New Rules: Polite Musings of a Timid Observer [Audiobook, CD] [Audio CD]

Bill Maher (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1, 2005

From his hugely popular HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher, come more New Rules. No one is safe from Maher's scathing humor in this hilarious collection.

NEW RULE
Former drug addicts and alcoholics have to stop saying I almost died. No. Cancer survivors almost died. Mary Jo Buttafuco almost died. You almost had too good a time.

NEW RULE
George Bush must stop saying he owes all his success to Laura. George Bush owes all his success to his daddy, his daddy's friends, trust funds, legacy admissions, the National Guard, the Supreme Court, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, and AA.

NEW RULE
You can stop releasing Star Wars now. We've seen it. I don't care if it's in the boxed set, if it's re-mastered or re-digitized, if there's bonus scenes or director's commentary, it's still a space movie for guys who can't get laid.

NEW RULE
Enough with the for dummies series. The last straw was this week when I saw NASCAR for Dummies. Let me save you the $12.99. It's rednecks drinking beer and watching other rednecks turn left.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Book Description:
Bill Maher is on the forefront of the new wave of comedians who have begun to influence and shape political debate through their comedy. He is best known not just for being funny, but for advocating truth over sensitivity and taking on the political establishment. Maher first came to national attention as the host of the hit ABC-TV program Politically Incorrect, where he offered a combustible mixture of irreverence and acerbic humor that helped him to garner a loyal following, as well as a reputation for being a controversial bad boy.

Bill Maher's popular new HBO television show, Real Time, has put Maher more front and center than ever before. Particularly one regular segment on the show, entitled "New Rules," has been a hit with his ever-growing legion of fans. It is the part of the show during which Maher takes serious aim, bringing all of his intelligence, incisiveness, wit, and his signature exasperation to bear on topics ranging from cell phones ("I don't need my cell phone to take pictures or access the Internet. I just need it to make a phone call. From everywhere! Not just the places it likes!") to fast food ("No McDonald's in hospitals. I'm not kidding!) to the conservative agenda ("Stop claiming it's an agenda. It's not an agenda. It's a random collection of laws that your corporate donors paid you to pass.")

His new book, the first since his bestselling When You Ride Alone You Ride with bin Laden, brings these brilliantly conceived riffs and rants to the written page. Appropriately titled New Rules, the book will collect some of the best of the rules derived from previously written material and will also contain substantial new material, including some longer form "editorials"--of course with a twist and bite that only Bill Maher can deliver.

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Rule Breaker: An Amazon.com Interview with Bill Maher

In New Rules: Polite Musings of a Timid Observer, Bill Maher skewers celebrity, pop culture, and politics in his classic acerbic style. With a new season of Real Time with Bill Maher and an upcoming HBO Special (his sixth), Bill Maher: I'm Swiss, on deck, Maher also found the time to host Amazon.com's 10th Anniversary Concert at Seattle's Benaroya Hall. Amazon.com caught up with Maher upon his return to Los Angeles to talk about the book, the comic's night-table reading habits, the Internet, and what's wrong with the media.

Read our Amazon.com interview with Bill Maher

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More from Bill Maher

Books:
When You Ride Alone You Ride with bin Laden	Does Anybody Have a Problem with That?	True Story: A Novel

DVDs:
Bill Maher: I'm Swiss (DVD)	Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home (DVD)	Bill Maher: Be More Cynical (DVD)

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Though it's often true that the audio adaptation of a humorous work is better than the print edition, particularly when read by the comedian who authored it, one gets the sense that this production isn't all that it could have been. Maher's delivery is well-timed, but the audio, with its lack of music or embellishment, has a bare-bones feel. Nevertheless, the sound quality is good, and those who appreciate Maher's wry sense of humor and, in particular, who are familiar with his HBO series, Real Time with Bill Maher, should enjoy this collection of witticisms. Maher has established some new rules for our "self-obsessed, success-by-any-means, get-mine culture," and he tackles everything from food ("Cornbread isn't bread. It's cake") to the environment ("The big oil companies must stop running ads telling us how much they're doing for the environment. We get it. You rape the Earth, but you cuddle afterward"). While the alphabetical list format doesn't make for the most flowing listening experience, Maher's expert delivery ensures that each joke is as funny as when he originally presented it on Real Time.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio CD
• Publisher: Phoenix Books; Unabridged edition (July 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1597770299
• ISBN-13: 978-1597770293
• Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 5.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (195 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #946,905 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

66 of 73 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars New Rules, Rules!, September 30, 2007

By 

Edwin C. Pauzer (New York City) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer (Hardcover)

Bill Maher, ascerbic comedian, claims that we all lived by rules, even if the rules were just "Stay off the grass," or "Don't Feed the Ducks." So, new rules becomes his signature before each witticism. For example, according to Maher, the best way for terrorism to be defeated is to ensure that the terrorists all receive plenty of sex. He suggests, "New rule: We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks,... a brigade of girls who just can't say no--all under the command of Colonel Ann Coulter, who'll be dressed in her Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S. uniform. Girls, there's a cure for terrorism and your...it."

Such comedic salvos are pithy, creative, and irreverent. Maher's language is often salty, and everyone and everything is grist for his mill. Although decidedly anti-Bush, he takes potshots at democrats alike, and most importantly, at himself. "... Something is very wrong when the only one fired over terrorism is me." (Too many times people turned their attention toward me to find out why I suddenly laughed out loud).

It would help the reader to have already heard Maher's voice and delivery. It might give each joke more impact. Nevertheless, this man's star is on the rise, and so is his book.

"New Rules," rules!

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Re-run, Re-wind, Re-play, December 7, 2005

By 

D. Ertel Jr. (Virginia, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer (Hardcover)

I love Real Time with Bill Maher, especially the New Rules segment. (HBO and Tivo Rule). This book was very good, but I had previously heard almost all of the material. I was expecting some additional materials or some insight beyond the show script. Having said that, it was fun to re-live the rules and I could almost hear Maher's voice as I read them. A personal favorite rule is - "The people who were most in favor of the war in Iraq must go there and fight it."

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Guts and Honesty, August 15, 2005

By 

greenpete (Ohio, United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer (Hardcover)

I read about half this book in the bookstore and couldn't put it down. It's hilarious, and hits the mark! Maher verbalizes a lot of what many of us feel, but which some of us are too intimidated to discuss during these ultra-patriot days in America (Congressional singalongs to "God Bless America: ok, we get it, you're with us... now get back to work!").

Although Maher obviously leans to the left and isn't afraid to take shots at Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld and Co., neither does he spare the Democrats (he gives France kudos for standing up to the Bush administration, "which is more than the Democrats in Congress are doing").

Guts and honesty. Two virtues sorely lacking in this country today. Thanks Bill, for not being afraid to tell it like it is and remaining "politically incorrect."