Customer Reviews

Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your Mother and Father

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1 star:		(1)

 

 

Down with the Queen of Difficult

The words, difficult, stubborn, nosy, busy-body, controlling, demanding were invented for my mother.

She was always in my face about what I wore, the latest guy, when am I going to settle down, telling me not to see this friend or that. She had to know every detail of my life. She made me utterly miserable, then I read "Nobody's Baby Now.' Voila! I can handle her now. Newman offers ideas on how to change YOUR thinking about a needy parent and she shows you how
to make a parent feel loved while you pull back from her. I learned at age 32 I'm an adult, and I can make some of the rules about our relationship and do it nicely. What a blessing this book has been for me.

If you think you have a dysfunctional relationship with your parents and that they are the root cause for your unhappiness then this book is not for you. If, instead, you are an adult who takes responsibility for their own happiness and you are looking to improve the quality of your relationship with your parents this is a helpful tool towards that goal. Moving past the parent-child bond and into a richer more fullfilling relationship, dare I say friendship, can be difficult but if you're willing to be a grown up about it this book can assist you in tackling some of the issues you may be avoiding.

The authors personal anecdotes and related stories from her study subjects are helpful illustrations to which many of us can relate. It shows that even in the best of families we all have issues when it comes to dealing with our parents on an adult level. The chapters are concise and to the point without being cold and clinical.

As a professional in the field, what I like about Nobody's Baby Now is that the author gets to the point quickly and in clear, concise language. The author makes complicated problems and issues with parents easy to sort out and resolve. Her real life examples make you think she's talking about you and your parents. She has solutions for adult children who resort to child-like behavior when with parents, who allow parents to continue to run their adult lives or parents who put a wedge in their adult children's marriages. She's got a solid handle on in-laws and tells readers how to get their own; and she totally understands overly involved, judgemental grandparents. Her main points are highlighted in boxed areas for quick reference which tell you how to get a "grip" on the issues you may have with a parent.

This is a book that can save marriages from parents' destructive behaviors and put adult children in charge of their own lives by making them independent of Mommy and Daddy without severing this powerful and all important connection. It is must reading for all adult children - be their problems with their parents big or small.

A friend gave this book to me and once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. Susan Newman's Nobody's Baby Now is for any one of us "grownups" who has tried to sort through the complex range of Oh-not-that-again feelings that come up over and over when dealing with a parent(s). I found the insightful tips in Chapter 12, on friendship, especially helpful for breaking through those pesky patterns that land me in those old familiar territories of conflict.

When I saw the title of Dr. Newman's book I immediately bought it. For years I'd struggled in a strained relationship with my mother and I thought maybe this book would give me the advice I'd been searching for. Amazingly, it did!

Nobody's Baby Now helped me look at my relationship with my mother from a different perspective, understand issues from her point of view and forgive some acts I thought were unforgiveable.

Now, while our relationship might not be perfect, we are able to enjoy each others company and be more honest with each other.

Thank you Dr. Susan Newman!!

Nobody's Baby Now by Susan Newman, PhD. is Dr. Newman's twelfth book and a great help for working out personal conflicts between generations. As a family counselor Dr. Newman saw the need for this book, the only one which covers the problems between parent and adult children, dealing with the relationships from the point of view of the adult child. She offers many case studies and interviews which she documented over several years and which cover almost every conceivable relationship difficulty between grown children and their healthy, independent parents. (Other books cover problems with parents who need care and are dying.) These generational relationship problems are common to all adult children, and Dr. Newman offers numerous solutions which the adult child can use to develop a happy, appreciative, loving relationship with his or her parents in their older years so that they won't suffer regrets after the parent dies. This is an excellent book for every young adult to own and for every parent of adult children to read in order to make the best of this closest of all bonds, learning to treasure each other as peers and friends and letting go of old tapes and practices from childhood which are no longer appropriate.

The "generation gap" takes on an intensely personal meaning when you go "home" for a visit with your parents. Psychologists say something about the key to being a fully differentiated adult is being able to behave the same in or out of your parents' presence. It's harder than it sounds: many of us turn into rebellious or inadequate or withdrawn kids again. It helps a lot to aim for increased self-awareness. This clearly written book by Susan Newman offers a multitude of insights and anecdotes and much wisdom to help us get along better with those who used to get away with bossing us around. I also think reading this book would be a good way to get a handle on how our own kids will one day think about US. Eeek. Prevention is the better part of valor, or something like that.

My parents go from talking to me to not talking to me. Half the time I don't know what I did or said that starts their "isolation." I used to be miserable. Now I use the advice in Susan's Newman's book and, shock of shocks, it worked with my impossible parents. They talk to me and I don't feel guilty all the time. The book covers lots of issues between adult children and their parents - big or small. We solved the not talking problem, but now they're telling me how to raise my kids. It's back to Nobaody's Baby for me.

After I moved back into my parents home. I had alway had a great and mutually supportive relationship with my parents- as long as we weren't under the same roof! When I had to move back home, the support went from comforting during a rough time to downright smothering! It was hard for them to treat me as an adult in my childhood home. I understood their perspective- but I wasn't going to become the child again. Susan Newman's book was really insightful. It gave me some great suggestions for shaping this new "adult" relationship that I have with my parents. I recommend it to anyone with 'problem parents'.

Susan Newman PH, D., author of "Nobody's Baby Now" travels down a road many of us try to avoid. Dealing with conflict in family relationships often causes great anxiety and brings on ostrich behavior. Dr. Newman's practical experience and insightful advice, drawn from her extensive research, can help readers take their heads out of the sand and inspire them to meet the challenges involved in successfully handling family relationships.

I particularly found the chapter on grandparents very interesting, since I am a new grandmother. The issues presented are relevant. The solutions are realistic and extremely helpful.
Whether you surf the book or read it cover to cover you will find nuggets of information that will be helpful in reducing stress and enhancing the quality of your relationships. Dr. Newman writes with humor and a positive perspective .I find her style to be entertaining as well as encouraging. As a personal coach I intend to put "Nobody's Baby Now," on my client-reading list and recommend it whole-heartedly.