No More Mr. Nice Guy! [Hardcover]

Robert A. Glover (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 4, 2003

Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: Running Press (February 4, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0762415339
• ISBN-13: 978-0762415335
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (91 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,081 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #91 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations
  • #100 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Love & Romance

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

181 of 191 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great book! Highly recommended!, January 9, 2007

By 

M. Young "probonolaw" (West Palm Beach, Florida) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (Hardcover)

No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. The author points out that you are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. By boosting a man's confidence and ensuring the man's needs are met, women are naturally more attractive to these men. The greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.

The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.

Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.

Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.

Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.

During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.

There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.

120 of 125 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing, September 28, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (Hardcover)

So far, reviewers aren't doing this book justice. I picked it up six months ago and was amazed at how well it described my plight as a "nice guy" (a.k.a. codependent). I've read stacks of self-help books, but this one stands above the rest. I mean it, it stands out, by far. And several guys I know who've read the book feel the same way.

This book fully described what I've been going through, told me how things got to be this way, and gave me concrete steps on how to change things. Since I've read it, my life has improved, I feel better, more powerful, and people are responding to me in a new way. If you're a guy walking through life feeling frustrated that you don't get the love, respect, and sex you deserve, you owe it to yourself to read this book.

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars It's the only book like it out there, February 3, 2003

By 

T J Smith "nampabookeditor" (Nampa, Idaho) - See all my reviews

This review is from: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (Hardcover)

I think the main premise of this book is sound. The cover is misleading, because it sounds like a guide to male selfishness. But it's not that at all. After reading it in one sitting I realized that a big group of guys, myself included, have lost a sense of who we are as males. The author is NOT telling us to stop being nice or kind; he's saying that we should find out who we really are and live true to that. He says we try to get approval all the time so that we'll get what we want, instead of forming relationships based on who we really are. We actually hide our true selves because we think we won't be accepted. Each man probably has a different reason why he's trying to be someone other than himself, and the author lists a whole bunch of reasons that you can check yourself against. Glover says that you should look at his list with your wife and work at it together. He is correct that wives don't like the "nice" husbands they're having to deal with, because these Nice Guys are really not that nice. He gives excellent sociological reasons why some men have become afraid of and detached from masculinity. The activities he gives for the reader to work through help a guy to see himself as he really is. In the end, he says, guys will be much better husbands to their wives, and more genuinely helpful and "nice," if they do everything with pure motives and complete honesty. If you've been trying to be nice in your marriage and your wife isn't buying it, and you want more sex, read this book!!!
Some of the concepts are explained up to three times. Repetition is a good learning tool, but I got a little tired of it. The chapter on masturbation doesn't sit well with me either. It seems unlikely to help in the way he describes. My guess is that it would perpetuate the kind of compartmentalizing that is so harmful in the minds of Nice Guys. I also felt that some of the other concepts would only work if you have a professional counselor helping you. Many of us are not that good at self-analysis.
Overall this is an excellent book for helping guys to stop trying to get approval through everything they do and stop trying to get sex from their wives by doing what they think is "nice."