Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion [Paperback]

Marshall B. Rosenberg (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"I believe the principles and techniques in this book can literally change the world, but more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough." -- Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Soul series

"Marshall Rosenberg is the mentor I wish we'd all had growing up. We learned to speak but not communicate and that has led to so much unnecessary personal and social misery. In this book you will find an amazingly effective language for saying what's on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it's simple on the surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results. I use these tools every day and can totally vouch for them."(Vicki Robin - Co-author (with the late Joe Dominguez) - Your Money or Your Life) -- (Vicki Robin)

"Marshall Rosenberg's dynamic communication techniques transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues. You'll learn simple tools to diffuse arguments and create compassionate connections with your family, friends, and other acquaintances. I highly recommend this book." -- John Gray, Ph.D., Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus

"Nonviolent communication is the lost language of humankind, the language of a people who care about one another and long to live in harmony. Using stories, examples and sample dialogues, Marshall Rosenberg provides everyday solutions to perplexing communication problems. Readers will learn how to transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues; break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression; speak their mind without crating hostility; communicate compassionately using the healing power of empathy; hear whatever is said to them as a "please" or "thank you"; and make life more wonderful for themselves, their families, their colleagues, and all with whom they come into contact. In our present age of uncivil discourse and mean-spirited demagoguery, racial hatreds and ethnic intolerance, the principles and practices outlined in Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication are as timely as they are necessary to the peace resolution of conflicts, personal or public, domestic or international." -- Midwest Book Review - Taylor's Shelf

"We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships" -- Deepak Chopra

From the Publisher

Marshall Rosenberg has rediscovered the lost language of humankind, the language of a people who care about one another and long to live in harmony. He guides us in reframing the way we express ourselves and listen to others by focusing our consciousness on four areas: what we are observing, feeling, and needing and what we are requesting to enrich our lives. The skills he teaches foster deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Puddledancer Press (1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1892005026
• ISBN-13: 978-1892005021
• Product Dimensions: 9.9 x 6.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #58,130 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. has initiated peace programs in war-torn areas throughout the world including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, the Middle East, Serbia, Croatia, and Ireland. He is the founder and director of educational services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), an international nonprofit organization that offers workshops and training in 30 countries. Dr. Rosenberg is the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd edition, PuddleDancer Press, 2003).

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars NVC can be applied in any communication scenario, September 22, 2001

By 

Lee Hudspeth - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Paperback)

Featured Book - "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B.
Rosenberg, Ph.D.

This book's full title is "Nonviolent Communication: A Language
of Compassion." It was brought to my attention by the founders of
my sons' school, and for that I thank them. This book explains
Rosenberg's philosophy and model for communicating with others in
a compassionate, nonviolent way. It explores the profound
subtleties of the messages behind the words we use, and examines
how to listen, truly listen, to the messages being sent to us by
the people we communicate with, as well as the messages we are
sending.

In Chapter 1 Rosenberg begins, "Believing that it is our nature
to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner, I have
been preoccupied most of my life with two questions. What happens

to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to
behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows
some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under
even the most trying circumstances?"

The Nonviolent Communication ("NVC") model's main precept is to
train oneself to focus carefully on words as they're received,
and to examine the speaker's feelings and needs, along with one's
own, in a nonjudgmental way. The model is comprised of four

components: observation, feelings, needs, and request. The next
level of engagement involves expressing oneself honestly using
the four components, and receiving empathically using the four
components. I'll leave the details for your reading pleasure;
Rosenberg does an excellent job of walking through the model, its
theory and history, its application, and its potential for
profound and positive change. His writing style is engaging,
friendly, straightforward, and sincere. He relates his own
experiences as a youth, a clinical psychologist, and his many
world-wide efforts to promote nonviolent resolution of disputes
and conflicts, thereby providing a good balance between theory
and examples of NVC in action.

Rosenberg's NVC model works in both directions of human
communication: us listening compassionately, and us speaking
compassionately. NVC can be applied in any communication
scenario, whether with a child, significant other, sibling,
parent, business partner, client, neighbor, stranger... anyone
and everyone you communicate with.

I highly recommend this book to you. The NVC tools and
Rosenberg's insights assist me every day, and have profoundly
enriched my interpersonal communications.

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best easiest-to-follow 'how to' on communication skill ever, July 5, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Paperback)

This is the easiest to follow 'how to' book that I've read.

I must say that the first time I composed a total NVC sentence in response to something my daughter had done, I was thrilled with the silence with which she responded. It was like she totally heard what I said.

The premises from which Rosenburg starts are that compassion is a basic human state and that the specific process we use in communicating can make all the difference in how our message is received. Rosenberg says, " When we use NVC in our interactions--with ourselves, with an other person, or in a group--we become grounded in our natural state of compassion. NVC is an approach that can be effectively applied at all levels of communication and in diverse situations from self-talk to international politics.

Rosenberg states that there is nothing new in the NVC process; that it is to remind us about what we already know about relating to each other and to show us how to live in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge. "Through its emphasis on deep listening--to ourselves as well as others--NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart."

The NVC model for communications includes: observing, without judgement, actions that effect our well-being, stating our feelings as we observe the action, saying what needs, values, desires are connected to the feelings, and requesting the concrete actions we would like.

For most of us it is difficult to make observations of people and their behavior that is free of judgement, criticism or analysis. When we include evaluation in observations people often hear us as criticizing them. What's more if our internal language doesn't clearly distinguish between, on one hand, the values we hold and, on the other hand, the objective descriptions of other's behaviors' we're troubled by, even our internal self-talk creates a dyanmic that makes communication difficult and conflict likely.

For the second component of the model many people he suggests it's valuable to increase our vocabulary in the area of feelings and emotions, NOT to be came diagnositicians or (on the other hand) to become pools of emotions, but to use them to get connected with our needs, and to convey our needs to others in a way that our vulnerability makes it easier for others to hear us. In short, that, along with clearity what we want from others, clarity about where we're comming from emotinally enhances connections between people.

Next he suggests we need to learn about our own needs. We're usually all pretty good at thinking about what's wrong with others. So, for example, if we want tools to be put back, we may characterize our children as "lazy" for leaving them about.

The fourth component of the model is learning how to express what we would like in a way in which others are more likely to respond compassionately. (In other words -- how to make effective requests.) We also, he suggests, need tools to learn how to find out if our messages has been adequately heard.

Rosenberg's model is used both for expressing ourselves honestly and receiving empathetically from others. At the beginning of any interaction we always have the choice of receiving information or expressing our own.

If I'm mad at you I have the choice of telling you about my anger or listening to your experience of the situation. In receiving empathetically we still use the model and listen for the other persons observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

In the final chapters Rosenburg discusses the power of empathy, how to express anger fully, the use of protective force, using NVC when talking with ourselves and -- last but not least -- expressing appreciation in ways richer than we commonly do.

Rosenburg includes many songs, poems, stories, anecdotes and exercises in his work in order to illustrate his points. This makes his book enjoyable to read as well as a valuable communications course.

What I would like now is some people with which to practice this model. It's not hard to make up one sentence to try the model out, but to become facile enough to respond easily in this style would take practice, support and more practice.

Judy Nommik, Ph.D.

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading for anyone interested in communication!, February 7, 1999

By 

Wes Taylor ([e-mail]) (Flagstaff, AZ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Paperback)

Marshall Rosenberg offers a radical challenge to centuries of momentum toward thought and language that creates violence. His teachings illuminate the underpinnings of violence in our world, but maybe more importantly in our families and everyday life. The book addresses violence in its dramatic as well as subtle forms. He covers familiar territory for those who have studied communication and language, however the profound foundations and simple practicality of his message far exceed others' offerings to date. This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling cycles of argument in their relationship. It is essential for parents who wish to influence their childrens' behavior by engendering compassion rather than simply achieving obediance. It is essential for mediators encumbered by complex models of negotiation. Although not collaborators, Rosenberg's teachings provide the theoretical understanding and practical application consistent with the writings and research summaries of Alfie Kohn in his books "Punished by Rewards", "Beyond Discipline", and "No Contest" (as well as others by Kohn). If enough people actually make use of the material in "Nonviolent Communication" we may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world.