book to read over again and learn about this most basic and so many times misunderstood drive in human nature.

Take this book, mix liberally with kindness and commitment and you have the recipe for deep satisfaction and enjoyment. Excellent book!

This book really helped me get more out of my sex. It made making love alot more intresting--To sum it all up- You will come back to research this book again and again!! END

I am a 40 year old guy who has Dr. Comfort to thank for his suggestions in "Joy of Sex" that women should not shave their armpits. Too many people who should know better have made the mistake of equating armpit hair with body odor and this simply is not the case. My partner of the last 15 years has never shaved any of her body hair and has always been attractive to me.
She used to feel uncomfortable about it sometimes and was considering shaving for the first time in her life and then read "JoS". Combined with the text of that publication and fully realizing how much I appreciated her natural look made her much more comfortable and at ease with herself. This book was informative and entertaining in what may be called an "old fashioned" way but hey it was written in the early 70's. If there is a criticism it may be that some of the sexual intercourse positions may be unattainable for lesser endowed men which fortunatley I don't have to worry about but all in all was a wonderful read and I would advise anyone and everyone of legal age who has even the slightest interest in sex to read it and even for those of us who are vastly experienced, it could still provide some very interesting advice and ideas.

The book has some good points. I was very annoyed with the author's bias view on sexual body parts. He is a medical doctor yet uses vulgar terms for women and medical terms for men. Hm, sounds a bit chauvinistic to me. There is much to be said for the positions suggested in this book. I purchased the book but returned it after discovering that it was void of how to have "Joy".

This book was not at all what I expected and I was very upset that I wasted my tme and money on it. It is not up to date with today's times at all. When I bought this book I s loking for an informational guide on the joys of sex- instead I got a one sided opnion from a man who seems not to be up to date with todays society. I dislike the way he referred to homosexualty,transexuals,and experimental people as if they were wrong,and they were not normal-very insulting and discrimminitory to those individuals,and to me personally. So if you are looking for an outdated medocre publication then this book would be just right for you.