on March 13, 2009
This book is a handbook for life. If you're one of those women, and who isn't, who make others more important than themselves, and feel "less than" for being such a people pleaser, this book is for you. The specific suggestions that Daylle gives for handling yourself in a variety of situations are priceless. I used some for handling my mom, who drives me crazy. She's slowly responding and understands more why we fight so much. Daylle regularly reminds us to smile when expressing dissatisfaction or asking for something. I've noticed a change in how others respond. And it feels better! If you don't want to believe that nice people always finish last, read this book!
on August 1, 2012
this book opedned my eyes on many aspects. before i buy this book, i expected what i have read. as it promised, it delivered good information about how to deal with people who we allow them to hurt us. being polite is mistaken idea. i liked the part of not being polite in this book and how it was explained. ladies you must read this beek. good information provided for worker women. but i disagree with the part claiming to supress anger.
on November 7, 2013
I have purchased 4 more copies for others who forgot the power and respect of "NO" we learned as a toddler. The world will stripp you down and leave you naked and cold. This book helps you to put your pants on 1 leg at a time like selfish people. I say selfish with respect because we have to save our selves first or we cant save anyone eles. So I guess it is like a survival guide for those who forgot self preservation techniques. Gotta go, its me time! These toes wont paint themselves.
ps. Nothing is a perfect fit so yes the responses must be adapted to you & your cultural preferences. Survival threw adaptation. (lol maintaining the evolution blog theme)
on October 18, 2009
This book helped me. I'm a nice person, a peace-maker, people-pleaser, collaborative sort. But I also have very high standards and like things done right. So, I can also be a judgmental, perfectionistic, argumentative sort which surprises people who are used to my doormat persona. I get irritated with people who don't care or who are lazy. I don't like working with people who "posture" and don't really know as much as they pretend to or who optimize all their actions for how they will look rather than for achieving quality. I've had to learn how to tone down my negative comments to get the job done right. This book helped me learn how to still be nice and be liked even when having to corral people into doing the right thing when their inclination might be to get away with doing the easiest thing instead. I'm a recovering doormat who learned from this book how to talk softly and carry a big stick. Thank you, Daylle Deanna Schwartz!
I like her ideas in general and the way some are re-framed in ways that can lead to positive change. For example, I liked the idea of thinking of exercise and diet as a way of taking control of your life. I never thought of weight loss as an aspect of an "I'm in charge" mindset, but I can see that being more effective than the usual self-defeating "I can/should/must", and most of the ideas here follow that same paradigm shift.
So why 3 stars? Some ideas aren't new such as saying "no" when you really want to say "no."
But I really had difficulty with her suggested comebacks for dealing with various situations such as problem personalities. The comebacks assume that the problem personality types are deliberately trying to annoy or are fully aware they're The Problem, and neither may be true. Most suggested comebacks came off - to me at least - as unnecessarily sarcastic, dismissive, insensitive, and for someone over 35, bordering on immature (and nothing like what I had in an assertiveness-training class). I wouldn't say these things myself, not because I'm some kind of doormat but because I don't see these as being helpful or a means to improving difficult relationships. (More like a fire-starter.) Twanging off a flippant "Thanks for the advice - I'll think about that the next time it comes up" to a know-it-all who might be intending to be helpful isn't exactly a bridge-builder to better communication and understanding.
Overall, there's a lot of good ideas here for a wide variety of situations and the way you view and respond to them. But I'd be careful about the verbal responses you craft when managing these situations. "How to Say It," "How to Be An Assertive - Not Aggressive - Woman," or "Your Perfect Right" might be good resources for that.