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The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work Paperback – January 29, 2008
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2016 Book Awards
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“Terry Real helps overturn old-fashioned, confining roles and opens up a treasury of hope for lasting and exciting intimacy for couples everywhere. This is a wonderful, joyful, and highly useful book.”
–Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Crazy Busy
“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. This book offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture.”
–Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Busting
“If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps–real steps–the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love.”
–Cheryl Richardson, author of Life Makeovers
“Terrence Real offers a brilliant, winning strategy for achieving the full-tilt, authentic, exhilarating connection both women and men crave. Real’s revolutionary program is sure to lead them to it–with the dignity, fairness, and humor that characterizes his work.”
–Dalma Heyn, author of Drama Kings
“An amazing guide to developing powerful relational skills. It is served up with great wit and a keen sense of humor–a great read.”
–Pia Mellody, author of Facing Love Addiction and The Intimacy Factor
“Groundbreaking, insightful, funny, this book brings readers the inside scoop. Sharing the deep and simple truths, it offers us practical wisdom everybody can use to make love work.”
–Bell Hooks, author of All About Love: New Visions
From the Hardcover edition.
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
In both this book, and in his prior "How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women" (also excellent, similarly challenging) Real faces head-on the reality that many women come into couples work with fierce anger, maddeningly frustrated with trying to achieve true emotional intimacy - Real says `relational intimacy' - with their man. His premise is that many women's responsibilities and aspirations have grown as part of the women's movement and their resulting, empowered roles, during decades when many men's roles and expectations have progressed less dramatically. As difficult as the tone of the anger and complaint, Real suggests the substance of women's satisfaction is right-on. He makes a good case for this, which will provide some much needed vindication for women readers.
This book -- like its predecessor -- is full of composite examples of couples-therapy sessions where the woman's attitude sounds in complaint and anger. As a guy, this anger feels withering. The man presented in these composite examples typically sounds clueless, mystified, and deeply hurt by his mate's harsh anger. Both the anger and the instinctive male response are sincere, and is true to my own experience trying to get help in couples therapy. So initially, I have found Real's analysis very alienating.Read more ›
Highly recommended read...
The author describes the difference between men (who retreat into their caves to avoid intimacy and work on problems) and women (who retreat into anger to avoid problems and end up limiting initimacy). Becoming self aware is an essential aspect of operating in the world, if we are willing to be honest about our behaviors we can become more functional.
I also listened to the Audio version of the book and it was much more informative to hear the examples and conversations in this format. Having a tendency to drift when I read such examples, hearing them was better.
The behaviors identified, practices provided, and exercises are well worth the effort. We don't expect ourselves to be trained in our occupations, why is it we expect that we will be perfectly skilled to succeed in relationship? It takes learning, and enough esteem to realize we don't know everything about making it work.
This is a great start to intimate health.
I am making this book required reading for all my clients and am planning to use it as workbook to help them put their relationships and marriages back on the right track. Get it, study it and you will see what I mean.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Excellent and challenging. A therapist who tells it plainly and invites you to expand your sense of what is possible in relationship.Published 1 month ago by Earth Mother
As a marriage therapist, Mr. Real's book is among the four or five that I count among the best. While his approach is not necessarily the right fit for all couples, if you are in... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Jeffrey B Cohen
Absolutely identify with everything Terry says in this book, so relevant to my own situation.Published 1 month ago by Vanessa Vang
Would make a great gift for young couples. Worth reading for the succinct explaination of the five losing strategies that trip us up, and the very clear explaination of healthy... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Mr.Monk
I haven't had a chance to finish reading yet, so far has been a great read!Published 5 months ago by Grayhawk
Terry is a terrific story teller and knows marriage and the pitfalls and joys surrounding it. I am a marital therapist and I have all of my couples read this book, and tell them... Read morePublished 6 months ago by Amazon Customer
Terry Real is a great couples/family therapist and is on the cutting edge of new things in the field.
Highly recommended. Not same ole same ole. Relational therapy.