Customer Reviews

The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life and the Eight Realities That Will Save You

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The title caught my eye, so I decided to give this book a read. I am glad that I did. I saw a lot of myself in some of the "call-in's" questions. I thought that Dr. Browne's advice was useful and practical---in other words, good common sense. I really enjoyed the "Soulmate" part of the fantasy half, as well as the "Romance" part of the reality half. I have been fighting some emotional demons of my own lately, and reading these two sections really helped me see my situation from outside of myself. Is there stuff in this book that I've heard before? Yes, but what is nice is that it is written and can be referred to again and again. I also like Dr. Browne's flow in the book---funny, but to the point. It makes it very easy to read. I work and go to school part-time, plus I have a family. I found that I was able to read this book in less than a week at different intervals. I don't know if this is a book that will "turn your life around", but I know that, for me, it's a book that can be used as a good reference tool when I feel those old demons creeping up on me again.

Heard THE NINE FANTASIES THAT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE AND THE EIGHT REALITIES THAT WILL SAVE YOU, written and read by Dr. Joy Brown . . . she's a radio talk show, as well as a licensed clinical psychologist.

I have occasionally heard her on the radio and when I have, I've been impressed with her no-nonsense approach to giving advice . . . she rarely gives sympathy; rather, she gives useful suggestions that apply to marriage, personal relationships, career, finances, health,
and all other aspects of your life.

Here, she first presents the fantasies . . . among the ones that most caught my attention were the following:

There's no place like home.
We all assume that everybody else's family is terrific and ours is dysfunctional. Don't believe it for a minute.

Winning the lottery will free me. If money were the key to happiness, millionaires wouldn't have ulcers. They do and it's not.

Good always triumphs.
Life isn't fair. Get used to it. Do the best with what you've got. And no whining.

Dr. Brown then discusses the realities of life . . . these made the most sense to me:

Never tell someone something they already know. Compliment people sincerely and keep nasty thoughts to yourself.

We're responsible for our behavior; feelings just happen. Everybody has bad thoughts. It's bad behavior that separates the good guys from the bad guys.

Romance is the poison of the twentieth century. Unrealistic expectations mean never being satisfied with what you've got, and romance is the ultimate unrealistic expectation.

Reader letters, read and answered by the author, added to my enjoyment of these cassette tapes.

Dr. Browne's approach is creative and often pithy. But her personal reflections were tacky enough to get on my nerves. Was her ulterior motive in writing this, I asked myself, to enlighten readers or to aggrandize herself? She has tended to do this on her radio programs. First she describes a generic/typical scenario of ours, e.g. what do we do when we can't leave our disabled parent to get a job to pay for food, and she parlays this into a reminder of her recent invitation to preside over a global conference on hunger. A little creativity on my part to get the point across, but her condescending personal asides are downright tacky......

Let's face it. There isn't THAT much difference between a lot of these pop psychology/self-help books. The question is often HOW it's said, rather than WHAT is said. Personally, I find Joy Browne's "wake up and smell the coffee" style entertaining and invigorating, like a splash of cold water in your face on a winter morning. If Fran Drescher was going to play a Psychologist, instead of a Nanny, maybe she would sound like this. Take Joy Browne's advice in good humor, with a grain of salt and ENJOY it!

I generally don't find psychology books very useful, too much pseudo science and impractical mush, sorry for the bias, but I am an Engineer and I am used to the "hard" sciences.

Dr. Browne's no nonsense approach is refreshing.

We are all dealt a hand of cards, that doesn't mean we have Aces or a full house, but we can play the hand we are dealt to the best of our abilities. If you accept this, and accept your responsibility to make the best of what you have, then you will have a happy life. This is what Dr. Browne is telling us in this book.

Thanks for the common sense! Remember the plaque at Engineering corner of the Michigan Quad. It has advice of the first Dean of Engineering at University of Michigan, "Young Man, when theory and common practice diverge, use your horse sense!"

I thought Dr. Joy's book was great, even though it did meander at times and often had comments and stories as asides. I think this was just a stylistic choice, though, so arguably not a drawback.

Empowering yourself takes courage, and involves risk. But are you willing to step up? You should be, because, frankly, the alternatives suck. Dr. Joy points out the DIS-empowering fantasies that hurt us (usually without our knowing it!). To boot, she writes about constructive actions and personal choices we can take on to help our lives, no matter what they may be. While this review may sound general, Dr. Joy doles very specific advice from real past callers and writers she has experienced.

As many of the other reviews state, this book's overarching theme is that we have to take responsibility for our lives and well-being - and we have the power to do so if we choose to use it.

Dr. Brown easily explains the fanasties and the way we think that things are supposed to be in a straightforward and loving manner. Meanwhile, she points out the things that help us all get to reality in a way that makes her book an enjoyable read and comforting.

If you like the way Dr Brown does her radio show you WILL like this book. Each chapter begins with her own opinions and is followed by questions and answers that deal with the subject being discussed. The only complaint I had was her own comments were too short in some chapters---only a few paragraphs--and the rest of the chapter was questions and answers. I think there is a lot the average, everyday person can learn from this book, the chapters on the myth of romantic love was especially well written IMHO. Dr Brown calls it like it is, like it or not. I like it!!

The author has some amazing insight into the human condition, and I recommend this book highly. Even if you don't harbor any of the "nine fantasies," understanding them can be extremely helpful in your dealings with others, both professionally and personally.

Dr. Browne wrote this book as though you the reader are as intelligent as she - a refreshing change from the few other self-help books I have read. Her ideas strike me as sincerely thought out and are presented in a lively, upbeat manner. Her solutions to problems seem highly practical. I read almost the whole book at one sitting- captivated by her fresh yet feasible approach to life. I often think back to this book when conjuring up one of her no-no fantasies. A keeper!