No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One [Paperback]

Carla Fine (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 9, 1999

Suicide would appear to be the last taboo. Even incest is now discussed freely in popular media, but the suicide of a loved one is still an act most people are unable to talk about--or even admit to their closest family or friends. This is just one of the many painful and paralyzing truths author Carla Fine discovered when her husband, a successful young physician, took his own life in December 1989. And being unable to speak openly and honestly about the cause of her pain made it all the more difficult for her to survive.

With No Time to Say Goodbye, she brings suicide survival from the darkness into light, speaking frankly about the overwhelming feelings of confusion, guilt, shame, anger, and loneliness that are shared by all survivors. Fine draws on her own experience and on conversations with many other survivors--as well as on the knowledge of counselors and mental health professionals. She offers a strong helping hand and invaluable guidance to the vast numbers of family and friends who are left behind by the more than thirty thousand people who commit suicide each year, struggling to make sense of an act that seems to them senseless, and to pick up the pieces of their own shattered lives. And, perhaps most important, for the first time in any book, she allows survivors to see that they are not alone in their feelings of grief and despair.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In 1989, the author's husband of 21 years, 44-year-old Harry, a New York City physician who was depressed over the recent deaths of his parents, killed himself with a lethal dose of an anesthetic. Stunned by her loss, Fine (Married to Medicine: An Intimate Portrait of Doctors' Wives) searched in vain for books on how to deal with the suicide of a loved one. In her comprehensive and well-written manual for "suicide survivors," such as herself, she offers advice for those recovering from the suicide of a marital partner, relative or close friend. Drawing on research, interviews with survivors and her own experience, Fine provides insights into living beyond this tragedy including dealing with feelings of guilt and anger, the stigma of suicide and financial and legal problems, and she tells where to get help. She stresses that joining a peer support group is an important coping tool. Although some of the descriptions of suicides make for harrowing reading, the book is a valuable contribution to an overlooked subject.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

A great many books have been written on the reasons for suicide from the victim's point of view, but this powerful work deals with the wrenching emotional effects of unexpected purposeful death on grieving survivors. The author's husband, seemingly a thriving physician, took his life in December 1989. Fine's discovery of his body left her with a flood of mixed emotions and anguish that inspired her to record, in vividly honest terms, the legacy of suicide on survivors. Despite the permanent sadness and even humiliation that suicide survivors face, this book offers hope in its summary of predictable patterns of adjustment. Sections move from the suicide, to its aftermath, to survival and how to make sense of the chaos. An excellent appendix includes current information on organizations, resource materials, and support groups for suicide survivors. The bibliography is extensive and useful. Recommended for public libraries and specialized mental health collections.?Catherine T. Charvat, John Marshall Lib., Alexandria, Va.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (November 9, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385485514
• ISBN-13: 978-0385485517
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (81 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #39,146 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #12 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Death & Grief > Suicide

More About the Author

Carla Fine is the author of nine books, including No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One; Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss; Strong, Smart, and Bold: Empowering Girls for Life; and Married to Medicine: An Intimate Portrait of Doctors' Wives. She lectures frequently throughout the U.S. and internationally about how suicide affects those who have been left behind. Carla lives in New York City and her website is www.carlafine.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

93 of 95 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A suicide support group in a hard cover., December 25, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: No Time to Say Goodbye (Hardcover)

In a frantic attempt to understand the sudden suicide of my brother, I read numerous suicide related titles. Carla Fine's "No Time to Say Goodbye : Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One" was the only book which in anyway connected with my raw feelings as a survivor. It's not a great academic study of suicide. The professional, academic titles are painfully remote, inaccurate and inadequate from a survivor's perspective. "No Time to Say Goodbye:" doesn't answer the only question that matters most to survivors, "Why?". It provides a supporting context for the horrendous assault on a survivor's emotional and intellectual resources following a loved one's suicide. Knowing that others feel the same things doesn't make the pain go away, but reassures that probably you too will survive what feels unbearable. I personally found this book more helpful that the visits to "professional" counselors. Some things in life have to be experienced, not studied, to be understood. Sadly the author has the painful real life credentials to understand and connect with survivors. From her own traumatic loss Carla Fine has provided a great measure of help in what appears to be a helpless situation.

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful, July 28, 2006

By 

W. Turner "Solitary Reaper" (Birmingham, AL United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One (Paperback)

I have recently lost my husband to suicide and have read many books on the subject trying to understand what happened. This book was very helpful because it was not a bunch of psycho-babble and statistics and research. It is the real-life experience of a woman who has been through it. I found myself reading entire passages that described the EXACT feelings I am having. I believe this book would be helpful to anyone who has suffered the devastation of suicide.

41 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Carla Fine: Amazing person writes an amazing book, June 13, 2002

By 

Dalia R. Martin-Kossatch (Yonkers, New York United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One (Paperback)

Carla leaves no stone unturned. She captures insights from the survivors from whose stories we can even gain a perspective on those that left us behind. She pointedly shows that tragically, oftentimes the signs are there yet for some reason whether it is by some form of unconscious denial or a cushioned buffer we just don't notice those signs enough to react in time to help our loved ones. Or so we may think! The common denominator is that survivors wear themselves down trying to figure it all out before realizing that the solution may never be clear. Acceptance and reconciliation with the self vis-a-vis this life-changing event are the first steps toward mourning and healing. The writing is exceptional. There was not one disappointing page. This was a well-planned, well-researched, well prepared, book. Every survivor will relate to something written there that seems to come out of our mind and flow into the pages of her book. A resource book and must read for every survivor of a suicide. Thank you to Carla Fine for your candor and honesty and for this gift to life for the ages.