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Nightmarriage [Kindle Edition]

Chad Thomas Johnston , Danny Joe Gibson , Mark A. Montgomery , Jason Barr , Darin M. White , Megan Frauenhoffer , Dan Billen , Ben Chlapek
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $13.99
Kindle Price: $4.99
You Save: $9.00 (64%)

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Book Description

Chad Thomas Johnston’s Nightmarriage is a whimsical memoir that explores the terrors of marriage and the perils of parenthood. Adapted from Johnston’s blog series of the same name, Nightmarriage proves that, when two people marry, their flaws tie the knot, too. In essays such as “My Wife, the Black Hole,” “Hearts and Jumper Cables,” “Knives and Wives,” “Honeymoonwalking (to Jail),” and “Blessed Are the Tentmakers,” Johnston weaves stories on his literary loom that are equal parts luminous and lunatic.

Writing as only a minister’s son with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder can, Johnston has crafted an observational ode to both the blunders and wonders of wedlock, and his writing is punctuated accordingly with absurd alliteration, appalling puns, and madcap metaphors. Nightmarriage is a must-read for fans of David Sedaris, Robert Fulghum, and Anne Lamott.

While Johnston created the cover art himself, the interior of the book features original work by artists BARRR, Dan Billen, Ben Chlapek, Megan Frauenhoffer, Danny Joe Gibson, Mark Montgomery, and Darin M. White. The appendices of the book also include Twitter stream excerpts, recipes, artist information, and other miscellany from the world of Chad Thomas Johnston.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Praise for Nightmarriage:

Nightmarriage is a finalist for a 2013 Shirley You Jest! Book Award in the non-fiction category.

***** (out of 5) “No one writing today can sling language around like Chad Thomas Johnston. Like the knives on the book's cover, his words slice through common places, coming out clean and sharp. And always pointed: the brilliant wordplay serves the purpose of dazzling insight.”—Peggy Rosenthal, author of Knit One, Purl a Prayer: A Spirituality of Knittingand co-author of Reclaiming Beauty for the Good of the World: Muslim & Christian Creativity as Moral Power

“The manner in which Johnston relates (his story) is winning: with a mischievous heart, as well as with a high regard for how the world-altering—such as the pending arrival of a child—sometimes can be discerned in the small, domestic detail.”—Brian Burnes, The Kansas City Star

“Johnston revels in wordplay throughout the book, using alliteration, assonance, and a pinch of puns to leaven the often serious issues of marriage and parenthood with his charming lunacy. He skewers his wife and he skewers himself again and again, and the repeated banana-peel-slips become a kind of healing mantra.”—Tyler McCabe, IMAGE Update, biweekly newsletter of IMAGE Journal

"'Nightmarriage,' 'Abra-Chad-Abra,' 'Honeymoonwalking' . . . If I had a dime for every winning pun on the trials and triumphs of early marriage and parenthood that Chad Thomas Johnston has to offer in his debut, I still might only come out with a dollar (now that I consider the actual math). But what a dollar it would be—rarer than a silver one, and in its own right a golden one. With it, I can go a long way toward paying off the renovations of the heart, ‘a home under construction,’ as Johnston describes it with his other recurring literary device—or rather, the lack of one: honest-to-goodness thanks for the persistence of grace."—Bradford Winters, writer for HBO's Oz, Starz's Boss, and FX’s The Americans

Product Details

  • File Size: 1738 KB
  • Print Length: 217 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0615825559
  • Publisher: eLectio Publishing (May 27, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00D1MATY6
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,057,916 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I read the book out loud to my wife and we laughed all the way through. I love the play on words and the marvelous way the author teases the reader with catchy phrases and creative imagery. Chad Johnston's unique perspective on relationships, marriage and parenting reflect healthy values informed by Christian faith and an awareness that we're all flying by the seat of our pants in this thing. 'Nightmarriage' is a great read and an absolute delight. I'm looking forward to Mr. Johnston's next writing project.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wry, dry wit with a dose of lovingkindness July 13, 2013
This book will put you in various predicaments, among them...

...guffawing noisily on city buses
...snorting in the living room for the 15th time in 5 minutes, earning the annoyed glance of your spouse
...quoting incessantly to aforesaid spouse, until they too join in the merriment
...laughing at your own failings and foibles, and realizing what grace is for

It's clear. Chad Thomas Johston loves his wife, he loves their little daughter, but boy can he spin a tale that weaves his own foibles and theirs is ways that will keep you rolling - your eyeballs? In the aisles? Laughter here is good medecine, and the humor is tempered well with his deep love for his family. I highly recommend this hilarious, affectionately-written work.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Less nightmare, more reverie June 30, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Expecting at least a hint of cynicism in a book titled Nightmarriage, I found none. It reads more like the musings of a man surveying his life with wide-eyed wonder: grateful, giddy, and even awed by how happily ever after he has lived since first meeting his wife. Especially charming is that, even while describing the quirks she possesses or the mishaps they encounter in the first few years together, it's clear that he considers himself the luckiest man alive to be married to her. Here's hoping this is just the first chapter of several.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sweet Dreams, Honey August 8, 2013
This CTJohnston guy exhibits a combination of Jonathan Swift, Samuel Clemens, Hunt [ok, Hunter S.] Thompson, Phyllis Diller, Erma Bombeck and Anne Lamott. And a subtle hint of Vonnegut. With a smidge of one of the as-of-yet unpublished gospel writers. Ok, never mind all that -- Cicero with a big honkin' squeeze of early 20th Century bicycle horn. Buy it. Read it. Man oh man.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Gives geeks like me hope! July 3, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
Nightmarriage is a very special book, written about a very normal passage of life--the first years of marriage. Only thing is, Mr. Johnston is NOT your ordinary hubby--and that's putting it MILDLY. I can't reveal much more than that, because that would be giving away wayyyyyyyy too many of the delicious nuggets and incidents found within the story. This is a fascinating, hilarious, and witty book that is actually much smarter and more reflective than it might seem. My 85 year old dad read it, and even though he thought Johnston was a bit of a silly goose, he said his writings about his first year of marriage rang true for him when he got married nearly sixty years ago.

That Becki and the Meatball haven't strangled him yet gives me hope that Johnston will deliver even more entertaining books about home and family life.An excellent debut.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and Surprising June 22, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
I loved this book! I laughed throughout it and found a few areas surprisingly refreshing from a male parenting point of view. Worth the read. If you're a parent you'll definitely appreciate it.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All around funny read May 29, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
I am one of the first people to be privileged to read "Nightmarriage" by Chad Johnston. He is a really, truly funny guy. Each chapter is an essay on a different subject so I'd read one and then really not want to put the book down because I liked it so much I just wanted to keep on reading. He
doesn't put his marriage down but really lifts up marriage to a new level of just plain funny. If you want a book that just makes you laugh, you'll love this book.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Eyes Wide Open August 24, 2013
Nightmarriage Review

Can a 77 years wise woman entering her 55th year of marriage with the hunk she still calls "Lover D" learn anything from a book by a self-described lunatic, preacher's son, named Chad Thomas Johnston who is a good 50 or so years her younger and yet has the audacity to write his memoirs???!!! I think NOT!
What does this OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) young pup know about marriage? Yet, I was charmed by his writing and his quirky takes on life. My two age 20 something granddaughters, the mothers of my seven great grand-children, also were charmed by the book, as well as their mother, age 52, who gifted us all autographed copies! So that proves this Chad guy can appeal to three (maybe four since one of the toddlers was seen chewing on the book) generations who met and discussed it as best we could with all the noisy toddlers activity going on.
All the readers agreed they liked Chad's way of approaching differences he found in his own and his wife's ways of dealing with their everyday experiences of life. It takes some marriages years and years, or maybe never, before a couple is ready to accept "that's just the way he/she is." A man and a woman fall in love adoring how "opposites attract" and then set out to change their spouse over to their own style of behavior. It doesn't work! Our hero Chad doesn't fight differences with his wife ... he is bemused by their "Marital Magic." Look at the wedding photo of Chad and Becki and see all their wide-eyed innocence! He looks like the guy in the kiddie show "Blues Clues." He hasn't a clue. She's adorable, but not so much smarter.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't let the humor fool you! Nightmarriage is a love story.
From a theory of his wife as a "black hole" through which objects time-travel to the future to the story of his wife's secret code for fleeting wishes... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Karrie Higgins
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
Published 3 months ago by Julia
5.0 out of 5 stars I am delighted to have stumbled upon Nightmarriage
I am delighted to have stumbled upon Nightmarriage! Chad shares both fun and the difficult glimpses into his heart and life with candor and wit. Read more
Published 7 months ago by GeRiMe
4.0 out of 5 stars I especially enjoyed reading how much Chad adores his wife
Hott Review:
This was a cute book though I must admit that I think it was more geared to something my hubby would like than me. Some of the humor escapes me. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Gina Hott
5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny and refreshing.
An honest, witty collection of essays about marriage and family life. I laughed out loud a few times. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Katie McDaniel
4.0 out of 5 stars I've never laughed out loud reading until this book!
I downloaded this book from NoiseTrade and was intrigued because the title was "Nightmarriage" but it was advertised as a comedy... Read more
Published 9 months ago by KJ Roelke
4.0 out of 5 stars A tender, funny, and unique collection
Anne Lamott and David Sedaris fans will (I think especially) love this honest, hilarious, and warmhearted portrait of marriage and fatherhood. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Adele
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
Given the title of this book I expected something much more satirical and maybe a bit cynical. However, I was pleasantly surprised and touched by the thoughtful, loving portrayl of... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Amy Milton
4.0 out of 5 stars Witty, Whimsical, Refreshing
If you are a newlywed fumbling in the matrimonial vortex or a new parent trying to find the “clue” in “clueless,” you may find solace in Chad Thomas Johnston’s Nightmarriage. Read more
Published 12 months ago by karen L. Gennari
5.0 out of 5 stars I will buy the book!
This guy is better than Erma (sorry, Erma). He makes me feel normal! Great humor and candor, not to mention visuals. Can't wait to read his take on parenthood. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Jan M Christian
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More About the Author

Chad Thomas Johnston is a slayer of word dragons who resides in Lawrence, Kansas, with his wife Rebekah, their daughter Evangeline, and five felines. He is a regular contributor to IMAGE Journal's "Good Letters" blog at His writings have also appeared in The Baylor Lariat and at, home to ex-Melody Maker critic/Nirvana-biographer Everett True. In May of 2013, eLectio Publishing released Johnston's writing debut, "Nightmarriage," upon a semi-unsuspecting world.


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