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Not Becoming My Mother: and Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way [Bargain Price] [Hardcover]

Ruth Reichl
3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)


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Book Description

April 21, 2009
Bestselling author Ruth Reichl examines her mother's life, giving voice to the universal unarticulated truth that we are grateful not to be our mothers

In Not Becoming My Mother, bestselling author Ruth Reichl embarks on a clear-eyed, openhearted investigation of her mother's life, piecing together the journey of a woman she comes to realize she never really knew. Looking to her mother's letters and diaries, Reichl confronts the painful transition her mother made from a hopeful young woman to an increasingly unhappy older one and realizes the tremendous sacrifices she made to make sure her daughter's life would not be as disappointing as her own.

Growing up in Cleveland, Miriam Brudno dreamed of becoming a doctor, like her father. But when she announced this, her parents said, "You're no beauty, and it's too bad you're such an intellectual. But if you become a doctor, no man will ever marry you." Instead, at twenty, Miriam opened a bookstore, a profession everyone agreed was suitably ladylike. She corresponded with authors all over the world, including philosophers such as Bertrand Russell, political figures such as Max Eastman, and novelists such as Christopher Marlowe. It was the happiest time of her life.

Nearly thirty when she finally married, she fulfilled expectations, settled down, left her bookstore behind, and started a family. But conformity came at a tremendous cost. With labor-saving devices to aid in household chores, there was simply not enough to do to fill the days. Miriam-and most of her friends-were smart, educated women who were often bored, miserable, and silently rebellious.

On what would have been Miriam's one hundredth birthday Reichl opens up her mother's diaries for the first time and encounters a whole new woman. This is a person she had never known. In this intimate study Reichl comes to understand the lessons of rebellion, independence, and self-acceptance that her mother-though unable to guide herself-succeeded in teaching her daughter.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. The slender size of Reichl's memoir of her late mother's life belies its powerful tale of a young woman, Miriam Brudno, who bowed to societal and familial pressure to become a wife and a mother over pursuing a fulfilling career. While Reichl, editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine, is well known for writing about her culinary adventures (Tender at the Bone; Garlic and Sapphires), this beautifully crafted homage follows a more personal path as she pushes past Mim Tales—stories she told about her mother to entertain her readers and friends—to dive deep into her mother's diaries and letters, paying tribute to a woman who was raised when good women didn't work if they didn't have to. So Miriam Brudno struggled to fit the mold of the perfect housewife, until she finally told a friend, Who cares about menus... when there are so many more interesting things to think about? When Reichl discovers an unopened letter to herself, she reads that her mother was cheering me on and pointing out that I had an obligation, both to myself and to her, to use my life well. Reichl has created a masterful portrait of a mother-daughter relationship that will resonate with readers across generations. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Irreverently immortalized as the klutzy cook who renounced edibility in favor of creativity, Reichl’s mother, and her quirky kitchen habits,provided frivolous fodder for Reichl’s previous culinary memoirs. But in this keenly felt retrospective, Reichl reveals another side of her mother, whose life seemed a shining example of what not to do. Where once Miriam harbored visions of being a doctor and applied her formidable intellect in the business world, she ultimately subjugated her own ambition and desires in favor of those of her family, thus providing her daughter with a seemingly negative role model. Sadly typical of her time and generation, Miriam surrendered personal dreams to suit society’s restrictive ideals of feminine conduct, and paid a steep psychic price. Only upon discovering a hidden trove of diaries and letters after Miriam’s death was Reichl able to understand the full extent of her mother’s sacrifices. Candid and insightful, Reichl’s intensely personal and fiercely loving tribute acknowledges her mother as both the source and inspiration behind her success. --Carol Haggas

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 128 pages
  • Publisher: Penguin Press HC, The; 1st edition (April 21, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1594202168
  • ASIN: B0043RT8WW
  • Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5.3 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #511,984 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ruth Reichl, Gourmet's editor in chief, is the author of the best-selling memoirs Tender at the Bone, Comfort Me with Apples, and Garlic and Sapphires, and the forthcoming Not Becoming My Mother and Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way. She is executive producer of the two-time James Beard Award-winning Gourmet's Diary of a Foodie, which airs on public television across the country, and the editor of the Modern Library Food Series. Before coming to Gourmet, she was the restaurant critic for the New York Times, receiving two James Beard Awards for her work. She lectures frequently on food and culture.

Customer Reviews

Ruth Reichl has a style of writing that keeps you in the story. yellowcatsjazz  |  6 reviewers made a similar statement
Love Rieichl but maybe she should leave Mom where she was in her "other" books. Victoria Hochman  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
87 of 96 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Very disappointing April 24, 2009
By JackieO
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Having loved Reichl's three other books and having loved the bits of her mother throughout them, I was really looking forward to this book. Right out of the box, it makes a bad first impression - it's small (really small) with large type and large margins. She starts off by recounting how stories involving her mother in her previous books were embarrassing, and consequently approaches this one cautiously. Maybe too cautiously? I liked the concept of Reichl using her mother's old letters as a framework on which to build the story, but nothing ever really happened with it. Worse than not having a solid story, this book lacks feeling, something you'd expect, and hope, to find so prevalent in a daughter's retelling of her mother's life. What you get here is a plain vanilla version of the story of an intersting, colorful woman that reads more like a Wikipedia biography than anything else.

The woman in Reichl's other books was so real, so believable, so much like other women I've known from that generation all stitched together. That woman is barely recognizable here. We learn a bit about why she became the woman she did, but nothing about that woman. Reichl's mother seems more real through a quick memory in any of her previous books than she does in all 128 pages here.

Like another reviewer, it seemed obvious to me that this was published only to satisfy a contract. Otherwise, why would it have made it to the shelf? Of all the quips about her mother that Reichl has put into print, this is the most embarrassing. Save your money and wait to find this one in the bargain bin.
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40 of 47 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good, not great April 21, 2009
By Corsma
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
I have really enjoyed so many of Ruth Reichl's previous books and I JUST got my Kindle, so I was really excited to make this my first purchase. Sigh, I was so excited, I didn't realize it was a slim, slim volume. 128 pages or so. I finished it in about an hour. This should have been an article in the New Yorker, not a book. Glad I didn't pay to have the hardcover. It was a nice little story, but again, not a book, more an essay. Ah well, I will wait for the next one to come out.
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25 of 29 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A stunning little book. June 26, 2009
Format:Hardcover
Yes, it's small and if you're looking for another of Reichl's complex food memoirs, you will be disappointed. Instead, this is a moving account of how Reichl rediscovered her mother through her mother's letters and notes.

Reichl's first memoir, Tender at the Bone, contained a lot of her mother and most of what was there was difficulty-- a mother mental illness with no talent for being a homemaker. This new work examines why her mother was a homemaker at all and the resounding answer is that she, like so many other women at that time, had no other choice.

In the end, what makes this book truly revelatory is that fact that it does the work that so many daughters cannot-- she tells her mother's story and by telling that story, Reichl comes to understanding. Then you can feel forgiveness in the pages and that forgiveness transformed into gratefulness. This book wasn't what I expected at all but I am so happy to have found it.
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27 of 32 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars A magazine article, not a book April 26, 2009
By BW
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I bought this on the Kindle, so I had no idea how short it was. If I had, I wouldn't have purchased it. I'm a big fan of Reichl's books, and am very puzzled why she's published this. As I read it, I kept wondering when the real book was going to start. It's a prelude, or a magazine article, not a book. Save your money and get it from the library; it's not worth the price.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Making Excuses for Mom May 22, 2009
By Laura
Format:Hardcover
I enjoyed Reichl's previous memoirs but was disappointed by this book. I understand the motivation to make sense of a difficult relationship with a mother who even when described in sugar-coated terms comes across as a bitter, attention-seeking monster. But by blaming society and her own grandmother for her mother's misery - a misery that mother was willing to inflict on all those around her - Reichl cops out.

In retrospect, with her mother long gone, Reichl finds a way to reassess her mother's cruel statements. They weren't insults! They weren't messages that nothing you do will ever be good enough! They were lessons designed to help her daughter have a better life! I'm not convinced. Nothing in this vivid portrait supports the conclusion that "Mom" was anything other than selfish, angry and judgmental. It is a testament to Reichl's strength and intelligence that she was able to make her mother a likable character in her previous books. To try and justify her mother's behavior by seeing good intentions that probably weren't there is understandable, but doesn't ring true.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Astonishing and Tender November 9, 2009
Format:Hardcover
When my mother died I scoured the corners of her home for her. She was neat to a fault...leaving nary a note or memo or letter. She had neatly listed each item of jewelry she owned and written my name or my sister's name next to it...so we wouldn't fight over it.

But there was no box of letters or notes to mine for the stories. So, my mother, a lifelong story teller, left a void.

And when combined with Ruth's clean, compact story telling the book is a gift..a treasure.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Lacking soul May 20, 2009
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book had so much potential: interesting subjects in both the lives of that generation of women and Ms. Reichl's mother, a charming character. Ms. Reichl's writing is typically warm, vivid and engaging, but this "book" was none of those things, nor did it bring to life either of the subjects. I've found more enjoyment reading her letters at the beginning Gourmet magazine than I found here.

Weighing in at hardly over 100 large font-typed, wide margin pages, this book hardly warrants its own publication, it would have been fine as a chapter in any one of Ms. Reichl's other books. In fact, short as this book is, it repeats some of the stories from other books, compounding the disappointment. All could be forgiven, or at least overlooked, if the writing was as incredible as some of Ms. Reichls past efforts. Sadly, it is not. The characters are flat, the writing feels strained and the story reads like a diary entry from a particularly rainy day.

If you are big Ruth Reichl fan, as I am, and you are determined to read this, get it from the library. Otherwise, I would simply suggest that you go back and re-read Tender at the Bone and let the character of Ms. Reichl's mother reach out you in her charming way from there.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Ruth Reichl is my hero
Get all her books as fast as you can. But don't forget to get this one. Tells every secret to her amazing life. You will love it. You'll also want a daughter asap.
Published 2 months ago by S. Belson
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book!
I really enjoyed reading this short but very well written book. I loved the story; its funny, sad, happy, and you feel good after you read it. What more could you want?
Published 17 months ago by no name
2.0 out of 5 stars too much repetition from other books
I eagerly awaited getting into this book after reading "Tender at the Bone" by the same author. Loved "Tender... Read more
Published 20 months ago by Fay Obergfell
4.0 out of 5 stars Short but Powerful
A moving and surprisingly gripping account of how Ruth Reichl's mother struggled for happiness and meaning at a time--not so long ago--when beauty was a woman's only asset, and... Read more
Published on December 30, 2010 by Jaylia3
2.0 out of 5 stars Small Bite, Not Tasty
This book was disappointing. Having completely enjoyed Reichl's other books, I anticipated another good read. The title itself was half as long as the book. Read more
Published on October 2, 2010 by Nancy Lynch
2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed
$16.99 for the Kindle version ( more than $3 higher than the hardcover)-- for, what is essentially, a magazine article??? Read more
Published on September 23, 2010 by Allison T. Jones
3.0 out of 5 stars Mim's Memoirs
This book starts with a bang as Ruth's mother concocts a most disgusting snack of moldy chocolate pudding, old, hard marshmallows and canned peaches for Ruth's Girl Scout troop. Read more
Published on August 20, 2010 by Terri J. Rice
1.0 out of 5 stars The Case of the Missing Book
Where to begin??? Here it is Feb.13 and I still don't have this book...I have another book, which I did not order and do not want. Read more
Published on February 13, 2010 by Linda R. Burnett
5.0 out of 5 stars Not Becoming My Mother and other things my mother taught me
A very poignant book. I think every daughter should read this, no matter what the age. It tells you a lot about many of our own mothers. Read more
Published on December 2, 2009 by yellowcatsjazz
1.0 out of 5 stars Too short, not enough depth
This book is sadly lacking in both depth and content. Once I had the book in my hand and could see the small size of the book and then the large type I immediately knew it would... Read more
Published on November 29, 2009 by A. Barstow
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