Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids [Paperback]

Lynne Van Luven (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 2006 | ISBN-10: 1894898400 | ISBN-13: 978-1894898409

Statistics say that one in 10 women has no intention of taking the plunge into motherhood. Nobody's Mother is a collection of stories by women who have already made this choice. From introspective to humorous to rabble-rousing, these are personal stories that are well and honestly told. The writers range in age from early 30s to mid-70s and come from diverse backgrounds. All have thought long and hard about the role of motherhood, their own destinies, what mothering means in our society and what their choice means to them as individuals and as members of their ethnic communities or social groups. Contributors include:Nancy Baron, a zoologist and science writer who works in the United States for eaWeb/COMPASS and has won two Science in Society awards, a National Magazine Award and a Western Magazine Award for Science. Lorna Crozier, well-known poet and the author of a dozen books, as well as the recipient of a Governor General's award and numerous other writing prizes.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Lynne Van Luven is an associate professor of applied writing at the Department of Writing, University of Victoria. She also writes reviews, feature commentaries and articles for a variety of outlets, including Books in Canada and Quill and Quire; is a regular contributor to CBC Radio'sThe Arts Today program; and has published two other anthologies of creative non-fiction.

From The Washington Post

Look as long as you like in a dictionary, but you won't find a warm and fuzzy definition for "childless." As Canadian poet Lorna Crozier notes in Nobody's Mother, Roget's thesaurus lists 43 synonyms for her condition, including, "barren, arid, gaunt, dry, dried-up, exhausted, drained, leached, sucked dry, wasted, fruitless." But Crozier and her fellow contributors, who range in age from early 30s to mid-70s, depict lives that provide a stark contrast to this desolate description.

Edited by Canadian writer Lynne Van Luven, Nobody's Mother offers a contemplative and frank look at what it means never to bear children. At times painful, occasionally humorous, the book challenges society's traditional assumptions about the role of women as childbearers. The collection occasionally has the cozy, superior air of a feminist collective, where women from an array of ethnic backgrounds and sectors of society speak proudly of how they've spent their day challenging the status quo. Most of the time, though, the book reads like an intimate conversation among friends, in which someone close to you has decided to explain the choices she's made in life.

On the whole, the book's contributors -- which include professors as well as a scientist and a tribal advocate -- feel fine about not having children. They've managed to nurture an array of nephews, nieces and other youngsters while also taking advantage of the freedom that comes from forgoing offspring. Some of the women devoted part of their youth to raising their siblings and have no desire to repeat the process; others had no choice in the matter when they experienced infertility or married older men who were unwilling to have more children.

But these women are not entirely free from regret. Rita Moir, a freelance writer and community activist, reveals that she has begun to question her decision to remain childless only in her later years, as her friends have begun to rejoice in their grandchildren. Maggie De Vries, an author and editor in Vancouver, confesses that she occasionally thinks about how she would have a teenager by now if she hadn't had an abortion in her 20s. But most of these writers challenge the societal conventions that prompt strangers at dinner parties to ask whether they wish they had children. Crozier recalls one dinner companion's surprise when she retorted, "Do you wish you hadn't?"

In an era when couples and single people alike are resorting to increasingly complex and expensive ways to get pregnant, this anthology gives readers a nuanced understanding of what women gain -- and give up -- when they opt not to produce a biological legacy. It is a valuable read for those who have borne children, not just for those who haven't.

-- Juliet Eilperin

Washington Post staff writer

Copyright 2007, The Washington Post. All Rights Reserved.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: TouchWood Editions (October 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1894898400
• ISBN-13: 978-1894898409
• Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #529,681 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nobody's mother but definitely not a...nobody!!!, April 26, 2007

By 

Stephen Pletko "Uncle Stevie" (London, Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids (Paperback)

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Consider the following questions:

(1) Have childless women missed out on one of the greatest experiences a women can have?

(2) Are mothers happier than childless women?

(3) Are mothers more fulfilled than childless women?

(4) Does being a mother make a women more "complete?"

(5) What are childless woman REALLY up to?

(6) What do childless women do with all the time they have not raising children?

(7) Are childless couples really DI-NKS (double income, no kids)?

These are just some of the questions answered in this enlightening, provocative, and sometimes humorous book, an anthology of brief essays (the last essay is actually a poem). The editor of this surprisingly frank book explains:

"[These] personal essays written by Canadian and American women...range in age from their early 30s to [their] mid-70s. Not all of the 21 contributors are professional writers--some are teachers, researchers, Aboriginal-rights activists, and world travelers--although almost all of them rely upon language and the written word in their work...This collection of personal essays examines the child-bearing choice intelligently and honestly, from [the] individual contributors' points of view; the essayists are your neighbors, your sisters, your colleagues, and your friends."

The women who contributed to this book can generally be put into three groups:

(1) those that are child-free intentionally

(2) those that are child-free by circumstances

(3) those that are child-free due to some twist of fate

Did I read some essays where there was some regret expressed about not having children? Yes. It seemed to me that this regret was more of a "comparison regret" or a "conformity regret" where the childless woman compared herself to usually her siblings and friends who were having children. This regret didn't seem to last long. I did notice that all contributors did have one thing in common: an overwhelming contentment with their lives.

Each essay ends with a brief description of a particular essayist's life. Here is an example:

"Lorna Crozier has taught at the University of Victoria [in British Columbia, Canada] since 1991. She has published 12 books of poetry...Her books have received [many awards]. She has also published non-fiction in various anthologies and has edited several collections of essays. Her poems have been translated into several languages and she has read her work from one end of the world to another. Her love for animals, especially cats, is boundless."

Finally, my only minor quibble with the book is with the above brief descriptions. I think they would have been more effective at the beginning of each essay so the reader could become acquainted with the female writer from the onset. (When I came to a particular essay, I flipped to its end to read about its writer then I read the essay proper.)

In conclusion, it's about time we had a book like this that deals directly with a controversial issue. Many of the contributors to this book have written books. Thus, I'd like to leave you with this quotation by Virginia Woolf:

"The world might perhaps be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood."

As well, here is an interesting quotation from comedian Rita Rudner:

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our rugs or ruin our lives."

(first published 2006; forward; introduction; 21 essays; main narrative 225 pages; acknowledgements)

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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Fruitful Examination of Not Having Kids, November 7, 2007

By 

J. Aragon "Feminist Educator" - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids (Paperback)

I wasn't sure what to expect w/ this book. It fell out of the shelf at the university library, when I was placing another book beside it. This seemed serendiptious, so I checked it out. Disclaimer: I have two children myself and probably wouldn't have bought the book or looked for it.

I found the book thoughtful, funny, and a little heartbreaking at times. The writing was honest, provocative, and thankfully unapologetic, which I appreciated most. These women were not bending themselves over backwards for forgetting to have children. A good number of them just didn't want to have kids.

It's ironic that for a culture (Western culture) that argues so vociferously for children doesn't understand that having kids is a choice and that not everyone should have children.

I hope that this book will be like the _Dropped Threads_ series and that a companion piece or two will be published. The audience for this book is wide--general or lay audience and undergraduate english, literature, sociology, anthropology and women's studies.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Straight from the Heart, November 2, 2007

By 

Susan F. Lick (South Beach, OR USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids (Paperback)

This Canadian anthology by various childless women is fabulous. Excellent writing, honesty and freshness set this book apart from the many other tomes on childlessness and make it not just a one-subject collection but an outstanding work of creative nonfiction. The writers have come to be childless in various ways, and they have really thought about what it means to never have children. What I like most is that there is no disapproval of others' choices, no dismissing mothers as "breeders" or childless women as "selfish." In fact, many of the women love children and have found that their childless state allows them to spread their mothering wherever it is needed. Highly recommended.