Customer Reviews

The Next Step Babywise II: Parenting Your Pretoddler (5 to 15 Months)

5 star:		(37)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(39)

 

 

You have to read the entire book cover to cover to glean the excellent information contained within. My son is thriving, delightful, happy, and yes--he sleeps through the night. The number one rule is USE YOUR JUDGMENT!! if you're making your kid miserable with the rules, well duh, it's bad parenting! That same parent is going to fail with the opposite method...! Might as well get some sleep while you're at it. This book is brilliant with advice, but needs to be read carefully. There are many contradictions contained within and it isn't very well organized--but once you sift out the confusions, the GOLD IS THERE.

Being fully aware of the controversy surrounding this book, I took the advice of a friend who has a wonderful, happy baby and read it before the birth of my first daughter. For the most part, it seemed logical and healthy, so I tried it from day one. It's not easy and let me ease your stress that my baby never did it perfect, . She had a hard time with the sleep/feed/wake cycle for the first couple months, but I did it the best I could...at 6 weeks she slept from 10pm to 6am...it really works! Even if your baby doesn't do it perfect, I think it's the establishing the metabolism with the regular feedings, but she is now a happy, healthy, THRIVING (in 95%ile in height and weight)baby girl who sleeps 12 hours a night since she was 10 weeks old!

(The only thing I was a little shocked by is how long he suggested letting them cry. Now that I have a baby, I understand the difference between different types of cries and know that sometimes she needs to fuss it out while other cries mean business and I'm there in a flash! However, he doesn't say this, but I firmly beleive, you should never let newborns "cry it out". They need to have that establishment of trust first...get to know your baby and then decide when it's okay to let them just cry - that's why the 4 stars, not 5).

Anyway, it's great - just be a thinking human being and make it work for you. I also highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I pretty much use both of them and do what works best for my baby.

Read this and believe it...it really works!

As a breastfeeding mother of two toddlers and former schoolteacher, I have read a lot of info (books and articles) on parenting over the past three years and have talked personally with over 100 parents trying to find out what works and what doesn't, etc. The Ezzo's practical advice is some of the best I've encountered. No, their advice is not for the fainthearted, nor is it for anyone wanting easy, quick, "warm-fuzzy" parenting tips that will make them feel better about not disciplining their child. As the authors emphasize in this hard-line but very rewarding approach, you want to make your child know that the world does not revolve around him or her (starting from day one, not when they are out-of-control three year olds), but that they are a MUCH LOVED, welcomed addition to your family. I have spent time working with literally hundreds of children and young adults (from infants to college students), and have had the opportunity to speak with many parents. In asking parents who had well-adjusted, well-behaved, mature, and caring children how their kids turned out so well, EVERY one of them mentioned that they consistently used disciplining principles, the same kind of principles discussed in Babywise (many younger parents actually said they used the Ezzo's Growing Families program and the Babywise books). I even know some people who have tried several child-rearing philosophies (including Sears') who said that the Babywise principles were by far the best. As for critics of the feeding program, many don't read the entire book or they get defensive and think, "How can these people be telling me what to do?" The authors give very specific guidelines (much more specific than La Leche) for discerning if your baby is being fed enough--use them!! A baby can be underfed no matter what feeding philosophy you use. I've known Sears' and La Leche babies who were severely underfed, and the mothers were so worn out from sleep deprivation they could barely concentrate on the needs of their child. Read the book, but realize you can still be flexible; they address this issue as well. As the book points out (hard as this is for us to realize or admit), babies can learn to manipulate after only a few days in this world--talk to neonatal nurses if you don't believe it! You can spoil your child--the question is, do you want to? I believe parents owe it to their children and their families' state of mind (and their future teachers!)to at least read the advice in the book given and look into implementing some of it, if not all. Happy parenting!

I am not someone who believes that all babies should necessarily be sleeping in their parents' beds. When most people hear about co-sleeping they think it sounds pretty extreme. But this book is just as extreme in a different direction: I think it is a horrible testament to the 1990's parenting philosophy that says babies should be as convenient as possible for their parents.

The truth is babies aren't terribly convenient for a while. Not giving them what they need most when they are small - responsiveness - won't change the nature of a baby, only their 'sense' of the world and their level of anxiety.

Here is an example from the author's approach to babies: The author not only advocates letting small babies cry-it-out to 'train' them sleep but does not even advocate responding to the baby if its blankets are off and the baby is cold. He advocates preventing them from getting cold in the first place with heaters or warm pajamas, but not responding if your efforts fail for fear of creating a habit in the child.

First of all, if the baby gets cold, it IS your failure and you should fix it. Second, once a child is old enough to fix the blankets themselves this will not be a problem, mitigating the risk of habit. Finally, ask yourself: how would you feel if you were cold in the night and physically not able to do something about it? Seriously, I am glad this guy is not my dad.

He doesn't feel parents should respond when their child is in pain, either (teething, etc). You wouldn't let your 7 year old cry unconsolably in the night from pain, so why in the world would you let your 7 month old?

He refers to the parents' urge to respond as a weakness and describes them as softhearted. Failing to offer small babies comfort when they cry is unnatural. The simple truth experienced parents know is that children change parents' lives and occasionally interrupt their sleep. That's parenting. People who like this book are probably first time parents, young parents, or people impressed with the author's Christian background (believing they are in keeping with their devotion to Christ by following the author's advice). Or maybe just tired and desparate parents...

Be assured that as a child's body and mind develop they become more physically and psychologically capable of finding ways to satisfy their own needs and understand limits. Responding to a baby's cries will NOT create an unruly toddler 2 years later. But the smaller the baby the more responsiveness they need and this makes the first year - and certainly the first 6 months - a lot of work.

Skip this book. There is more compassionate and realistic parenting advice out there.

I loosely followed the ideas in Babywise and my baby slept through the night at 16 weeks (he was 3 weeks premature). The way to use this book is to use its ideas to try to establish a schedule for you baby and good eating/sleeping habits, but not to force anything on your baby. Above all, feed the baby when he is hungry. If you use the book combined with common sense, no baby is going to starve or fail to thrive.

This book was a God send! I am an 'old' mother with 14 years difference between my last baby and my newborn. After 2 weeks of every 1 to 1 & half hour feedings, no sleep, constant crying with mixed signals of hunger & sleepiness and a feeling of frustration & desperation, a friend recommended BabyWise. I found many answers to my questions and concerns.
My baby girl has been sleeping 5 to 6 hours nightly since she was 4 weeks old, and is starting to sleep longer, as she gets closer to 12 weeks old. She has learned to enertain herself lying in her cradle (in my home based office) and watching her mobile while I write this review. She is NOT crying and fussing because someone is not holding her or giving her 24-7 attention. She appears to sleep better when she goes down for her naps and is a joy when she is having baby wake time. Versus the previous fussing, tired, and bad tempered baby I had from lack of quality sleep and proper eating experiences.
I found the advice refreshingly wholesome, old fashioned, full of COMMON SENSE, and REALITY based information. Something that I have found lacking in some of the books I have encountered. I love my baby dearly but I continue to have a life and a real need to provide income to my family. I couldn't continue to breast feed 'on demand' the way it was going. Now, Baby and I both feel happy & content, as I continue to nurse, and enjoy that closeness with my baby.

Just another fantastic book of ideas from Gary Ezzo. No, he does not have a degree in pediatric medicine, but he is a parent and grandparent whose thoughts about child-rearing are refreshingly old-fashioned. As a new mom, and a former middle school/high school teacher of 10+ years, I know what kids experience who have not learned self-restraint or self-control. Those are the kids constantly in trouble, craving discipline by external methods, and taking time and attention from other children who are able to control their impulses and stay focused in the classroom. It's a shame that more people don't follow Mr. Ezzo's ideas. Our daughter is thriving on the Babywise system -in the 75% range for height/weight -and at 5 months has been sleeping through the night (at least 8 hours) since 10 weeks old! I highly recommend not only this book, but all in the Babywise series.

The Babywise philosophy provides a great common sense guide to parenting. I found that by establishing a routine my life and my babies life works rather harmoniously. I had no idea that such slanderous controversy surrounded this book. I never saw hunger signs from my child except when it was "time" to eat! Also, the discipline advice is excellent. It reminds me of the kind of discipline the WWII generation was accustomend to. When we take our daughter to dinner it is clear that many other parents are allowing their child to run the show rather than the parent running the show. My uncle once advised me to remember...You are the adult. Great advice for a parent who gives in to a childs every whine. I also enjoy the Nanny 911 show on TV and I can see a great parallel in the philosophy of the nannies on tv to the philosophies outlined in Babywise. Its common sense! The sad part is society encourages us to indulge our every whim but that is creating selfish individuals not Godly individuals.

A review from babycenter that says it better than I can:

Baby care book could be dangerous (Child magazine, August 1998). Babywise advice linked to dehydration, failure to thrive ("AAP News," April 1998). A Tough Plan for Raising Children Draws Fire: Babywise Books Worry Pediatricians and Others(Washington Post, February 27, 1999).

These startling headlines refer to the top-selling and highly controversial childcare guides On Becoming Babywise and Babywise II, written by Gary Ezzo, a self-described Christian pastor, and endorsed by Robert Bucknam, a pediatrician. Chances are you've heard of these books; since it was published in 1995, On Becoming Babywise reportedly has sold more than 290,000 copies. Babywise is recommended for parents of babies up to 5 months old, and Babywise II addresses parents of children 5 to 15 months old. Soon to be released is On Becoming Childwise, a guide for toddlers through 8-year-olds.

Ezzo, who has no formal theological or medical training, is executive director of the for-profit organization Growing Families International (GFI). With his wife, Anne Marie, Ezzo runs church-based classes for parents who wish to give their children a rigid religious upbringing. Although few readers know it, the Babywise books are the secular versions of Ezzo's original parenting program, which includes guides such as "Preparation for Parenting" and "Growing Kids God's Way" (GKGW). The content of these guides is based on GFI's own unpublished self-conducted studies. The studies have not been subjected to peer review, which means there has been no independent, professional evaluation of the studies or their findings, the usual method of verifying the worth of scientific studies.

Despite the fact that Ezzo has a large and growing following - reportedly more than a million families in 93 countries, with his books translated into 17 languages - distress over his program is also growing. What are doctors, lactation specialists, and child development experts - some of whom are Christians - concerned about? Ezzo's self-designed, strictly regimented feeding program, called Parent-Directed Feeding (PDF), which has a parent put their newborn on a strict feeding / waking / sleeping schedule. Rather than feed a baby when he shows signs of hunger - a technique known as demand feeding - parents are instructed to feed by the clock. The goal? Ostensibly to establish routine in your baby's life from day one and stick to it no matter what.

A recent outcry from medical and child development experts persuaded Ezzo to revise his 1998 version of Babywise to say that babies should be fed when they're hungry. However, the book still instructs otherwise: Parents are told that if their baby doesn't eat at a scheduled feeding, he must wait until the next one.

About six years ago, alarm bells went off when doctors began seeing more and more infants who were showing signs of failure to thrive, poor weight gain, and dehydration. When questioned about their feeding practices, many of the parents admitted they were following Ezzo's PDF program. And though they could see something was drastically wrong with their infants, the parents found it hard - sometimes impossible - to blame PDF. After all, they were following the advice of a Christian pastor and a pediatrician. How could such experts be wrong?

Members of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the highly respected body of primary care pediatricians, have found a great deal wrong. In fact, in April 1998, after receiving a letter signed by a hundred doctors, lactation specialists, and childcare professionals exposing a number of Ezzo's statements as unsubstantiated and false, the AAP issued a Media Alert. In it, the AAP directly contradicted Ezzo's advice on scheduled feedings, and instead advised parents that "newborns should be nursed whenever they show signs of hunger, such as increased alertness or activity, mouthing, or rooting. Crying is a late indicator of hunger. Newborns should be nursed approximately eight to 12 times every 24 hours until satiety."

The AAP is currently reviewing several parenting programs, including Gary Ezzo's, and within the next couple of years will publish guidelines to help parents evaluate the programs. For more information, visit the AAP Web site.

Doctors and Christians part company with Babywise

Matthew Aney, M.D., a Christian pediatrician and member of the AAP, worries that the advice in Babywise doesn't allow for individual differences among breastfeeding mothers and babies. He points out that while some parents may be able to follow the PDF method, Ezzo offers no alternative for those who can't. It's a one-size-fits-all prescription that can leave parents who "fail" the program feeling guilty and filled with doubt about their parenting skills. Aney found parents were often reluctant to admit they were following the PDF schedule, especially if they had a strong religious commitment to the program.

Aney points out at least 35 unsubstantiated medical "facts" in Babywise. Here are three examples:

* "Demand-fed babies don't sleep through the night."

* "A mother who takes her baby to her breast 12, 15, or 20 times a day will not produce any more milk than the mom who takes her baby to her breast six to seven times a day."

* "Mothers following PDF have little or no problem with the letdown reflex compared to those who demand-feed."

Aney says that Ezzo simply throws out these statements without offering data to support them. He is also disturbed by Ezzo's questioning of recent research that shows that putting a baby to sleep on his back will reduce the chance of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Ezzo says that the research is not conclusive, and that experts used questionable methods of gathering data. In fact, research conclusively shows that back sleeping has reduced the incidence of SIDS by about 30 percent.

BabyCenter's sleep expert Jodi Mindell says that while babies thrive on schedules and routine, she doesn't know of a single medical expert who supports using a PDF system. "Babies should be fed when they are hungry. Limiting a baby's feeding times is physically and emotionally dangerous," Mindell says.

James McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, agrees. "The Ezzos appear to be the masters of the 'one-size-should-fit-all' school of childcare," he says. "Their simplistic, judgmental, and utterly self-serving program confuses personal and religious values with science, and strictly controlled infant care with successful parenting. The two are anything but compatible."

It's not just doctors and researchers who have parted company with Gary Ezzo and GFI. The board of elders of Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California (the church where Ezzo first developed his parenting guides), issued a public statement ending all association with Ezzo and his GFI ministry. In their statement, they express concern about GFI's rigid feeding schedule and the organization's "blurring of the line between that which is truly Biblical and simple matters of preference." The elders worry that GFI's parents tend to isolate their children from those outside the GFI community. They also feel uncomfortable about Gary Ezzo's practice of responding "with exaggerated and even false accusations against his critics."

Another respected Christian organization that does not support the use of Ezzo's materials is Focus on the Family. The group has received numerous letters from parents, pastors, midwives, physicians, and lactation professionals reporting cases of failure to thrive in infants subjected to the PDF program. In a letter to Matthew Aney, one member of Focus expressed concern that parents who follow Ezzo's "controlled feeding proposals" could even wind up abusing their children.

The Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange County, California, expressed similar fears. In a public document, council members reported their concerns about the risk of physical abuse to children when parents follow "Growing Kids God's Way." They note that "although the Ezzos advocate several alternatives to corporal punishment, they include the use of a strip of firm rubber to strike children." The council worries that condoning corporal punishment could lead some parents to abuse their children.

With so many people speaking out against it, what is the continuing appeal of Babywise?

"The appeal of Babywise is that everyone wants a good night's sleep, and everyone wants their kids to turn out well," says Kathleen Terner, a research associate at the Christian Research Institute who has spent several years investigating GFI and its programs. "Ezzo promises both if you follow his book faithfully. His information is very specific and is presented as foolproof. Sadly, many parents believe that if something is in print, then it has to be true."

In an article in the Christian Research Journal (Spring 1998) called &quo

First of all, someone needs to clear up the fact that a previous out of print edition of this book has been linked to failure to thrive, not the current addition. In the old one, the author encouraged the reader to follow a strict schedule for feeding and never mentioned that a hungry child should always be fed. The edition that has been in circulation for the past few years says many many times that a hungry child should always be fed, even if they just ate. People need to quit making claims that this book is linked to failure to thrive and the Amaerican Academy of Pediactrics needs to change the warning to make it apply to the old edition. I question the credibility of ezzo because he failed to tell readers all the info and also because he has a shady past both in Church and also with his business history. However, I cant deny the fact that his most of his advice is really really good. I have been a newborn nurse/nanny for many many families and I am telling you that the babywise method is good stuff for the most part. A feeding schedule is not bad at all as long as the baby gets enough often enough and is growing and peeing at least 6 times each day. Babywise just helps you to guide your child towards a feeding schedule so that the both of you know what comes next and life can be planned around the anticipated needs of your baby. Parents need to read with caution and before a baby is ever allowed to cry for more than a minute, the parents need to spend a few weeks learning what each cry means. If a baby is hungry or in pain, please never let him/her cry. If a baby is tired and needs sleep, give him what he needs. If he cant fall asleep in your arms or at the breast and stay asleep once put down, then you need to teach him to fall asleep without being held. If you can see yourself picking him up and rocking him back to sleep each time he wakes then by all means go ahead and rock him to sleep. Just be aware that natural wakings occur at 15 minutes, 40 minutes and then in about 90 minute intervals after the baby falls asleep. If your child is used to being rocked each time he needs to fall asleep, you might find your self spending most of the night and day rocking and breast feeding your baby. If you put the baby down before he is overtired, or before the second yawn, then the crying will be minimal or non existant. Read the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer in conjunction with Babywise and combine the 2 theories for a gentle yet structured and predictable way of taking care of your baby. The Baby Whisperer gives you wonderful cues to be able to tell if your child is hungry, hurt, tired or just in need of love. Please use your common sense. Spend hours daily holding, rocking feeding and singing to your child. Just insist that your baby gets good rest so that those times you spend together are happy for you both. If hearing your baby cry stresses you out too much, then it is not good for YOU even if it does not hurt you child. If you give your child lots of love and attention during the waking/feeding times, he/she will not feel abandoned just because you put him down and let him cry for 15 minutes. You want your child to get good rest and your are doing what is best for him. That is what matters. Read the books but follow your brain, it wont get caught up in emotion and fatigue when your heart will.
Good Luck!