Customer Reviews

No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book helped me tremendously after my daughter was killed by a drunk-driver. I could not concentrate to read long stories or articles, but the experiences of these people who had lost love ones to sudden, violent death spoke to the terrible emotions I was experiencing. I now help other victims of violent crime and I always give them a copy of this book so that they will know that someone else understands.

After my father was killed in an industrial accident I went to the bookstore seaching for books on death and grieving. I found no comfort and in fact found myself angered when reading story after story about people who lost their loved ones to a long illness. It broke my heart to read about how they got to tell them that they loved them, something I never got. "No Time For Goodbyes" was the only book that dealt with the shock and reality of telling someone, "have a good day at work," and never seeing them again.

This book came recommended to me by Parents of Murdered Children. It was comforting to read after the murder of my 20-year-old son. The book covers a lot of ground and I've recommended it to several people who have been victim to a tragic death at any age, children to adult. Affordable, it should be placed in the hands of all those struggling after a violent death. It leads one through the stages of suffering and grief, and lets one know that it is okay to have these feelings, and that one can go on.

It's true; the book is short, simple, and basic. I had such trouble concentrating after my brother was murdered and my parents were seriously injured, that I could barely read a paragraph at a time, something Lord obviously understands. This book clearly expressed the shock and sorrow of my experience and helped me understand that what I was feeling was normal, when nothing else in my world was normal. I stood in the bookstore and re-shelved all the books about dealing with terminal illness and long goodbyes. When I found this one, I sat down in the aisle and cried. I sent it to some of my family members and to an acquaintance whose son committed suicide and, years later, feel immense gratitude to Janice Lord that her book was available when the bottom dropped out of my world.

This book will prove very helpful for anyone that has had a sudden traumatic death of a loved one. The book covers various kinds of sudden death and explains how it can effect each person it touches. It is a teaching tool for advocates and a learning tool for victims. Being on both sides of the situation I find it a prized book in my library.

My 21 year old brother was viciously attacked and beaten to death by a group of random teenage guys. They did this for "fun". They're the kids that prey on the homeless people or in my brother's case, he was walking down the street to his car at night. The worst part is that they only wanted to beat on him for kicks and "didn't mean" to kill him. They're claiming it was an accident and they didn't mean to have him sustain severe brain injuries. This book described everything I was feeling. I joined therapy groups, but no one seemed to understand. Most of the people I met lost their loved ones of a prolonged illness, an accident, or old age. I felt alone and that no one understood my situation. My brother was a murder victim. He was literally here one day and gone the next. The book made it easier to know that there are unfortunately many people out there who feel the same way I do. It would have been easier to accept if there was a reason for his death. This book explained everything I was feeling. It really hit home with me. I highly recommend this book for those who have lost a loved one so abruptly!! This book has kept me sane for the most part.

This book came recommended to me by Parents of Murdered Children. It was comforting to read after the murder of my 20-year-old son. The book covers a lot of ground and I've recommended it to several people who have been victim to a tragic death at any age, children to adult. Affordable, it should be placed in the hands of all those struggling after a violent death. It leads one through the stages of suffering and grief, and lets one know that it is okay to have these feelings, and that one can go on.

This book was very beneficial and helpful with the information provided in dealing specifically with a death that was not natural. Our son was killed by a drunk driver on 11/28/10. Although there are a few support books that have helped, what I always felt was missing was the additional things we have to face with the criminal justice system, police, defense attorney, and anger caused by dealing with all of this. The book touches on those areas and offers guidance. I bought copies for several family members that are going through all of this with my husband, daughter, and I. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that has lost a loved one to a tragic death, or knows of someone that has.

This is an extremely useful book in its honesty and acceptance of how people actually feel. Lord does not tell you how you should feel, she just describes the emotions that others in your sad circumstance have felt. The chapter on suicide was particularly helpful to me. I have found that many books on bereavement are written by people who have not observed the actual shock and horror experienced by those left behind. I liked the fact that Lord does not want us to rush into "forgiveness," whatever that really is (my suspicion is that the whole cult of forgiving those responsible for the death of our loved ones is based on the single line in the Lord's prayer, "as we forgive those who have trespassed against us").

I lost my son to suicide last year, and I found this book spoke to my needs and soul. Maybe Lord could add a bit more about coping mechanisms for the intense pain experienced in this type of loss. I was not particularly dependent on my son, but the pain nearly destroyed me, and still surges up at times to scarcely bearable levels. I'm coping, but not suppressing -- do we all have to find our own way? I suspect so, but a bit more on how people (particularly agnostics) find solace would be nice. Movies? Exercise? Sunshine? Driving around screaming? All in all, Lord doesn't pull punches, though, and she offers so much for the newly bereaved.

That said, I wish a new edition would come out and that the publisher would do a better job of typesetting. Inconsistent use of italics and random underlining really make the book look more as if it were self-published by somebody with a bad editor, instead of the wise, helpful, direct book it is.

I read this book a few weeks after a very special person to me was murdered in a premeditated and horrific manner.

I am really glad this book exists, because where else do you start when something like this happens? The author's heart is in the right place, her words are sound, and her assurances of all the many different kinds of normal were helpful. I also appreciated that, although I don't fit neatly into any chapter here (arranged by relation: parents, children, siblings, friends, etc.) I could piece together aspects that fit my situation and find some sense of belonging in my grief.

I don't fault the author for not being able to make me feel better. In a way, she did make me feel better, less alone, but nobody can fix this for me. In other ways, the book temporarily made me feel worse. It forced me to revisit and examine the toughest feelings. The days I read this book were days I had to call in and stay home from work. That's not the author's fault either. It just is what it is. But be aware of that. Make sure you have the privacy, time, and support you need to sit and read this.

I rated three stars instead of four because of all the parts of the book that really didn't fit my situation. I recommend separating this out into two books: one for people whose loved ones died in accidents, and another for the people whose loved ones were murdered. I appreciate that there are similarities here, but I just don't think it's the same, and I think that it would be easier to address the more specific pain more efficiently for each very worthy group if the cases were separated.

One example where I felt my needs were poorly addressed was on the topic of forgiveness. A lot of time is given to addressing the complicated forgiveness of someone who acted with gross negligence and accidentally killed your loved one. Forgiveness is addressed much more briefly (granted, with one very good example) for first-degree murder -- but I think this is the case where forgiveness is the most difficult and controversial issue. I would have liked a whole chapter on how families of murder victims deal with the issue of anger and forgiveness -- does it change with time? Do they forgive, or do they just say, "to hell with it!"? I am in no way ready to forgive right now, but I am exploring the boundaries of my anger, and there are people I will need to forgive even if I never forgive the murderer himself. (For instance, his family.)

That said, the author has my gratitude for her work here. I am glad that I have this book, and should anyone I know ever need it (god forbid), I will certainly pass it along.

My heart goes out to everyone else reading this review. I'm so sorry you're here. Please consider a professional grief counselor, support group, or clergy person for help in addition to this book. It's a good self-work tool, but it is not a complete therapy or support network. (I don't mean that as a criticism!)