Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
203 of 214 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. The author points out that you are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. By boosting a man's confidence and ensuring the man's needs are met, women are naturally more attractive to these men. The greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.
The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.
Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.
Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.
Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.
During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.
There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.
The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.
Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.
Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.
Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.
During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.
There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.
129 of 134 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
So far, reviewers aren't doing this book justice. I picked it up six months ago and was amazed at how well it described my plight as a "nice guy" (a.k.a. codependent). I've read stacks of self-help books, but this one stands above the rest. I mean it, it stands out, by far. And several guys I know who've read the book feel the same way.
This book fully described what I've been going through, told me how things got to be this way, and gave me concrete steps on how to change things. Since I've read it, my life has improved, I feel better, more powerful, and people are responding to me in a new way. If you're a guy walking through life feeling frustrated that you don't get the love, respect, and sex you deserve, you owe it to yourself to read this book.
49 of 49 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I think the main premise of this book is sound. The cover is misleading, because it sounds like a guide to male selfishness. But it's not that at all. After reading it in one sitting I realized that a big group of guys, myself included, have lost a sense of who we are as males. The author is NOT telling us to stop being nice or kind; he's saying that we should find out who we really are and live true to that. He says we try to get approval all the time so that we'll get what we want, instead of forming relationships based on who we really are. We actually hide our true selves because we think we won't be accepted. Each man probably has a different reason why he's trying to be someone other than himself, and the author lists a whole bunch of reasons that you can check yourself against. Glover says that you should look at his list with your wife and work at it together. He is correct that wives don't like the "nice" husbands they're having to deal with, because these Nice Guys are really not that nice. He gives excellent sociological reasons why some men have become afraid of and detached from masculinity. The activities he gives for the reader to work through help a guy to see himself as he really is. In the end, he says, guys will be much better husbands to their wives, and more genuinely helpful and "nice," if they do everything with pure motives and complete honesty. If you've been trying to be nice in your marriage and your wife isn't buying it, and you want more sex, read this book!!!
Some of the concepts are explained up to three times. Repetition is a good learning tool, but I got a little tired of it. The chapter on masturbation doesn't sit well with me either. It seems unlikely to help in the way he describes. My guess is that it would perpetuate the kind of compartmentalizing that is so harmful in the minds of Nice Guys. I also felt that some of the other concepts would only work if you have a professional counselor helping you. Many of us are not that good at self-analysis.
Overall this is an excellent book for helping guys to stop trying to get approval through everything they do and stop trying to get sex from their wives by doing what they think is "nice."
Some of the concepts are explained up to three times. Repetition is a good learning tool, but I got a little tired of it. The chapter on masturbation doesn't sit well with me either. It seems unlikely to help in the way he describes. My guess is that it would perpetuate the kind of compartmentalizing that is so harmful in the minds of Nice Guys. I also felt that some of the other concepts would only work if you have a professional counselor helping you. Many of us are not that good at self-analysis.
Overall this is an excellent book for helping guys to stop trying to get approval through everything they do and stop trying to get sex from their wives by doing what they think is "nice."
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Life Changing book
Life changing and fantastic book!! Read the summary and if you have any of the tendencies then buy it,read & apply it. Read more
Published 2 days ago by Doctor Joe
Holy S***!!!!
I was just reading the first 2 chapters and i felt like this guy has been describing my WHOLE LIFE! I had no idea that other guys were this way too. Read more
Published 5 days ago by J. Charles (renaissance man)
Hats off!
....to Dr. Glover. He has hit the nail on the head, and it was buried in a stack of hay. The book is short, concise and an easy read. Read more
Published 8 days ago by Scott
Great material, horrible Kindle formatting
I literally just purchased this book as a Kindle-formatted eBook. Right off the bat, I'm seeing several formatting errors, such as the first letter in a paragraph of a new chapter... Read more
Published 15 days ago by Spencer
If you think you're a nice guy and reject the notion that nice guys...
If you are frequently called a nice guy and too many of your friends say stuff like nice guys finish last but that just doesn't sit right with you, then read this book. Read more
Published 20 days ago by dubbya
measurable results
Reading and re-reading this book, and listening and re-listening to the associated podcasts, has changed how I view the world and made a very measurable difference to my life. Read more
Published 1 month ago by chungking
No more Mr nice guy indeed!
Reading this book has opened my eyes. I used to think i was a really nice guy and was not selfish or anything, but ive discovered a lot of things ive been doing incorrectly, lying... Read more
Published 3 months ago by gomez
too harsh and judgmental
To this author, a nice guy is dishonest, controlling, a monster....
He doesn't get much sex because he 'hides' his needs, so there must be something wrong with him. Read more
He doesn't get much sex because he 'hides' his needs, so there must be something wrong with him. Read more
Published 3 months ago by SkinChanger2
No More Mr. Nice Guy, a personal perspective
As another reviewer wrote: "This book is, in many ways, highly flawed." However I give it a 5 because it has been the most influential 'self help' book that I have ever read. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Ron
Must Read!
This is one of the most amazing books I have ever read, and an absolute life-changer! Reading this book has made me aware of the many lifelong mistakes I was making as a man and... Read more
Published 4 months ago by DQuest
Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
Jason, a chiropractor in his midthirties, began his first session of individual theraphy with this introduction. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
internalized toxic shame, childhood survival mechanisms, deprivation thinking, healthy masturbation, covert contracts, abandonment experiences, integrated male, smooth life, intolerable behavior, life paradigm, sexual shame, perceived flaws Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Nice Guys, World War New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Jason, a chiropractor in his midthirties, began his first session of individual theraphy with this introduction. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
internalized toxic shame, childhood survival mechanisms, deprivation thinking, healthy masturbation, covert contracts, abandonment experiences, integrated male, smooth life, intolerable behavior, life paradigm, sexual shame, perceived flaws Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Nice Guys, World War New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 7
books:
See all 7 books this book cites
5
books
cite this book:
- Iron John by Robert Bly on page 35, page 105, and Back Matter
- Iron John by Robert Bly on page 35, page 105, and Back Matter
- Getting What You Want (Stepp Sisters, Book 1) by Kathy Love in Front Matter
- The Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes in Back Matter
- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie in Back Matter
See all 7 books this book cites
- Choosing Light-Heartedness, A 33 Day Journey to Overcome Anxiety, Depression and Dysfunctional Family Issues by Kari Joys on page 100, and Back Matter
- Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man by Elliott Katz in Front Matter (1), and Front Matter (2)
- Husband-ry 101: How to Train Your Husband to be the Spouse You've Always Wanted Him to Be by Michael H. McCann on page 16, and Back Matter
- No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women And Children by Paul T. Coughlin on page 187
- A Dream Goes on Forever: The Continuing Story of Todd Rundgren by Billy James in Back Matter
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