Nice Girls Don't Drink: Stories of Recovery [Paperback]

Sarah Hafner (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 089789247X | ISBN-13: 978-0897892476 | Publication Date: February 28, 1992

With skill and compassion, Sarah Hafner, a recovering alcoholic, elicits from 18 women their struggles and triumphs as they fought alcoholism in a society where women are already given second class status. By interviewing a cross-section of women, Hafner makes readily available the identification process found so helpful in various recovery programs. These stories reveal the personal side of a disease that afflicts approximately 10.5 million Americans, nearly half of them women, and directly affects the many millions who share the alcoholic's burden--their friends and relatives. Nice Girls Don't Drink invites us into the lives of women from all segments of our society--rich and poor, gay and straight, women in diverse ethnic groups and a variety of occupations. Housewives, salesclerks, counselors, and artists are here together telling of a disease that transcends the distinctions of class, education, and culture. With courage, candor, and even flashes of humor, the women recount the early influences that led to their addiction, often including alcoholic or abusive parents; how alcoholism took over their lives; crucial turning points; and the recovery that enabled them to reclaim their dignity. The book guides readers to sources of help, and lists the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and the thirteen affirmations of Women for Sobriety. A monument to the resilience of the human spirit, Nice Girls Don't Drink is a source of inspiration for the female alcoholic, but more generally, it is for anyone struggling to overcome an addiction or other handicap with the goal of living a more complete life.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Hafner, a recovering alcoholic herself, compiled these interviews with 20 recovering women alcoholics because she felt that they could serve as examples and their voices needed to be heard. Society, she argues, looks more critically at women drinkers than at men, and women are more afraid of being caught and seeking help. The stories her subjects tell, harrowing yet hopeful, partially confirm her theory that it's different for women. Many women alcoholics, like men, have abusive and alcoholic parents, but other factors, like addictions to food and Valium, seem more common among women drinkers. Most interviewees swear by Alcoholics Anonymous, though several note problems: an ex-prostitute met her old tricks at an AA meeting; an Army wife says it's hard to "talk about hormone problems, or living with a male alcoholic." Of several voices for a women-oriented recovery approach, the strongest is that of Jean Kirkpatrick, founder of the 30,000-member Women for Sobriety, which aims to give women some empowerment. In AA, she notes, "the basis is humility," which women already have in sufficient quantity.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“. . . these accounts of blackouts, bloating, the DTs, and mental illness may give sufferers of the disease the encouragement they need to find help. Of particular interest is Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick's own story and her conclusion that women alcoholics need a different type of recovery program than men do, which led her to organize Women for Sobriety. But there are as many versions of recovery as there are human beings, and other women are satisfied with the AA method. Hafner doesn't take sides. She simply presents the stories and offers hope. Appended material includes `Where to Go for Help,' `The 12 Steps of AA,' and `Thirteen Affirmations of Women for Sobriety.'”–Booklist

“Harner, a recovering alcoholic herself, compiled these interviews with 20 recovering women alcoholics because she felt that they could serve as examples and their voices needed to be heard. . . The stories her subjects tell, harrowing yet hopeful, partially confirm her theory that its different for women. Many women alcoholics, like men, have abusive and alcoholic parents, but other factors, like addictions to food and Valium, seem more common among women drinkers. . . Of several voices for a women-oriented recovery approach, the strongest is that of Jean Kirkpatrick, founder of the 30,000-member Women for Sobriety, which aims to give women some empowerment. In AA, she notes, "the basis is humility," which women already have in sufficient quantity.”–Publishers Weekly

“. . . Hafner has reached out to eighteen recovered alcoholic women . . . through her book, Nice Girls Don't Drink. Their stories are painful, even brutal, yet ultimately inspiring, recorded in voices unmarred by psychobabble or sociological generalizations.”–New Directions for Women

“Hurrah for Hafner!”–Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick Executive Director Women for Sobriety

“The resounding message we get from the excruciatingly eloquent voices in this book is that women alcoholics have needs that society is not heeding, and certainly not addressing. Perhaps the underlying theme--which echoes long after the reader puts the book down--is that alcoholism itself may be more symptom than disease, and that the real devastation of these women's lives is an absence of self-worth. Nice Girls Don't Drink is a cry for help we dare not ignore.”–Phyllis Hobe Author of Lovebound: Recovering from an Alcoholic Family

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 264 pages
• Publisher: Bergin & Garvey Paperback (February 28, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 089789247X
• ISBN-13: 978-0897892476
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #862,673 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Riveting Stories, February 1, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Nice Girls Don't Drink: Stories of Recovery (Paperback)

I enjoyed reading this book. I could relate to a lot of what these women were saying...fear...codependency. One line that sticks out is in one women's story she said if you think your drinking was in control then it must of been out of control at some point. This stuck home to me...I was getting out of control. I liked the back of the book how it entails the 13 affirmations from Women in Sobriety and also lists the 12 steps of A.A. I recommend this book for any women who has been drunk on more than one occassion. Another good point was one women questions what was the pain of her drinking....

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Color of Truth is a Rich Grey, June 23, 2002

By 

Robert Neill (Amherst, MA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nice Girls Don't Drink: Stories of Recovery (Paperback)

I am not an alcoholic. I am not a woman. I am not chemically addictive. So the world of alcoholism and drug addiction, especially as it impacts women, is psychologically remote to me. I read this book because I have read and enormously admired Sarah Hafner's novel, THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE, which struck me as hauntingly like a good deal of the best Salinger. In moments, I found it truer than Salinger.

The color of truth is what characterizes this book for me. At first, I was struck by the sameness of the tales these women tell. And then, I began to realize, that's the point. It is essentially the same story told over and over. And because the cruelty and pain that fills them all, as cruel as it is, is not sensational, is not dramatic, does not have the unfamiliarity of the truly original, you gradually come to realize that that is precisely because it is not original, unusual, special. It is ordinary hell just as hell is. No fire and brimstone, just ordinary, miserable, hopeless unhappiness into which these women wander and from which they emerge. Though the apparent cruel causes of their addiction are all there to be seen (abuse, denial of love, and the rest), they are clearly not the real causes, they simply trigger the real cause, which is a physical vulnerability to chemical addiction. And though the causes of their emergence from heavy addictive use of chemicals are also faithfully reported by these women - a word, an impossible to deny moment of self-awareness, etc. - it is even more difficult to be sure that these apparent causes are the real ones either. There is only so far we can see into ourselves. All we can be sure of, as we listen to the women tell their stories of recovery, is that at some point something in them grew stronger than the addiction. It all feels, especially as you read these stories consecutively, as mundane and ordinary and opaque as we know the truth out of which fiction is made, to be. It is all a rich gray.

Sarah Hafner's aim here seems finally to be precisely this: to take the glib sensationalism out of alcoholism in particular, and by doing so to offer hope. The reality of addiction, as terrible as it is, is not the demonic thing we outsiders have made it. It is just terrible wretchedness, different in degree but not in kind from the wretchedness most of us have known. This book reminds me some of Hannah Arendt's book on Eichman in which she discovers 'the banality of evil.' It is only fantastically horrible from outside. On the inside, it is banal. It is totally human experience, it is absolutely continuous with the human experience we know. It is not something safely outside and beyond us, painted in gaudy shades of red and yellow. We are not safe from it.

And alcoholics are not fundamentally different from us in any way beyond their inherited chemically addictive natures. It is the lives their addictive natures leads them into that are different.

One final note: Because Sarah Hafner is a fine writer, she knew enough to trust her subjects to tell the story she wanted told. Had she been more intrusive, had she said the kind of thing I've said here, her book would be less powerful and affecting than it is. The best writers know how to turn their stories over to their characters.

14 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars None of those women were me., April 17, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Nice Girls Don't Drink: Stories of Recovery (Paperback)

As a women, a mother, a wife, a student and a teacher, I did not see myself in any of the women in Nice Girls Don't Drink. My life is successful. I have not had any of the "consequences" of heavy drinking but for more than three years recovering from my love affair with alcohol has been foremost on my mind. Perhaps there are others out there, who, like me, drink too much but don't fit into to the "AA" mold of an alcoholic.