Customer Reviews

Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival

5 star:		(45)
4 star:		(24)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Going into this book I wasn't sure what to expect. I've known Carmina for a few years and only recently learned of her tragedy. This book, though, is beautifully written and yet so sad it actually drove me to tears. To know that this courageous and beautiful young woman has gone through such horrific events in her life is unimaginable. You may not know the story, but by the end of this book you will feel like you know the author. Your heart will sink for this young woman, who has been through more in the last 20 years than 90% of us will face in a life time. I highly recommend this book to everyone out there, if you have a heart they you simply must read this. For those who have faced tragedy this book may very well give you hope, a hope that you too can remain strong when everything seems to be at odds with you. I hope everyone gives this book a chance. Yes it is a tragedy but it is also a reminder to never take life for granted because you never know what hand fate will deal you.

To Carmina, dear although I've known you for a few years now my heart goes out to you. I hope you know that you are always loved and will always be like a sister to me.

It took me only one day to read this book. It is story about love, family, murder, abandonment, and about a three-year old child who is now in her twenties,and has survived it all.
Carmina writes with pure honesty about what she has had to endure in her young life-time. I want to say that this story in about forgiveness, but right now,after just finishing the book, I honestly cannot do that.Perhaps in time I will--but not now. For people who have had a hard childhood and feel lonely, read this and you will know that you are not alone. This book is wonderful because there is a surviver and there is hope! If you are strong and havelove in your heart like Carmina, then you will survive.

This book caught my eye the moment I saw it. I bought it and sat up half the night reading it. I had finished it in 24 hours and have been thinking about it ever since. I actually plan to re-read it soon. The things that happened in this carefully told true story are horrifying and unforgettable, but it is told in a way that is careful, sensitive, thoughtful, and compassionate. You can't help but be caught up in the story or caring deeply for the little girl who survived, or proud of the strong, beautiful young woman who emerged from this darkness.

I have lived here in Sonoma county for over 30 yrs and remember when all this happened. I always wondered what happened to Carmina. Such a sad story. I hope she does well for the rest of her life and has a happy life.

I remember this crime so vividly, as I was living in the area at the time and had a four-year-old and a two-year-old daughter, which made the details of the murders all the more horrific. How could a father do such a thing? Of course, fathers have killed their children before and will continue to do so, but to slit their throats and throw them into a garbage dump, even kicking little Carmina in the head? It is outrageous and truly the act of a psychopath. Carmina Salcido tells the story of her life beautifully and gracefully. The book is a marvel that I read in one day, not being able to put it down. What a lovely young lady she has become. Those of us who knew she survived her ordeal have always wondered what happened to her. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought she was not raised by extended family. She has been victimized several times, but it seems that her strength has carried her through and it will continue to do so. I loved this book. I only have very one small quibble: David Carpenter, the Trailside Killer, committed his crimes in Marin County's Mt. Tamalpais State Park, overlooking San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge, and not in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, as the book states.

I have always enjoyed true crime accounts, and was happy when I got a chance to read and review this book. "Not lost forever" is the story of Carmina Salcido. Carmina is the sole survivor of a massacre that killed three adults and four children. The adults and children that were killed included her two sisters, her Mother, her two aunts, and her Grandmother. Who is the sadistic killer of these people? Carmina's own Father, Ramon Salcido.

Carmina's tale, however does not end there, nor does it get better for a long while. Carmina's Grandfather, the only immediate family member left who is not killed, chooses not to adopt Carmina. She is instead adopted by a fundamental Catholic family, is isolated, and homeschooled inappropriately (she did not read until age 7, and her schooling basically ended at age 13). A trust fund that was set up for Carmina of 150,000 was stolen by her adoptive family. She was not allowed to date, have friends outside of their fundamental catholic faith, or watch current television or listen to current music. Her clothing was homemade by her adopted Mother, and was very conservative. She was also abused physically and emotionally by her adoptive Mother.

She joined a convent, because that is what members of her fundamental Catholic faith were encouraged to do. A series of terrible health and psychological problems then began, and she was asked to leave the convent after a while. The sister of her old Priest in her old community asked her to attend a troubled girls reform ranch, and she did this, only to be psychologically and physically abused more (in terms of overwork and punishments). She leaves this environment, to be reunited with her Grandfather. Unfortunately, this does not work out either, and she is forced to live on her own, going from friend's house to friend's house, and even living out of her car for a while. She also recontacts her Father in prison, with upsetting and unencouraging results.

Carmina discusses the problems she has faced in her life with dignity, and no sense of labeling herself a "victim." She admits there have been no easy choices in her life, and she is still struggling to determine what she wants to do and become. Salcido writes about her attempts at forgiveness, and her struggle with her Catholic faith. The end of this book does not provide happiness for the reader or for Carmina, we simply do not know what will become of her.

This book was hard for me to read because of the number of injustices that happen to Carmina. All of the men in her life have been horrible to her-her Father tries to kill her, her Grandfather gives her up for adoption-with the exception of the police officer Mike Brown who tracked down and captured her Father, and always took an interest in Carmina. Carmina Salcido is someone I pray for now in my daily life. It is a good book, and reading it is an unforgetable experience.

This book is horrific, tragic, inspiring and wonderful all at the same time. Her bluntness is refreshing and fascinating. Her tone when she describes the day that her Dad attempts to murder her is insane in a way that makes you want to know her. She is fascinating and lovable as an author. I don't think most people would survive the life that she had without being broken and she is so far from broken. Some spirits just aren't breakable.

I could not put this book down. I read the first 150 pages without taking a break I could hardly take breaks to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. It takes a phenomenal human being to be on the other end of what she's been through and to be able to articulate and write this book the way she did is truly amazing. I cannot put into words how much you have to read this book. It will change your life. Carmina Salcido will make you believe that there is a God--that is the only way. I remember the day this happened. My school was one of those on "lock-down" while she waited in that field all alone.. Her story is beyond inspiring, beyond hope, beyond all words. I am so glad that she is speaking. I am so glad that she is sharing with all of us what really happened that day. So many of us had wondered all this time and she gives us a piece of the picture. Thank you Carmina. All the best to you and your life. I wish you only happiness from now on.

I am torn as to how to rate this book. It was a fast read and compelling to finishing to find out what happened. The writing, however, was not great. The ending leaves a lot just undone (which reflects where the author, Carmina, is in her life rather than that the story was just dropped).

I am so proud of Carmina for continuing to put one foot in front of the other, for continuing to work on herself and claiming her power. For Carmina--I would give her a 5 out of 5.

This is why I'm conflicted my review of the book is no way a reflection of what i feel for the author and the courage and strength I see in her. And, I am so proud of her for continuing to grow and heal and to create a support system when everything seemed stack against her.

And if i just consider the book--the writing style, the goal for the reader (the goal for the writing is great--to give her a platform for her story)--but what is the purpose for the reader? Unless the reader had known about the story and has been interested/curious all of these years. Yes, it is a story of empowering yourself--but there are many stories out there like that where the examples of people claiming their power are so much stronger---and please understand, i'm not knocking this author. I imagine that as she grows more into her own she will probably have an extremely powerful story when she is maybe in her 40's or so. Right now, she is still struggling with it all herself---which is right where she should be. I am proud of her. She is doing well. I don't want anyone to think I am putting her down.

The reader just needs to keep in mind that this is an incomplete story, that the author has just begun her healing journey, and that this is more of a story about what happened and how it effected many people. If that feels satisfying to a reader--then they will probably enjoy this book just fine. That type of scenario isn't very satisfying to me, which is why I give it a 3. I look forward to the day when this author is able to write the rest of the story--the story of how she has triumphantly overcome, how she did it, and what her struggles were along the way--I would definitely want to read that story.

If you are curious about this book/story, go ahead and read it. Although the events are horrific and it is sad how Carmina grew up--it is told in a way that can be read by most people.

And Carmina, if you read these reviews, I want to say how proud I am that you have such a good inner guidance system and are following it. Sure, there are times in everyone's life where we get a little off track. AND, you have done a great job of getting back on track after finding yourself in situations you don't like. You are a remarkable woman and you will go far in life. Your ability to tune into yourself and follow your guidance is a gift that most people struggle for quite a while to find even when they have good circumstances and good role models.

My heart broke thru every word, every chapter of this book. I felt overwhelmed and flattened reading about the brutality caused by one person -- seven lives lost -- one life set adrift.

Yet Carmina, who lived through all of this, speaks for the victims, speaks for the love she still has for them, and even the forgiveness she has towards her father (albeit a wary forgiveness based on the reality of the situation).

We marvel at the miracle of Carmina's survival, the miracle of her being found at the dump by someone who just decided to walk around aimlessly, the miracle of her survival on the operating table -- the profound impression she made on all present there at the scene of her rescue, the police department, the hospital personnel -- and one realizes that this is the kind of memory that will span generations.

And reading further of the abuse heaped on her by her adoptive parents the Swindells, who misused her inheritance, belittled her and kept her away from the one person who loved her dearly and who was also overwhelmed by this tragedy -- her loving grandfather -- made me realize that Carmina is a Rock, a true survivor and someone who blazes her own path to her own self-fulfillment in life. And Carmina's faith never dwindles -- "I felt I understood something of what Christ had gone through. I too, had nearly died, but I continued to live."

The photos are beautiful -- full color, full of smiling faces - even in spite of the abuse that was going on in the family before the tragic murders. That photo of Carmina receiving her Fist Communion made me cry inside -- look at the dark circles under her eyes -- look at that sad little face -- this is supposed to be a joyous day. Then look at the other two photos to the left -- Carmina and her uncles, Carmina and her grandfather, and you are looking at a cherub of Carmina with a big smile on her face.

"In search of" her freedom, she leaves the Swindell's and enters a convent, and deals with major depression, ultimately being released from convent life -- and Carmina's ordeal continues at the ranch for girls -- where jailhouse conditions prevailed, with little sympathy or understanding of these girls -- not enough food for the heavy manual labor they performed, and, "we fed the animals, although only level fours were allowed to pet them" -- what a terrible way to stifle a human soul!!!

Carmina is now 23, and I hope the rest of her life deals gently with her. God bless her -- may her path be filled with sunshine -- and yes I am sure the souls of her mother, sisters, aunts and grandmother are and will continue to be smiling on her with the tenderest of love as she makes her way through life -- may it be a good life.

I happen to live in Petaluma, the site of the dump in which three-year-old Carmina's throat was slit by her father, Ramon. His massacre (after a cocaine-and-booze-fueled binge earlier that early morning) of her mother, grandmother, two sisters, two pre-teen aunts, and her father's coworker--and his attempted murder of two other innocents--was front-page news for weeks in the local and not-so-local press. Ramon fled to his native Mexico immediately during which time we locals held our breath, fearing that he would not be extradited, but he confessed and was flown back to a guilty verdict and death sentence at San Quentin, also nearby.

But what about Carmina, we all wondered? The only child to survive his butchery, we always wondered about her and hoped for the best. But her maternal grandfather, himself reeling from the loss of his entire family, could not care for this hard-headed toddler. Committed to a Catholic fundamentalist cult, he turned her over to the care of a Midwestern couple who abused her and spent on themselves the trust fund raised in her name (which they changed). To escape them, she joined a Carmelite convent where she took a vow of silence, but that social isolation only made her post-traumatic symptoms worse, to the point where she required psychiatric hospitalization. Then the convent wouldn't accept her back and she passed onto a ranch for troubled girls and then an abusive boyfriend, etc. Her trauma just kept gathering momentum, and she admits to seeing dark spirits out of the corner of her eye . . .

But there are really two books in this volume, quite different in presentation. The first segment is a recitation of what happened, with some personal recall involved but not a lot. Given the horrific nature of what Carmina is describing, her impassionate tone is a bit disconcerting. Being a local clinical psychologist, I had the occasion to review police video footage from each of the crime scenes. What I saw, according to the friend who picked me up for lunch afterward, "left me green." But Carmina announces early on that she has forgiven her father, and she hopes that this will be the case as time goes on. Yet when she describes her own experience from adoption onward, Carmina claims her own eloquent voice.

Ultimately her father mouths words of apology that do not seem sincere to her and she sees him playing the victim's role, as if the loss of his family had fallen on him from out of the blue. This strong and brave woman keeps visiting him in prison, until she is sure that he has no relief to offer her. (Nor does she want to be a sympathetic pawn in his appeals' process.) So she launches herself newly adrift into the unknown, for the umpteenth time, and she has us all wishing her the best. She is still a young woman at age 23, and we all continue to wish her a happier outcome than her history might predict.