No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It [Hardcover]

David Walsh (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 9, 2007

Join the movement to say Yes to No. An unprecedented coalition of parents and educators across Minnesota have adopted No as a statewide read.

Although saying No to your child is obviously important, many parents still have a hard time following through -- even when they know they should -- especially when other parents and the culture around them are being permissive.

Now, successful psychologist, bestselling author, and nationally known parenting expert Dr. David Walsh provides you with an arsenal of tactics, explanations, and examples for using No the right way with your kids. His memorable, affecting, and sometimes humorous anecdotes help you regain confidence in your own judgment and ability to say No as they remind you that you're not alone in your parenting struggles. With Dr. Walsh's down-to-earth advice, you can immediately assess and improve your relationship with your kids, set and enforce limits that make sense for different ages (from toddlers to teens), and otherwise make No a positive influence on kids' behavior and in your overall family life.

The first look at the psychological importance of No in a child's development, No offers the lively voice, warm wisdom, science made simple, and breadth of knowledge that readers have come to expect from Dr. Walsh.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychologist Walsh (Why Do They Act That Way?), president and founder of the National Institute on Media and the Family, tackles a tough subject in this book on how parents can say "no" to their kids and why they should. Walsh argues that we are raising our children in a "Yes" culture that gives kids the message that they can and should have whatever they want whenever they want it. But scientific research, the author contends, reveals that children's brains are primed to learn the concept of "no" early on; in fact, Walsh points out, instant gratification is not the path to resiliency or success. On the contrary, our "yes" culture leads to disappointment and failure when kids later learn that they can't always have their way. Walsh's approach fosters such qualities as perseverance, patience and commitment, emphasizing a balanced parenting style that is neither predominantly negative nor permissive. In age-by-age chapters, he chronicles the developmentally appropriate use of the word, revealing how it helps children grow into self-disciplined, well-adjusted adults. Peppered with anecdotes of other parents' struggles as well as examples from raising his own three kids, Walsh's reassuring voice will give parents the courage to just say "No"—and mean it. (Jan.)
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Review

"This superb book combines science, psychology, and direct experience with adolescents to create a warmhearted, intelligent, and practical guide. Parents will find it immensely informative, reassuring, and useful. I highly recommend it!"-- Edward Hallowell, MD --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (January 9, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074328917X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743289177
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.7 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #856,592 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

David Walsh, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist and in-demand international speaker. He is one of the world's most trusted authorities on children, teens, parenting, family life, the impact of technology, and translating brain science for everyday practice.  He founded the renowned National Institute on Media and the Family, which he led till 2009. In 2010 he launched "Mind Positive Parenting." Dr. Walsh is on the faculty of the University of Minnesota, is a senior advisor at Search Institute and has published many articles in the professional and general press. Dr. Walsh is the author of nine books, including two national best sellers. His books have been translated into eight languages. Dr. Walsh presents to parents, educators, and professional audiences throughout the world. His workshops blend humor, warmth, scientific substance, and practical advice. He and his wife Monica live in Minneapolis and have three adult children and two grand children.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Setting Boundaries, Staying Sane July 23, 2008

By J. Meegan VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

First off, don't let the generic "self-helpy" cover and title of this book turn you off. This is one of the better parenting books I've read this year. It's extremely well written and engaging with endless amounts of useful tips and food for thought. The author is not just a PhD, but also an experienced parent who has clearly spent ample professional and personal time working with kids of all ages.

I completely agree with his premise that:
1) parenting isn't easy and certainly isn't (and shouldn't) always be fun
2) the most successful parents are those who work hard to remain flexible, open, and calm
3) we owe it to our kids to set appropriate boundaries and enforce those boundaries consistently
4) rules are not "one size fits all" but should be tailored to fit not just the child's age but also the child's individual needs and personality
5) the judicious use of "no" with your child -- while it may produce some acting out in the short term -- will eventually pay off for your entire family (and, dare I say it, society) in the long term

Why four stars? As a parent who is very focused on my young child's nutrition, I was surprised this author recommended witholding meals from toddler/preschool age children who refuse to eat/finish lunch or dinner. While I think this is a valid technique to use with older kids, the fact is toddlers a) are natural grazers and not likely to eat everything put in front of them for the "big" meals of the day and more importantly b) have smaller stomachs, higher levels of energy, and are prone to low blood sugar and therefore should eat at least every two to four hours a day. I totally get how important it is to teach your children that their choices can either lead to a positive or negative outcome. But I personally don't feel witholding food is the way to go at this age. Should you withold desserts and treats? Totally! But don't send a toddler to bed hungry -- look for alternative food sources (fruit, carrots, crackers) to ensure they aren't sleeping on an empty stomach.

Aside from the one negative, and regardless of what your personal parenting style is (laid back, strict, etc), I recommend you do yourself and your kid(s) a favor and get your hands on this book. Chances are it will either confirm that you've been doing the right thing all along (and provide some additional tools) or give you the wake-up call you need to get your family back on track.

27 of 29 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars common sense it's always so common February 20, 2007

By K. Wollins

Format:Hardcover

What a great book. It's an easy read and will reinforce to most parents that they are doing the right thing. Parents tend to have excuses for spoiling their kids (you can't give them too much love, it helps their self esteem, I don't want them to not like me, etc.). This book addresses all those "theories." Bottom line: Kids need direction and their minds are not developed like adults. They literally do not have the capacity to think like adults and our role as parents is to help shape that competency in a healthy way.

40 of 46 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant and Lucid January 8, 2007

By Robert J. Donnelly

Format:Hardcover

Dr. Walsh has nailed it. We parents have got to wake up and heed his call. What a wonderful book, full of suggestions and ideas that I imagine has our ancestors nodding in approval. As Dr Walsh points out, self discipline is not optional for happiness and success in life. I have heard Dr Walsh give one of his brilliant workshops and hope that I may be able to gather the time and resources to attend again when he presents the ideas from this timely and inspiring book.