Customer Reviews

Not Afraid to Change: The Remarkable Story of How One Man Overcame Homosexuality

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

John Paulk was my neighbor for approximatly 18 months beginning in 9-83 in an apartment complex in Columbus named Alhambra Court. I was an aquaintence, I was a friend. I also got to know John and what makes him tick. So when I heard about this book, I had to read it to see how honest an account it was of John's decline into Candy, his drag queen persona. As with anything that I ever encountered with John, this book contains about half of what went on -- but it doesn't include the truth so much as it "Candy" coats it. Paulk and his ghost writer gloss over the depths of his self deception, and the harm that he placed others in, both physically and emotionally. Nor has Paulk apologized for what he did to those of us in Columbus during his tenure. No, the tone of the book is written in a fashion which doesn't challenge readers so much as it tells a very well dressed anti-gay message designed to go down easy like sugar laced medicine. The breezy style doesn't involve the readers to ask questions so much as it does permit the Christian right to validate his journey and apply it in a broad brush to all people.

This book isn't about having the courage to change so much as it is an excercise in PR allowing John to draw attention to himself. I found it funny that 2 of those who gave this book positive reviews were members of John's family. Well this is a negative review from someone who was there and knows the truth and is still waiting for John/Candy to be honest with himself and the public and really show that he's taken responsibility for his actions and changed. If one reads this book as fiction, its mildly amusing. Taken as fact, it is as deceptive as John Paulk wants it to be.

This book is one big lie. John Paulk is not an "ex-gay" at all. He hasn't been able to "change" his homosexuality, yet. He just managed to pretend he was straight for a few years. But then this new story appeared on the news wires today (10/4/2000):

John Paulk removed as leader of Exodus

John Paulk, a leader in the "ex-gay" movement who was spotted in a Washington, D.C., gay bar last month, was removed as chairman of Exodus North America on Tuesday, but he was allowed to remain on the board as a member on "probationary" status. Paulk, who appeared with his wife, an "ex-lesbian," on a 1998 Newsweek cover about ex-gays, was spotted by two Human Rights Campaign members in Mr. P's bar on September 19. "John told the board that he had 'no sinful intentions' in entering that bar," Bob Davies, North American director of Exodus International, said in a release. "However, he did engage in behavior which has negatively impacted the credibility of Exodus. He was guilty of a serious lapse in judgment, and we feel this behavior warrants some type of disciplinary action." Paulk said he didn't know the bar is gay and went there only to use the rest room, although reports allege he stayed in the bar for 40 minutes. Davies said that Paulk has now admitted that his story was a lie and that he knew Mr. P's is a gay bar. "It's very unfortunate that, initially, John was so fearful that he hid the truth," said Davies. "He told me later that he was more ashamed of how he handled that than his initial decision to enter the bar." As part of his probationary status, Paulk will be required to meet a series of criteria, which have not been made public. "We are confident that they will ensure that John is given appropriate accountability and support as he moves through a period of restoration," Davies said. Although Paulk will remain on the board, he will not be able to attend meetings or vote during his probation.

book such as these continue the myth that homosexuality is wrong - it is sad to think some people still believe this nonsense. It is interesting to read about the author's recent changes... sad.

Pathetic nonsense by equally pathetic people. John Paulk's "change" is more about money and notoriety than God. I'm sure for the right fee and the correct amount of publicity he (along w/his "former lesbian" wife) would just as eagerly embrace the ex-ex-gay movement. This book is not for anybody, but to those who are confused about their sexual orientation it could be especially damaging. My advice to anyone who has questions about homosexuality (either theirs or someone elses) is to seek counseling from a true professional, whose facts are based on science and research, as opposed to profitable "conversions" and a God that has been twisted into the same kind of self hating homophobe as his followers.

Now I'm not Christian, nor have I ever been. I was raised in a Catholic household and fortunately I saw the fact that there was no need to believe in silly things such as god. I believe there is a higher power but whatever it is it isn't like the Christian god. I don't know if gays are born with their preference or something in their upbringing causes them to be gay, but either way, if someone is happy, let them be happy, don't fix what isn't broken, let them be gay.

This book is for gay-hating, conservative christians, to read so they can say, "Yeah see. It is wrong and can be cured. I knew it (in my closed mind) all along." Or gays that were never really gay, gays who are gay just becasue they are confused and lonely and got drawn into gay culture, kinda like John.

But for people who know they are gay, (and gay for whatever reason or because of whatever) they don't need this crap.

John really pours it all out here. Lots of pre-born-again detail. Great, 'Getting saved' climax. There's no pushing, 'The Faith' here, just a honest bio..

This is one of the best ex-gay books I've ever read. If you want to read an ex-gay book without a lotta bible verses, then this is the one for you. After reading this book, you will be able to understand the hows and whys of ex-gays and the ex-gay community, in general. The most active form of homophobia is reserved against gays when they attempt to exit the lifestyle -- they are almost always universally condemned by both straights and gays. Read this book and you won't feel intolerance against ex-gays anymore cos it helps you understand why some gays want to leave.

Mr. Paulk's book is remarkable in light of his return to a gay bar in Washington, DC., where someone took his photograph in the men's room. Perhaps his salvation simply did not "take."

I have not yet met John, but am related to him by marriage. My sister is John's step mother. I recently visited my sister and his father and had a chance to meet some of John's relatives. While there, John's father gave me his copy of John's book to read. I could not put it down, staying up late for two evenings to finish it.

John's story is told with a frankness I've seldom seen. He is candid in sharing his feelings and activities. We see John progress from homosexual to escort, to drag queen, to change program participant, to counselor to husband and father. All along the way, he continues to search for unconditional acceptance and a love which will never leave him. His self-searching and honest appraisal of his inner feelings reveals the emptiness of the life he was leading.

I shed tears many times during my reading of this book. While the main focus is on him finding God's will for his life, John's story is also one of relationship healing. I was especially moved by the way he described the progress of establishing a close relationship with his father after his parents divorced while John was very young. As a father myself, I can relate to the desire for closeness between a father and son. He also recounts the same kind of relationship rebuilding with his mother. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned, but I enjoy happy endings.

Whatever you might think about the causes of homosexuality and your religious preferences, I think you will enjoy this story as it describes one person's search for happiness and fulfillment. I highly recommend this book and am purchasing extra copies to give to my son and my friends.

William A. Cox

John very openly, and sometimes graphically, shares his life. It is his life story, but is an example of how GOD can change anyone's life.

His story is outrageous - no question (the average life story does not include a background of prostitution or being a beautifully popular drag queen) - but I was struck by how his path is not so different from many other people: A child, torn by his parents divorce.... a young adult seeking validation and gratification in drugs and indiscriminant sex.... an individual in search of a lover that wouldn't leave....

John goes a step further to show readers that his life radically changed when he opened up to God. It really is a love story. John had become painfully aware that the places he went and the things he did in his pursuit of fulfillment were temporary, empty and lacking.

All through his life God was screaming, "I LOVE YOU!", but John was covering his ears. When he accepted God's love, he found his heart ! moved in different circles. He had finally found the love that would never leave him.

I was very touched by the story of his courtship to Anne. I found myself unexplainably in tears when I read of the healing of his relationships with his parents.

Thank you, John, for your story and your example that God can change even a messed up heart. Truly an inspiration.