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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life [Paperback]

Marshall B. Rosenberg (Author), Arun Gandhi (Foreword)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (122 customer reviews) |
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Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2003
Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication partners practical skills with a powerful consciousness and vocabulary to help you get what you want peacefully.

In this internationally acclaimed text, Marshall Rosenberg offers insightful stories, anecdotes, practical exercises and role-plays that will dramatically change your approach to communication for the better. Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts and heal pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, Nonviolent Communication offers you the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace in your life—one interaction at a time.

Frequently Bought Together

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life + Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group or Classroom Study (Nonviolent Communication Guides) + The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides)
Price For All Three: $37.45

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A masterwork. Nationally, we talk peace. This book goes far beyond mere talk...It shows us how to TEACH peace."  —James E. Shaw, PhD, author, Jack and Jill, Why They Kill


"A powerful tool for peace and partnership...shows us how to listen empathically and...communicate our authentic feelings and needs."  —Riane Eisler, author, The Chalice and the Blade, Tomorrow's Children, and The Power of Partnership


"A simple yet powerful methodology for communicating...one of the most useful books you will ever read."  —William Ury, coauthor, Getting to Yes, and author, The Third Side

About the Author

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. is the founder and educational director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Deemed international peacemaker, mediator and healer, he spends more than 250 days each year teaching these remarkably effective communication and conflict resolution skills in local communities, at national conferences and in some of the most impoverished, war-torn areas of the world. He is based in Wasserfallenhof, Switzerland.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 222 pages
  • Publisher: Puddledancer Press; 2nd edition (September 1, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1892005034
  • ISBN-13: 978-1892005038
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (122 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,090 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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More About the Author

› Visit Amazon's Marshall B. Rosenberg Page
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. has initiated peace programs in war-torn areas throughout the world including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, the Middle East, Serbia, Croatia, and Ireland. He is the founder and director of educational services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), an international nonprofit organization that offers workshops and training in 30 countries. Dr. Rosenberg is the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd edition, PuddleDancer Press, 2003).

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
155 of 157 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Initially I thought this book wouldn't be relevant to me since I didn't consider myself a "violent" communicator. A few pages into the book however, it became evident to me that despite my easy-going nature, I had much to learn about communication. Dr. Rosenberg identifies learned communication that disconnects us from each other and is at the very root of violence. He then offers a simple yet powerful 4 step model that leads to respectful and compassionate communication. One catch - while the model is simple, it can be challenging to apply, especially when we're upset. That's because most of us have learned to blame others when we're upset and it's hard to unlearn this behavior. However, use of the model deepens our awareness and it becomes very clear how destructive our habitual knee-jerk reactions are to both ourselves and others. The Nonviolent Communication model helps us to become conscious and choose to respond differently - that is in ways that are more likely to lead to positive and satisfying outcomes for everyone. If you'd like to transform your relationships, for example: learn how to really listen to others while not taking anything you hear personally (what a gift!), learn how to give and receive in ways that are deeply gratifying, and much more, this is a must read. Also, this model is applicable in all relationship types - perfect for couples, parents, teachers, managers, executives, counselors and anyone else interested in relationship building.

On a personal note, this book has been life-changing for me. I have witnessed truly amazing results in all my relationships including one relationship which had been a great struggle for me for many years.

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124 of 130 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In November, 2000, I read the previous edition of this book...The quality of empathy I now am able to provide has enlivened my therapy practice, and meets my need for hope that I can contribute to the well being of my clients, and also connect deeply with my friends and family. The step-by-step empathy skills in this book are learnable by anyone..

This latest edition of Dr. Rosenberg's book has a completely new chapter called, "Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves." It's about what he calls, "self-compassion." He writes, "When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others." I enjoyed this chapter because it helped me translate my self-judgments into statements of my own unmet needs. I now see that when I am angry with myself it is because my actions were not in harmony with my values. Seeing things from this perspective helps me mourn my action and move into self-forgiveness by connecting with the specfic need I was trying to meet when I used a strategy that I now regret. I particularly enjoyed the section on translating "have-to" into "choose-to." The exercise showed me how to locate the choice in what I do, by connecting with the need, want, or value each activity serves. I find I have more energy, more compassion when I experience choice in my life.

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283 of 304 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I borrowed this book from the local library after it caught my eye, sitting on the "new books" display. It's a pretty good book, although I do have some reservations about it.

/Nonviolent Communication/ is a rather easy read. This is both good and bad - good, because you're not slogging through lots of academia-speak and technical jargon; but also bad because you might breeze through the book too quickly to truly absorb the rather useful and insightful information it is offering.

The idea behind the NVC process is rather simple - it's mostly about learning to be more precise in expressing your feelings, their cause(s), and what you would like done to resolve them. Rather than saying "you never clean the !@#$ kitchen," the NVC approach would be to say something along the lines of: "When you do not take out the trash in the kitchen, I feel __________." And so on. NVC also encourages you to be receptive to what other people are saying and feeling, even if (or perhaps especially if) they do not word things with as much precision and care.

The approach is very sound, but I have reservations about the way the book presents it. Most of the example conversations are so unbelievably robotic, at times I just wanted to laugh out loud at how absurd they were. My initial thought was that I was being unreasonable - after all, they're just words on a page, and perhaps they would seem less laughable in person with real emotion behind them. And then I realized that was the key that was missing - the conversations were little other than the facts of the situation, and the exact words the people said. There was no emotional context, no insight into the feelings that were being expressed. I found this to be extremely ironic. A book about expressing emotions, with lots of examples that HAD no emotion!

I think if you can get beyond the rather mediocre examples, and put genuine *thought* into the principles the author outlines, you will find much of value in the book. Before reading /Nonviolent Communication/, I didn't think much about how the imprecision in our wording can cause a great deal of conflict. "You are so inconsiderate!" versus "When you leave your dirty dinner plate on the table and go watch football, I feel very angry. Would you please rinse the plate and put it in the dishwasher?" It's a world of difference, and I believe there is much benefit to this approach.

Final thought: there's a lot of good stuff in this book, but the presentation could use some work. Read the book carefully, and do not go as quickly as the breezy writing style allows - the material here needs careful consideration for it to truly benefit you.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Just what I wanted
I learned about this book while on retreat. I was most impressed with the way it gives the reader ways to address negative, difficult issues in a non-aggressive way. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Marilynn J. Pavlov
great book
This is a wonderful book. I ordered one for my son and one for myself. Highly recommend. Book arrived really fast and in great shape.
Published 4 months ago by Sandi
Life Changing Book
Everyone should read this book. I am buying this for a friend and would buy one for everyone I know if I could!
Published 4 months ago by Julia H.
Perfect!
I read this book and every page of it is a gift. I loved it and learned a lot with it. I have already changed some of my behaviors and responses due to the teachings it has. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Luisa Agante
Positively, irrevocably changed my life!
I can't rate this book high enough!

This book taught me how to both think, talk and listen in the most constructive ways I had never even thought about before. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Ted R. Smith
Super Sweet Manual! One Reservation
Rosenberg has written many great books, all potential game-changers, whether for family therapy or conflict resolution between warring factions. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Alexandra
Disappointing
The book was required reading for a class I am taking. Ouch--practically unreadable, and even less useful. I have studied communication for more than a decade. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Marilyn E. Jess
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
This book has proven invaluable for opening communication with my spouse. Though it was recommended to us as a tool for anger management, I feel that this book is worth its weight... Read more
Published 5 months ago by books4me
I wish I had learned this as a teenager
I grew up under parents steeped in the "Domination Culture" Rosenberg has described. This book as well as other materials from The Center for Nonviolent Communication have provided... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Mason Ainsworth
A Must Read For Effective Communication
The book goes through practical steps and examples of how to effectively apply the techniques of nonviolent communication. It is realistic and practical. Read more
Published 7 months ago by George Tucker
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
agreement that the speaker, receiving empathically, observing without evaluating, observation without evaluation, positive action language, responsibility for our feelings, emotional slavery, protective use, anger fully, identifying and expressing feelings, giving from the heart, circle this one, emotional liberation, moralistic judgments, acknowledging responsibility
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Press Visit, Ruth Bebermeyer, Hank Smith, United States, Carl Rogers, West Bank
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