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168 of 171 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book accurately describes and validates what I lived.
I found this book just by chance. What a fortunate accident! Miller's description of men just like my now-ex-husband amazed me. Even so, at first I considered the book kind of simple. Then the memories started coming back, from two decades of marriage. His cutting remarks and actions that left me emotionally lost suddenly made sense. My always-failing attempts to...
Published on November 10, 1999

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Highlights a need for more recognition
This book describes the need for greater help for women (and perhaps men) who are stuck in an abusive relationship but don't realize they are abused if they are not actually physically beaten. I also agree with the reviewer who notes that the book doesn't help us figure out how we got where we are in the first place. It doesn't help us understand what in our upbringing or...
Published 11 months ago by NM Marj


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168 of 171 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book accurately describes and validates what I lived., November 10, 1999
By A Customer
I found this book just by chance. What a fortunate accident! Miller's description of men just like my now-ex-husband amazed me. Even so, at first I considered the book kind of simple. Then the memories started coming back, from two decades of marriage. His cutting remarks and actions that left me emotionally lost suddenly made sense. My always-failing attempts to make myself better for him, to make our marriage and family better, suddenly looked preposterous. A year after reading this book, old memories still surface with a profound new perspective. No Visible Wounds is not at all simple. It is enormously enlightening and liberating. I highly recommend this book. I am giving it to my own parents, who still don't understand why I divorced him, who this cruel man (they think he's delightful and sincere) still has wrapped around his little finger.
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62 of 62 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A manual for women who are victims of emotional abuse by men, November 20, 1998
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
When I stumbled across No Visible Wounds, I felt I had found an ally in Mary Susan Miller. I have written my own book, Living On A Dream: A Marriage Tale, about my mother, a wife who fits the profile of the psychologically abused woman, as described by Dr. Miller. This book is a powerful one, a wake up call for many. Hers is a knowledgable voice about a subject that is rarely given the notice that it deserves. The problem of emotional battering has been overshadowed by the more visible problem of physical battering of women by men. No Visible Wounds is a hidden dilemma,and Mary Susan Miller's book is the important, and prehaps, the only qualitative book on the subject. Every woman should read this book, because it affects many, those who hide and deny, and those who know someone, a friend, or neighbor who lead lives of desperation. This book ranks alongside the other Dr. Miller's famous book, Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child, a.k.a., Prisoners of Childhood.
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70 of 71 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is essential for peopleraised in the United States, January 11, 1999
By A Customer
As a counselor in the field of domestic violence, specifically working with women's groups, I feel I've finally found a thorough explanation of men's non-physical abuse of women in our society. Dr. Miller does a phenomenal job of peeling the onion, i.e. defining and explaining all the convoluted reasoning behind men who control women by any means necessary. Dr. Miller calls this behavior what it is ABUSE. She points out that we are socialized to deny and accept and cover up domestic abuse. My favorite line is her description of our society's response to domestic violence, including non-physical abuse, as one of "learned helplessness". This book is enlightening for those who work with women in abusive relationships, for the women themselves and for all of us living in a culture that creates, reinforces and perpetuates abuse against women.
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54 of 55 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No Visible Wounds, January 4, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
My copy of this book is dog-eared. It was the most helpful printed material I read as I fled from my abusive marriage the final time.
Mary Susan Miller writes with incredible insight and sensitivity, and effectively identifies the complexities of nonphysical battering. If you are in an abusive relationship, get this book. If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, get it for her. If neither of the above apply, donate a copy to your local Domestic Violence Shelter. Every abused woman should have a copy.
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41 of 41 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars At last someone looks at the psychological aspect of abuse, August 2, 2005
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
This book makes apparent what those in charge of prison camps have known all along. Psychological abuse is more debilitating than physical abuse. If you even think you are in an abusive relationship or if you feel you have an adult child in one, read this book. It won't make it all go away but understanding is the first step to healing.
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47 of 48 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book change my life, November 11, 2004
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This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
I knew there was something wrong with my marriage, but couldn't put my finger on it. This book opened my eyes and woke me up! I have to be honest, I cannot tell you much about the quality of Mary Susan Miller's writing style, I was too busy trying to absorb all the information.

Please don't hesitate to buy it; the price is small compared to the knowledge you will gain. I read this book cover to cover, then read it one more time and passed it on to my daughter. I'm going to buy a copy for my Mom, and one for each of my sisters. I feel this information is of value to every woman, no matter what kind of relationship she is in.
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53 of 56 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's legal to drive someone crazy, September 26, 2002
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This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
This book is the ONLY book that describes the verbal/emotional
abuse of "Gaslighting", psychological abuse that subtly debilitates and destroys a person's mind. The worst abuse is a man stealing his wife's personal items and telling his wife that "something is wrong" with their child,then asking the wife to question the and spank the child for stealing--- and then telling the child to "not upset Mommy because she is crazy and can't help it". This torture has been used to steal family money, to destroy a mother/child relationship and to ensure that the wife come under complete control of the husband. Read this book if you have been abused severely. It is of help to know that others exist.
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25 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It is time that emotional abuse comes out of the closet., January 20, 2007
By 
Sandy (San Francisco, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
I was married to an emotional, physcological and financial abuser. Reading this book helped me understand his motivations and my responses in a way that counseling did not. For years I could not understand why he did the things he did, but this book helped me see things in a different way and I was able to get some closure. The last chapter made me cry. Finally someone other than my therapist understood my feelings, what I went through and was now experiencing, after the marriage had ended. This is a must read for women who have lived with abuse and their friends and family. If you have never been in an abusive relationship, believe me, you cannot understand what it is like. This book will give you great insight into what your friend or family member is experiencing. I applaud Ms. Miller for wanting raise the awareness level of the damage and pervasiveness of emotional abuse. That is the first step towards stopping it.
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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Stark Reality, September 10, 2001
By 
Patricia B. Ross (Wellesley, MA USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
In our historic quest of honor and patriotic bravery, America has often forgotten the honor and bravery of protection and preservation in its human relationships as this spectacular book clearly shows. It applies equally well to men and to women since both are subject to the verbal and emotional abuses of each other when we allow ourselves to ignore the needs and sensitivities of others, especially our spouses. It is an excellent anthology on the behaviors which we sometimes ignore as abusive, or justify as legitimate, despite the damage they cause to the intimacies we are pledged to uphold in the vows we take when we are first married. It also does an excellent job of showing how such treatment is neglected in the courts and before judges who are rooted in the old fashioned leverage of justice where equality and equal treatment are not a part of civility, and the grandeur of chivalry (by males or females) is long forgotten as a part of our expectations. It shows why communications fail, why they are unlikely to be fixed, and why persons tend to stay with spouses who are abusive either to provide a stable environment for their children, or because much needed public services and support are not available to address their needs. It should be a required reading for all human relations training.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening, March 31, 2007
This review is from: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men (Paperback)
I was given this book about one year before I actually dug it out of the box I'd stuck it in and read it...someone suggested I highlight anything that might ring familiar...suffice it to say, most the book's passages are now bright yellow...Dr. Miller's insights into the abuser and the survivor's experiences - and her profound understanding of "covert" emotional/verbal abuse, brainwashing, "crazy-making," etc. were comforting and enlightening and somewhat painful...especially to a girl who had just broken free and remained in denial...I recommend this book to anyone who feels that they are being controlled, manipulated, and/or abused in any way. If nothing else, you will come to know that you are not alone - and in time - you will find strength and courage in the truths that Dr. Miller offers...
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No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men
No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary Susan Miller (Paperback - October 8, 1996)
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