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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Champion of All Ninjas, March 19, 2004
This review is from: Ninja Champions [VHS] (VHS Tape)
This movie is a valuable lesson in respect and fear of Interpol Ninjas. A must have for film students, Ninja enthusiasts, and students of Asian culture. Valuable lessions include:
1) "It was my nipple, you jerk!"
2) "Asian Boxing Champion"
3) "Leave him alone, he's just a retard"
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3.0 out of 5 stars
The best worst movie I've seen in years., January 27, 2010
I originally bought this for a dollar at a local bodega when I lived in New York but I moved, sadly without the Ninja Champion VHS. I'm not exaggerating when I say I genuinely felt bad for leaving behind Ninja Champion. I mean, it's a horrible movie. The best kind of horrible movie that you must watch with friends over drink and fatty snack platter. If you can stand the quality and ads, watching it on Youtube while it's still up, go for it. The DVD is nice to have in your collection anyway, though I wouldn't have spent the money on this if I didn't already know how bad the movie was. And the company responsible for ripping the VHS and putting it on a disc, Synergy, is asking too much for it but I collect these movies and therefore had to contribute to their blood money. The disc has no root menu or anything. Chapter breaks and a subtitle track that's blank, that's it. My 3 stars are an average of the 5 this movie gets and a 1 the disc and it's pathetic screenshots-cropped-and-pasted-onto-the-cover box get.
As for the movie itself, it's about a woman who gets raped by a drug smuggling syndicate (but we don't know that) and decides to take revenge by joining Interpol (which, in this movie, is a single caucasian ninja with a monster 'stache) who sends her out in a wig to gather intel and stab people. And then the guy who let her get raped shows up because he's in love with her but she ain't having that! Fast forward past the mentally retarded bodyguard and her long-lost twin sister, another caucasian ninja is revealed to be responsible for smuggling and raping one person! So, now it's on. From the beginning to the end, this movie will give you a headache. Either from laughing or from absolute disgust. Regardless, I'm showing this to the guys at the film club.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Ninjas should be sent to destroy all copies of this bomb, February 5, 2004
This review is from: Ninja Champions [VHS] (VHS Tape)
The only good thing I can say about Ninja Champion is that the film does eventually come to an end. Honestly, this is (for the time being, at least) the worst martial arts film I've ever seen. Somebody decided to emphasize the story over the fighting action; the only problem is that nobody even tries to pull whatever story elements exist here together and make sense out of it all. We start out with a young couple attacked and brutally molested (especially Rose, the female). Rose wants revenge against the men who destroyed her life; luckily for her, none of her attackers recognize her when they see her again (which is odd because they, unlike her, were disguised during the awful attack). At the same time that Rose is going about claiming her vengeance, there's some kind of jewel smuggling operation going on that somehow involves Rose and her attackers. This brings Interpol into the mix, and one of their agents just happens to be Rose's former flame. It gets more confusing as time goes on, but, trust me, it's really not even worth bothering with. What about the fighting, you ask? Well, our famed ninja champions turn out to be a couple of goofy white guys, one of whom shows up from time to time to kill someone for no apparent reason. The one actual fight you get at the end is pretty silly, as these ninjas seem to have gone to the David Copperfield School of Ninja Science, as they can disappear at will, change from regular clothes to their ninja getups just by twirling around, and make all sorts of weapons appear out of thin air. I didn't even know which one I should pull for, as I really didn't spot anyone resembling a "good guy" in this movie. When I watch a martial arts film, I'm really not that overly concerned with the story. It's nice if there is one, but I can usually get by on the fighting alone. If the fighting is no good, then a decent story really comes in handy. Ninja Champion offers the viewer absolutely nothing in terms of both story and action, earning it a prominent place in my list of the worst martial arts film I've ever seen.
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