(Not That You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions [Paperback]

Steve Almond (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 8, 2008

In (Not that You Asked), Steve Almond documents a life spent brawling with the idiot kings of modern culture. He squares off against Sean Hannity on national TV, takes on Oprah Winfrey, nearly gets kidnapped by a reality TV crew, and winds up in Boston, where he quickly enrages the entire population of Red Sox Nation. Amid the carnage, he finds time to celebrate his literary hero, the late Kurt Vonnegut. These are essays the Los Angeles Times has called “rich, fearless [and] cutting.”

Praise for (Not that You Asked)

“Refreshingly irreverent . . . absurdly funny.”
–The Boston Globe

“[Almond] scores big in every chapter of this must-have collection. Biting humor, honesty, smarts and heart: Vonnegut himself would have been proud.”
–Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Taunting, revealing, irreverent, and earnest.”
–The New York Times

“Steve Almond has created a distinctive voice and literary persona. Pleasure-obsessed, self-deprecating, horny, hilarious and always dedicated to parsing the messy terrain of the human heart.”
–Forward.com

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

(Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions is an Amazon Significant Seven selection for October 2007

An Exclusive Essay from Author Steve Almond

Steve Almond is obsessed. He first offered the world a peek into his fixations in My Life in Heavy Metal, a collection of short stories throbbing with hookups, drunken kisses, failed passes, souring relationships, and, naturally, heavy metal. But Almond forever chewed the hard chocolate shell from his creamy inner obsessive with 2004's Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America--a sort of On the Road for the sugar set, documenting an epic journey through America's confectionary highways and backroads. Almond is back with (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions, a collection of autobiographical pieces covering topics as diverse as Oprah Winfrey, Kurt Vonnegut, sexual failure, and the many varieties of shame. We asked Almond just what it is about obsession that drives his work, as well is its intrinsic value in all art--low and high. --Jon Foro

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The Obsession Engine
Why House of Rock with Bret Michaels could be your next novel. Or not.

By Steve Almond

A close friend of mine – who may or may not be my wife – recently fell in love with the VH-1 reality series House of Rock. For those of you who are not hip to its charms, HoR stars Bret Michaels, the former lead singer of Poison, and a gaggle of women vying to become his soul mate. I hope you will not be shocked to learn that several of these potential soul mates are strippers. Nor do all of them appear to be virgins.

My friend insists that her interest in the program is purely anthropological. But I happen to know that she spent a good portion of her adolescence listening to Eighties hair metal bands and dreaming about bedding dudes like Bret Michaels and even working, briefly, as a waitress in a topless bar. She comes by her obsession naturally, is my point.

The longer I read and write, the more I come to view obsession as the essential engine of literature. I am not suggesting that my wife, er, friend should write a novel about House of Rock. (The series is, by her own description, a kind of pulp novel already--histrionic, predictable, crushingly squalid.) What I’m suggesting is that her allegiance to the program identifies essential fears and desires within her, ones which embarrass her quite robustly and therefore belong in the novel she hopes to write.

To take this a step further: I’m not interested in writing that isn’t obsessive. Who is? We’re all drama queens in the end. We all come to stories with two basic questions: Who do I care about? And What do they care about? As long as our hero, or heroine, cares deeply about something (i.e. is obsessed), and as long as they’re willing to tell us their own twisted version of the truth, we’ll come along for the ride.

Don’t believe me? Let me call to the stand my star witness, Humbert Humbert. Read more...

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--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

This collection of essays on everything from Oprah's Book Club to the joy of being a new father displays all the qualities that have made Almond's short stories (The Evil B.B. Chow) and nonfiction (Candyfreak) entertaining. The wicked humor of Dear Oprah features an in-your-face attack on the Savior of Publishing and her book club, followed by equally obsequious apologies, including a gift of trust to her of his baby daughter. A section titled About My Sexual Failure (Not That You Asked) offers brutally honest dissections of his sexual obsessions as well as those of past girlfriends, including chest waxing, fake breasts and masturbating in the family pool. Demagogue Days is a hilarious look at Almond's experience with Fox News that displays an abiding disgust at current arbiters of cultural and political life in America as well as an enduring empathy for the underdog. But best of all is a beautiful and angry essay on The Failed Prophecy of Kurt Vonnegut (and How It Saved My Life), a look at Vonnegut's career-long concern over whether mankind would survive its own despicable conduct that serves as a summation of Almond's personal and literary ethos. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks; Reprint edition (July 8, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0812977599
• ISBN-13: 978-0812977592
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #501,343 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Five Reviewers Give Five Stars, September 19, 2007

By 

Voice of Chunk (NY) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions (Hardcover)

Here's how much I enjoyed "(Not That You Asked)":

The publisher sent me a free advance softcover proof last month, and I still bought a new hardcover the day it was officially released. If you knew how frugal (read: cheap) I am, you'd understand how remarkable this is.

Why shell out my hard-earned for a book I've already read and gotten for free? Because I wanted to send Random House the message that Steve Almond is a huge talent, the real deal, and they better keep publishing him.

So "enjoyed" is kind of a weak verb.

I love this book, is what I'm saying.

I love that Almond takes aim at the easy targets -- Oprah, Fox News, Condi, Reality TV -- in fresh, hilarious ways, but places himself in the crosshairs more than anyone. I love that his long fanboy tribute to Kurt Vonnegut, "Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt," nails exactly why *I've* "crush[ed] on Kurt Vonnegut" for more than half of my life.

I love that no matter what subject he's tackling -- fake breasts, masturbation, unplanned fatherhood, body waxing, blog wars -- Almond surprises and delights and makes me think while I'm laughing and laugh while I'm thinking.

Clearly I've lost all objectivity with this book. Let me at least attempt to inject a little balance by enlisting the help of four friends. The quotations below are from people I either loaned the book to or bought the book for. None of them actually know I'm quoting them on Amazon, but I don't think they'll mind (not that I asked).

Here are their actual reactions:

Martha (via e-mail, two days after I loaned her my advance copy): "Steve Almond is my new favorite author. Loved it. Love LOVE LOVE LOVED it. Can't wait to buy a copy. Wonderful recommendation. He's funny and poignant and kickass. I want to be his best friend."

John (via e-mail): "Thank you for the book. I've already started reading it and it is laugh-out-loud funny. I'm definitely going to his reading when he comes to Fresno."

Chuck! (via e-mail): "Just wanted to let you know I received your kind gift of Steve Almond's book. How exciting! I read the first chapter on Oprah almost immediately and I'm still laughing about it. Can't wait to read more tonight when I get home!"

Karen (sitting next to me on the couch): "This is the best book I've read all year. I can't put it down. I have a stack of papers to grade by tomorrow, but I can't stop reading. I have to assign this book to all of my lit and creative writing students. It will change everything."

See? It's not just me.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Almond knocks another one out of the park, September 18, 2007

By 

Brett J. Minkin (Sacramento, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions (Hardcover)

Not That You Asked is the third book I've read by Steve Almond, and I would have to say that so far, this is my favorite. As with all of Almond's previous work, Not That You Asked has the all of the sharp wit, cutting insight,irreverance,sex,laugh-out-loud humor and great storytelling that Almond's fans would expect, but this book delivers more... it delivers HIM! The book offers a naked, unflinching, honest, and truely human view into Almond himself. Especially funny and touching are the stories of his childhood and adolecence, which are full of all of all of the secret, awkward insecurities, fears, and humiliations that most of us experienced at that age (as well as a few I'm glad that I didnt), but never discussed with anyone. Instead of hiding them, Almond lays them out for all to see. We watch as Almond progresses from being a teenager full of secret doubts, fears, and neurosies, to becoming an adult full of secret doubts, fears, and neurosies...just like most of us. It is brutally human and real, and at the same time, VERY funny.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Almond Joy (Ouch, that's a bad pun...and I bet I'm not the first to use it, either), May 18, 2008

By 

Scott Sherman "Scott Sherman, Lambda Literary... (Maryland, USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: (Not that You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions (Kindle Edition)

In some ways, this book seems a little dated and jaded - Almond takes on some easy targets - the Bush Administration, the shallowness of most bloggers, his own often-ridiculous sex life (join the club!), celebrity culture, reality TV - these are just a few.

But there are four elements that, for me, elevate this work beyond the familiarity of some of the topics it covers:

1) Almond is a terrific writer: His prose is snappy and spot-on. He finds the perfect words to describe things you might too have observed but never could have put so artfully. He's often very funny, but always in a smart and honorable way - he deserves the laughs he gets.

2) Almond has a great eye: He lives in the same world we do, but he's somehow removed himself enough that he sees it much more clearly than most of us ever could. What's wonderful and generous is that he shares that view with you.

3) Almond has had some really interesting things happen to him: Yeah, a lot of people have complained about reality television, but how many were actually the subject of an episode of a reality show? Almond was, and the experiences and insights he shares will make it impossible for you to ever watch an episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" in the same way again (of course, it's devoutly to be wished that you're not watching that show at all, but you get the point). Likewise, many have complained about the Bush Administration, but how many left good jobs to protest its actions, and subsequently were attacked on conservative talk shows for doing so? Almond has, and his story is both hilarious and deeply frightening. In some way, I enjoy his essays in the same way I'd enjoy the story of a mountain climber - I'm not schlepping up that hill, but it's deeply fascinating to read about someone who did.

4) Almond has a big heart and strong moral vision: While Almond can be snarky and sarcastic, he's not doing it for the cheap laugh or because he has nothing better to offer. Almond really cares about this planet and the people who live on it. He wants us to be better: fairer, kinder, more loving and more respectful of the interconnectedness of all living beings. What outrages him most is cruelty, selfishness and the squandering of the great gifts we've been given and should share. That's the deeper message of this book, and Almond communicates it in beautiful language without ever sounding preachy or superior.

So, five stars for Mr. Almond and this enjoyable and enlightening book of essays.

Scott Sherman, author, First You Fall: A Kevin Connor Mystery