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No More Mr Nice Guy Hardcover – January 8, 2003


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 192 pages
  • Publisher: Running Press (January 8, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0762415339
  • ISBN-13: 978-0762415335
  • Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (325 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,299 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

This book has changed my life.
dsr
His advice about what to do is very straightforward, and the book well written.
Richard O'Connor
Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it.
Wazu

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

370 of 393 people found the following review helpful By Wazu on January 9, 2007
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. The author points out that you are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. By boosting a man's confidence and ensuring the man's needs are met, women are naturally more attractive to these men. The greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.

The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.

Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.

Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her.
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179 of 192 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 28, 2003
Format: Hardcover
So far, reviewers aren't doing this book justice. I picked it up six months ago and was amazed at how well it described my plight as a "nice guy" (a.k.a. codependent). I've read stacks of self-help books, but this one stands above the rest. I mean it, it stands out, by far. And several guys I know who've read the book feel the same way.
This book fully described what I've been going through, told me how things got to be this way, and gave me concrete steps on how to change things. Since I've read it, my life has improved, I feel better, more powerful, and people are responding to me in a new way. If you're a guy walking through life feeling frustrated that you don't get the love, respect, and sex you deserve, you owe it to yourself to read this book.
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388 of 434 people found the following review helpful By Enamorato on November 25, 2007
Format: Hardcover
This book is, in many ways, highly flawed. I cannot, however, rate it any lower than three stars because the core behaviors Dr. Glover advocates are fundamental pillars of psychological well-being. His core premise is that all human beings have needs. Among these are somatic needs (food, shelter, treatment for injury, etc.) and emotional/psychological needs (love, validation, affection, etc.). For one reason or another, however, many men have come to habitually avoid pursuing or expressing these needs and desires in a direct way. Thus, "Nice Guy syndrome" is characterized by attempts to satisfy those needs by indirect means. Glover describes some of the more pervasive behaviors: a superficial niceness (in which one does something nice with the unconscious assumption that he will get something in return - "hidden contracts" as Glover dubs them), passive aggression, and other means of manipulation. Of course, these tactics are most often ineffective and leave the man frustrated and needy. Oftentimes, these desires are rechanneled (into things like porn or drug addiction) or repressed (only to emerge in an irrational or misdirected show of aggression or an emotional breakdown).

Glover encourages the individual to take an assertive role in getting his needs met. He does not mince words, and says outright "you are the only person responsible for meeting your own needs." And the best way to make sure this happens is to take the direct route: express outright and honestly what it is you want, make your own needs a priority, and then pursue them (or ask for help). This is, of course, sound and commonsense psychology.
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49 of 55 people found the following review helpful By Clifton on February 3, 2003
Format: Hardcover
I own both the PDF and the soft cover versions of the book. `Just glanced at the reviews as I was checking on the hard cover version. As is frequently the case when reading reviews of books you have read you wonder if some others have read the same book!
Some of the misunderstanding, I suspect, comes from the concepts and definitions of "Nice Guy." If you define, "Nice Guy" as Dr. Glover does (and/or notices how he defines his terms) then you may be more inclined to understand and/or accept his hypothesis. In the years prior to my becoming aware of and acquiring Dr. Glover's book I paid particular interest to the Internet Newsgroup discussions of the "Nice Guy" vs. "The Jerk" in social relations (singles in particular) . Through at the very least several hundred if not one or two thousand messages I could see that the various comments and exchanges (some shall we say "heated") were closing in on "something." That something was not very clear, but the concept of a "Good Guy" vs. the "Nice Guy" started to emerge. I think what the discussion groups were coming close to hitting on is what Dr. Glover calls the "Integrated Man."
Dr. Glover does not claim to have discovered some new psychological phenomenon as far as I can tell. Rather, he noticed, documented and analyzed the thoughts and behaviors of some the men in his practice. Having noticed a common thread of thoughts and behaviors which seem to be limiting the productivity and happiness of the men (and their families) he was dealing with he went about working on developing a means of describing the thought processes behind them and how to deal with them.
If you substituted, "Man or Person engaged in thoughts and behaviors which self limit personal happiness and productivity" for "Nice Guy...
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