5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Less Fun Than An Inflamed Boil, August 13, 2006
I bought this film for a dollar with the intention of sending it to a friend who needed some "family" entertainment. Being a connoisseur of bad movies, though, my curiosity got the best of me and I had to preview it just to see Jim Varney as the villain, Lothar Zogg, which I admit is a great name. It is a sad day when Jim Varney is the best dramatic actor in a movie, even a kid's movie. (I would say this movie would be appropriate for ages six an up; the only violence is incessant karate.) This will definitely teach me not to watch kid's movies I bought as gifts.
Again, I repeat, Varney is by far the highlight of the film, although Hulk Hogan (as "Dave Dragon") tries his best to hang in there. The undisputed low point is Loni Anderson in a black leather outfit as the evil "Medusa." Her performance is not frightening, though her evident cosmetic surgery made me scream out loud.
The plot is that three kids, Colt, Rocky, and Tum Tum (really) learn to be ninjas from their grandpa, who uses a variety of teaching methods, most of which seem to involve toilet plungers. They defend Mega Mountain from terrorists led by the "Zogg and Medusa Moronic Criminals Corporation" (apparently) via endless action sequences and contrivances that James Bond wouldn't allow out of his tool shed, furnished by brainy techno-nerd, Amanda. Eventually the tension is resolved by the least believable plot device (hint: it involves compressed gases, a bomb, and a boat) in recent memory.
Watch especially for the scene with Jim Varney brandishing a saber, and the model helicopter ransom money interception collision ploy. I had thought of titling this review "Extortion on the Log Flume," but that really didn't convey the pain that this movie inflicts. In the end, though, I gave it two stars for a couple of reasons: first, the name Lothar Zogg really is a great villain name, and second, the movie is (after all) meant for kids, so I should give it some slack.
Although I revel in bad movies for their camp value, this one is probably good for young boys, and a chore worse than cleaning out the grease trap for just about everyone else.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
3 ninjas 4 everything you need to know about a crap movie, March 2, 2005
A Kid's Review
This movie sucks! This movie will have you rooting for the bad guys. Did I menchen that the bad guy is Earnest. "from the earnest movies." This movie is written awfull and directed awfull and the acting is awfull. Colt's lisp gets on your nerves. Colt acts gay and looks gay. Tum Tum needs help over ever single obstical. Rocky is gay and wants wheels. The bad guys want quick cash and take over an amusment park. Why don't they just rob a bank or something. Hulk Hogan is in this movie, but he sucks. He always gets beat up by some old lady in leather. Did I menchen that the bad guy is Earnest. The worst thing about this movie is Colt. You just wish that you could drown him. His nose is huge and his nostrils pobably wouldn't allow him to drown. He can use them as a floatation devise. They invite some girl over and invite her to the park after she ran a helicopter threw there window. "Who says that she's not a murderer. <WHAT WERE THEY THINKING> Did I menchen that Earnest is the bad guy. Gee I bet that this movie boosted Hulk Hogan's carrer.I invited my friend to watch it and he gaged after 5 minutes. Did I menchen that Earnest is the main bad guy. They're supposed to be older, but they all shrunk and became gay. Well I'm warning you from my fate DONT BUY THIS MOVIE UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE EXACTALY HOW CRAPY IT REALLY IS. Or if your a child it might be alright, but not for a teen or anyone with half a brain.
P.S I just relized that the deformed M on Hulk's chest is really a fist. <WHO KNEW.>
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
it [stunk], March 20, 2002
A Kid's Review
this movie is not worth it . buy part 1,2,3. don't waste your money on this piece of trash.
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