Customer Reviews

The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is one of the best books about developing assertiveness in women that I have EVER read. I would heartily recommend this to everyone. Men also will benefit from reading this book as it will empower them to help women who want to change the self-defeatist patterns that being a Nice Girl can only bring. Men will also recognize changes and hopefully be ready to support new, assertive behaviors.

Engel does an excellent job of defining "The Nice Girl," the woman who has developed self-defeast behavior patterns of going along with others at the expense of her voice, her identity and her self. Each chapter itemizes the behaviors; provides excellent examples of clients who have fallen into these traps and tools of empowerment to recognize and break out of them.

The payoff is great - not only does a person's self esteem rise with assertiveness, they gain greater respect from others. Absolutely NOBODY can respect a sycophant and this book provides helpful tools to dodge the Sycophantic False Agreement Syndrome.

Just reading this book is an uplifting experience. Readers will want to reclaim their voices ("John here, speaking with his voice! -- John Lennon, 1963) and their dignity. Helen Reddy's 1973 song, "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!" could be the soundtrack of this book.

This book is not only a Tool of Empowerment; it is the key to a whole lifestyle change.

I was fortunate enough to find a copy of this book at my local library. I was really interested in reading it as I've been especially frustrated with my 'life-situation' as of late and have noticed a pattern of people using me. I'm the perpetual pleaser who grew up with a depressed dad and a mother who tried to walk on water to save him from misery and self-sabotage.

I've found myself in friendships and relationships that seem so draining and I've also been mistreated at jobs, school and social gatherings. The common thread? Me! My boyfriend doesn't seem to work near as hard at giving as I do. He's content to not make all the conversation, not to have to make all the social plans and doesn't wake up in a hurry to make breakfast (as I do for him). He's the un-Nice Guy but it works well for him. He's authentic and puts himself first.

Engel does a terrific job of presenting all the excuses and attitudes of the Nice Girl...so much of society and culture demands that women do everything on the domestic front and still have careers and strong personal relationships but this seems to be a seriously corrupt system. Super-woman doesn't exist.

My work of untangling myself from being a Nice Girl will take lots of time and this book offers lots of great exercises to help.
Nice Girls like me tend to get resentful, disengaged and isolated in our trepidation to relinquish perfection and the needs we have to meet (real or imagined). I will read and re-read this book because niceness is an addiction not easy to break.

I thought this book was awesome! I couldn't put it down because I needed to know more and learn more. As a quintessential nice girl, this book helped me realize how some of the things I was doing to be "nice" to protect myself from being hurt were actually putting me in a position to be hurt more often.
You can tell the author really has a caring perspective and even responded personally to an email I sent her.
Whether you're a woman who's always trying to be "nice" or just someone looking for a great informative book, read it!

I just cannot but this book down! I am way too nice and have had a host of people take advantage of me, and this book is giving me the knowledge to understand why and how, and the strength to make a change. I am now getting a handle on all the emotionally abusive relationships I hold on to, and hopefully with the help of this author, I can work more on putting my own needs and feelings first. This book is highly recommended for the young woman who struggles interpersonally and needs key principles to keeping herself safe and sane.

This book is excellent. It changed my life.
I want to recommend this book to all young girls especially Asian girls who came to live in the US. I'm an asian woman who moved to nyc in my 20's. Living in the city for 8 years, being smart is not enough. Women need to be strong and able to stand up for themselves.From my real life experiences, there are many bad influences in subtle forms in this city. Asian women are easy targets for strangers with bad motive who hide it well. They know that Asian culture trains women to be submissive and it's easy for them to take advantage of us.
This book helps me understand myself better, and makes me aware of the consequences if I do not put effort to change myself. It helped me get out of real life bad situations. I first got this book from a library . After reading it, I purchased one.

The author does an alright job of identifying different "types" of doormat women. Admittedly I fit into some of the stereotypes a bit more than I'd like. The problem with the book is this: after identifying a stereotype, she spends a long time recounting vague and often directionless personal accounts of patients she's had that fit into the category, and then about two seconds offering a vague or overlysimplistic solution to counteracting the negative behavior. Finally she ties a bow around the chapter like "Ta-da!!!!" as if she's just solved a giant problem. I would have appreciated a better disection of each former patient's healing process and advice that was supported by the research of multiple professionals in this field.

Nice job from Beverly Engle. Both society and family messages often manage to teach girls that being accomodating is proper when in fact it attracts those who prefer to dominate. This well spoken book allows the do gooder to see herself and understand that her behavior is not doing her any favors. Gave this book to a 19 year old who twitched and turned as she saw herself in the nice girl portrait. Girls need behavior skills they have not learned at home to be treated fairly. This book plants their feet on the right path.

It seemed like this book was written just for me. It answered all the questions I wasn't having answered in therapy. Engel takes a cause and effect approach. I knew that how I was feeling was "valid" (so my therapist and everyone else told me) but I was having a hard time internalizing it. This book has empowered me to the point that I feel like a different person. If you're a nice girl, you need to read this book! This is my new bible.

By way of background, I have been facilitating women's therapy groups for the past 15 years and am always looking for resources.

This book mysteriously appeared in on my office desk. I assumed it was from one of my women's group members. However, when I asked no one from there had given it to me. After reading it and reflecting on my own history, I suggested they get a copy and read it. The power of this book in the lives of woman who want to move to a different level in their lives is phenomenonal. It is a must read for every woman who grew up with those "nice girl" messages.
Dr. F. Jackson

I guess I wanted to a book to help empower me to stand up for myself. Some tips on saying no, etc... This book seemed more for women that are in abusive relationships.