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Not Fit For Human Consumption: A Comedic Farce [Kindle Edition]

Elmore Hammes
3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

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Book Description

A tale not to be taken too seriously, featuring cockroaches, genetically enhanced rats, foosball table destruction, rabbits, high school science clubs, hedgehog conspiracy theorists, military coups, adolescent bomb shelter romance and cosmic entities bent on annihilation.

As Arax the Annihilator tries to destroy the world, Henry Stewart, member of the Hedgehog Surveillance Network, is hoping to be part of the New World Order after the government topples (and join the Mile High Club in an airplane lavatory).

Loretta the rabbit, who just wants to hop free in a meadow after a lifetime of captivity, may be the key to stopping Arax - but only if she can avoid the neighborhood cats.

Meanwhile, Omar Sharteen wants to bomb his own Parliament building so the US will build a nice shiny new one, while Peter the Cockroach, prophesizes that cockroaches will be the final survivors.

A host of other characters interact against the backdrop of Arax's rampage in this often silly and occasionally serious farce.

The author regrets immensely not having any zombies in this book. Or monkeys. Or zombie monkeys.

The novel contains suggestive language (the PG-rated variety) and is recommended for teenage readers and above.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Elmore Hammes has written several novels which may be found on online book sites and ordered through most retail bookstores. His short stories have appeared in various online and print publications, including The First Line, Espresso Fiction and St. Anthony Messenger. He is an avid reader, enjoys golf and sand volleyball, and participates in Mainstage Community Theatre productions.

Product Details

  • File Size: 550 KB
  • Print Length: 148 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1449554091
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Kanapolis Fog Publishing Emporium (October 23, 2009)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B002U0M5QU
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,134,943 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Cockroaches, Aliens and Bunnies, Oh My. February 27, 2010
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
When Henry watches news of a coup in the small territory of Jartanzia and sees (what could be) the picture of a hedgehog, he knows the end is near. He dispassionately murders his mother and takes off for a secret rendezvous. After all, when the world as we know it is in ruins, she'll be dead anyway, because when the dust settles only members of the Underground Hedgehog Revolution Network will survive. Via their website, Henry--a member for 15 years--has been providing information to the Grand Hedgehog. He's pretty sure he'll get a Captaincy, or even governorship of one of the new states.

So begins Elmore Hammes' Not Fit For Human Consumption, with a cast of fully-fleshed-out characters, each with their own story and personal agenda, in some way involved in the fate of life as we know it on good old planet Earth.

We meet Henry again as he flies to his destination and follow his obsession with a beautiful fellow passenger as he becomes convinced she is his soul-mate. I enjoyed Henry's imagination as he endows her with glowing attributes and schemes to meet her. Unbelievably, his plan actually works, and I waited for him to tell her about the Hedgehog Network and ruin his chances. But that conclusion would be obvious, and Hammes does not do "obvious."

Hammes calls his book a comedic farce, and it is indeed funny; but farce is often associated with the superficial, while the human characters engage you and have depth. I can't say the non-humans have quite the same depth, but it's a close thing. They have history and personality, which makes them real, and not as far down the food chain as we like to think.

Mr. Jamison is a dedicated teacher of 25 years, musing on his life past and present and trying to figure out what motivates his students.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fun read! March 23, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Of all the books I've ever read on the kindle, this is definitely one of them! I recommend it!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
A very fun read. Silly. It doesn't leave much hope for our world as we know it, but the hope lies in the story being so farcical, can't take it seriously. It was refreshing to read a Kindle book that was well-written, well-editted.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars strange book March 20, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
okay. this is the ultimate. everyone dies! but it is how they die that is what this book is about. very nice read
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More About the Author

Elmore Hammes is primarily a writer of fiction. His short stories have appeared in publications ranging from obscure e-zines to nationally distributed magazines. His writing is as eclectic as his reading habits, including young adult fantasy, science fiction, contemporary literature, humor and superhero stories.

He participates in Mainstage Community Theatre in Anderson, Indiana. His favorite roles would include Jonathan Brewster in Arsenic and Old Lace, Professor Marvel in the Wizard of Oz and Uncle Barnaby in Babes in Toyland.

Twice a year, he goes on mission trips with St. Patrick's Church of Oxford, Indiana to help build homes in Mexico.

He shares his home with two cats, Chuck and Snuggles, although Snuggles does not acknowledge Chuck's existence. He volunteers for the Animal Protection League in central Indiana, and is currently fostering Holly, who was unhappy with being caged at the shelter. If she decides to play nice with the current residents, she may just stay!


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