Customer Reviews

Not Without My Daughter

5 star:		(84)
4 star:		(26)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(37)

 

 

To all of you people who have called this movie ridiculous...You live it and then tell us how ridiculous it is. Not only did I go through this with my mother when I was a child, but I unfortunately returned to live in the Middle East 15 years after she got me out and my father, again, tried to keep me there against my will. I have lived in a world you will hopefully never have to live in. So, please don't ever say it's not 'real'.

Based on Betty Mahmoody's account of her 18 months in Iran, this is a gripping, emotional roller coaster of a film that kept me riveted to the screen for all of its 115 minutes.
Though fearful, Betty agreed to go for a two-week visit to Iran with her husband Moody and daughter Mahtob, only to find at the end of the two weeks that her husband was fired from his job in the US, and he has no intention of leaving Iran. Moody's family are primitive village people, very extreme in their views, and Moody, at first to "save face", and then perhaps degenerating into the man he was before being "Americanized", inceasingly controls Betty with force and humiliation, all within the Ayatollah Khomeni's insane and rigorous Islamic state of 1984.

Her struggle to get out of Iran with her daughter is what this film is about (it would have been easy to leave alone), and there are many brave Iranians who risk their lives to help her. The claim that this film is racist is irrational, doesn't take these heroic people into consideration, and is an example of the narrow-minded intolerance shown in this film, a mindset that led to 9/11.
Though made in 1990, this is a very timely film to watch, and relates to the problem of abuse in every culture. I don't understand why it has slipped under the radar screen and is not more widely known. The acting is excellent by the entire cast, and the direction by Brian Gilbert is tight and feels like a top-notch thriller at times, with Jerry Goldsmith's terrific score and Peter Hannan's wonderful cinematography, shot on location in Israel, which is fantastic in the last portion of the film.
Sally Field and Alfred Molina give the performance of their lives, in what is much more than a "woman's film"; this is a film about humanity and extraordinary courage, and should have a much wider audience than it has had.

Strangely enough, this was one of those movies I thought was "ho-hum, boring, a chick-flick" at the time it was released back in 1990. Seeing it later made me change my mind. It is the engaging true story of a woman who suffers abuse at the hands of her husband, but who is ultimately a survivor and even a warrior. Man, do you end up cheering for her. The added dimension is that the abuse she suffers is condoned by the country and political-religious system in which she was living at the time - Shi'ite Iran.
I believe this is a very true depiction of life for a woman in fundamentalist Muslim cultures, especially a western woman who is not used to submitting to oppressive cultural and marital demands. Wearing a burqa was the least of Betty Mahmoody's troubles - her husband, who initially appeared tolerant and even westernized while he was living in America, changes into a control freak when he returns to Iran with his wife and young daughter. I felt some sympathy for the husband due to the fact he appears initially reluctant to dominate Betty in the way his family and culture expects, but he was either fooling us all along, or he was very weak-minded and completely unfaithful to his vows to love and honor his wife by treating Betty so viciously.
Betty is at first incredulous about her husband's expectations, but when he starts beating her she learns to be docile while planning an escape for her and her daughter. It was amazing to see in the family situations how Iranian women are so indoctrinated by their culture that they too become oppressors, of other women and anyone who is not being Islamic enough.
Fortunately there are other heroes in this story besides Betty - Iranian dissidents who help her plan and execute an escape, at great risk to their own lives.

"Not Without My Daughter" is the true-life story of American Betty Mahmoody (Sally Field) who married an Iranian man who had moved the US. Together they had a daughter, Mahtob. The three pay a visit to the husband's native Iran, only to learn that it is not in fact a visit but that they are there to stay, and under Iranian law Betty automatically became an Iranian citizen once she married an Iranian man, and as a woman she does not have many of the rights she is accustomed to in the USA. Betty is trapped in a world she does not understand, and she wants to return to her home. She is told that she may return to the US, but must leave the daughter in Iran. She resolves that she will return but ... not without her daughter.

I found "Not Without My Daughter" to be a gripping story because I could relate to what it is like to be in foreign lands and feel at the mercy of those around you, to be in a situation where not only do you not speak the language but the culture itself is alien. One realizes that "reality" is highly subjective. Also, a friend of mine lived through a very similar incident, albeit in the same country (luckily, my friend's father returned her to her mother in the USA). So, I myself cannot accuse this movie of being unrealistic or biased when I know that such incidents do occur. And I must add that "Not Without My Daughter" makes no secret of the fact that while it was Iranians who tried to prevent Betty Mahmoody from leaving Iran with her daughter, the people who aided Betty in doing so were also Iranian - and they are depicted as doing so at great personal risk and with no certainty of payment or personal benefit whatsoever. In fact, I found this to be the most moving aspect of the movie.

Andrew Parodi

A true story about a woman who marries an Iranian, has a child with him, and "visits" his family in Iran. To her horror, her husband tells her he intends to stay in Iran with both his wife and daughter. Watching her husband transform from a caring husband into a fanatic, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him too. He bacomes so influenced by the matriarch, whose mentality towards Betty's being forced to stay in Iran, is "If it was good enough for me, it is good enough for other women" that he became a victim of this woman as well. The man does show love for his wife by moving in with friends and away from this matriarch's influence but the problems do not end there. Betty is subjected to beatings at her husband's hands. Through this evil, a positive side of Iranians is shown. Many Iranians help her and her daughter escape her husband and take her home to America. The most moving part in the movie is when a nomad who is taking Betty and her daughter to Turkey, takes Betty's jewelry and pass port and then returns her belongs to her when she is no longer in his care. He has done a wonderful thing for Betty and has asked for nothing in return.
The best lesson this movie has to offer an audience is that by viewing the negative side of humanity, in any culture or country, we also see a positive side.

I have read numerous reviews about how this is not really how Iran is. Let's remember that Betty's experience was 1984-1986 which could in fact be quite different from the Iran of today. I'm sure Betty's depiction in the mid-80s was quite realistic. How many of you knew what the Taliban was really doing to women before 9/11? I noticed a lot of your reviews were written pre-9/11. I have tracked the Taliban through articles for the past 3.5 years and wish the US had gotten rid of that regime long ago. It took 9/11 to do that. I think after seeing what the Taliban did to women, we should not say the movie necessarily exaggerated situations.

I just finished reading the book last night. I could not put the book down! Now tonight, I will go rent the movie. I've seen a lot of comments that the movie was "one-sided", "patriotic" and biased. If you take the emotions out of it (how Betty so described the slovenly family and the movie may have exaggerated this), let's just look at the way of life and law in Iran when Betty was there. Women were not free to wear what they wanted as it is in most Islamic countries. At schools, children chanted every morning "Death to America." We do NOT do such chanting in America nor did we do it in the 1980s. I know the US is not a perfect country but I'm sure if you polled 100 people around this great world, would not all of them prefer to live in the US instead of Iran - even today?

If you read the book, it is not so one-sided. She tells how Moody was very American when they lived in Michigan and how he reverted back to a very Iranian way. Even so, there were "red flags" when they were in the U.S. such as Moody's disappointment when Mathob is born and is a girl, not wanting to put Betty's name on the checking account, etc. Moody's was very depressed about his career state in Iran. He wanted to work and finally got a job at the hospital but they didn't pay him for the longest. I could understand the depression of a man who feels he can't support his family. Moody could not go back to the U.S. either because his greencard had expired and we all know Betty was going to go for instant divorce upon return to the U.S. So we can see how "trapped" Moody felt as well - ironically, they were both "trapped" in Iran and this is how Betty described it. If you read the book, it is not so one-sided. Still, a person's bad lot in life or depression give him or her NO right to commit domestic abuse and to enact laws that basically enslave 50% of your population. I will see the movie tonight and can't wait to see it!

I don't think anyone refused to "get it". I think it depends on where you are coming from. Those who know the area and the majority of people in the Iranian culture probably understand that the movie wasn't even filmed in the area and so it seemed false and silly to them. Others seemed to view it as a woman who was divorced a couple of time telling a story of her reasons for the second divorce. Still others saw it for Ms. Mamoody's dilema in finding that if she divorced her husband in Iran that the children are usually given custody to the father, unlike the US where they are usually awarded to the mother. Just a cultural difference. BUT to Ms. Mahmmody, who was raised in a little town in the US, she expected and wanted the child. Naturally she wanted her daughter and would have gone to whatever ends she had to in order to see that happen. Most mothers I know are the same way. They don't leave their children. I was stranded decades ago with my two young children in a foreign country too, and I can tell you I didn't let them out of my sight and NO ONE was going to take them away from me! So well, maybe I am just a bit more sympathetic than some. In lieu of commenting about the views of other posters, it is their right to have their opinion so I will only conclude by commenting that I own the movie and I liked it. Nothing personal I assure you!

"Not Without My Daughter" is an enthralling movie that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Two-time Oscar-Winner, Sally Field plays suburban homemaker, Betty Mahmoody. Betty is the typical American woman: educated, intelligent and very determined. When her husband (Alfred Molina plays the corrupt, Moody) tricks her into going back to his homeland, the oppressive and desolate Iran, she validly has her trepidations.

Eventually, Betty agrees to go on a short trip to Iran with Moody and their young daughter because her husband was able to convince her that no harm would come to them. Keep in mind that this took place during the mid 80's; smack dab in the middle of the Iran-Iraq War and right after the harsh sanctions of the Iran Revolution.

Betty abruptly learns that they're no longer in Kansas when Moody's old-maid spinster-sister orders him to have her put on a chador (this is that very dismal looking cloak that Iranian women are forced to wear against their will because their society is terrified of anything that is remotely sexual.) Moody's sister, Ameh Bozorg, was played by the very talented Mony Rey. I think it was established during the beginning of the movie that Ameh Bozorg was only 58 (or maybe younger?) but she looked like she was 80 if she was a day. She played the miserable, prudish, Persian family matriarch to the letter. It was never established, but I think "Ameh" may have been a title bestowed to Moody's sister out of respect. In Arabic Umpto means paternal aunt and is sometimes used as a term of respect. Although, the Persian Language (Farsi) is very different.

Even though the customs are very different from what Betty is used to
(for example, everyone eats on the floor,) she's determined to try make the best of it. So, Betty puts on a happy face and dances; but it is apparent that she can't wait to leave. Frankly, who would want to stay in a place like this? Betty also notices some subtle changes to her husband during this time. First, he becomes more withdrawn from her. Then he starts snapping at her when she questions the ridiculous prayer rituals of this fundamentalist clan (they get up in the middle of the night to pray, of course the men are separated from the women.) Then Moody tells Betty that he was fired from his job (he was employed as a doctor in a suburban Detroit hospital) right before they left for Iran. This is likely a lie as there was no mention of this in the storyline to indicate that this really happened.

On the day everyone was supposed to go home Moody gives Betty the tragic news. They are not going back to MI. In fact, both Betty and her daughter must stay in Iran since they are now the legal "property" of her husband! This scene was especially thought-provoking. Imagine someone who you love very much was holding you in a third-world country against your will with your child. How would you react? Sally Field had such a determined and brave response. When Betty stood up to her husband he did what most Iranian men do to their wives when they are faced with adversity; he beat her in the face. What a coward.

Betty tries to get solace from Moody's family. This was a very bad decision. I don't know why she thought they would help her because Ameh Bozorg turned them all against her. Probably because Betty was a beautiful American woman that was free-spirited. Maybe desperate times call for desperate measures and Betty was hoping that someone would help her? When it's apparent that she is stuck in this dump she retreats and becomes very depressed. Even Moody, her wife-beater husband tries to cheer her up.

The only person that gave Betty the drive to press on was her daughter, Mahtob. Sheila Rosenthal performed the role of Mahtob with such talent and finesse. It's hard to believe that she was only 9 or 10 because she was so intelligent. Mahtob was such a sweet and kind-hearted little girl, wise beyond her years. When Moody started calling Betty "stupid" it was so cute to see her tell him that her mother wasn't stupid. So, for the sake of her daughter, Betty does regain her strength to try to find a way home.

Back in MI, Betty's mother contacts Betty with a glimmer of good news. When Betty hears her voice she breaks down in tears. Again, Sally Field was utterly perfect. I am always so amazed at how this actress can transform into a completely different person as she did in this movie. Betty's mother informed her that Iran doesn't have a US embassy (what a shocker!) so her only hope is to visit the Swiss embassy. All of a sudden Moody comes in to the kitchen (where Betty was, of course it goes without saying that this was the only phone in the house) and sees Betty talking on the phone. He is in enraged. Oh, did I forget to tell you? Besides being held against her will, Betty can't leave the house and can't use the phone. Moody pushes his hostage, oh I mean his wife away from the phone and warns her never to pick it up again.

Finally, Betty and Mahtob make the courageous escape to the Swiss embassy. This is such a bittersweet moment. Because one would think that they would be at least on their journey home. Right? Not so. Nicole Amjahmian (Sarah Badel) informs Betty that just because she wants to go home doesn't mean she can. And it doesn't mean they can help her physically get out of the country. Besides making phone calls and passing on messages Nicole's hands were tied. She also tells Betty that since she married an Iranian man she automatically became an Iranian citizen. Betty would have to go back to her husband; she had zero options.

When Betty arrives back at Ameh Bozorg's dilapidated hovel (where they're all still staying) Moody is seething in a rage. All of a sudden he comes out of nowhere and starts screaming: where were you. Suffices it to say, he starts beating her and pummeling her with slaps. Poor Betty couldn't fight back. She was like a cornered fly. She was totally defenseless. All she could do was fall to the ground in hysterical sobs.

After Mahtob's first birthday in Iran, Moody arrogantly enrolls Mahtob in school. Needless to say, because of her new surroundings Mahtob is terrified in her new school. No one speaks English and the customs and practices are beyond sublime (like her mother, Mahtob was also forced to keep her hair covered!) On her first day of school, Moody has to pick Mahtob up early because the poor thing would not stop crying; and who could blame her? (I'm sure most adults would be in shambles if they were forced to go to an Iranian school against their will; now picture how traumatic this would be to a small child!) So, Betty is asked to go with Mahtob the following day and stay in the building so her daughter would feel more comfortable.

As Betty was in the school there was a horrible explosion that caused complete pandemonium. All the students and teachers came running out of the classrooms in all different directions. Maybe they should have had a bomb shelter or at the very least some type of drill so everyone would have known what to do because this was a fairly common occurrence. When Moody came to pick up Betty she pleaded with him not to force Mahtob to go back to that school. Moody had the unmitigated gall to blame the explosion on the US. In fact, Moody was the type of man that liked to shift all the blame onto others for all of his problems. He blamed everyone but himself when he couldn't find a job. He blamed Americans for his own country's civil war. He blamed the US when Betty's family had his assets frozen. Alfred Molina played the part of this misogynistic monster exceptionally.

Months go by and Betty is still trapped against her will. Nothing has changed, though. Except maybe now Betty has started to get a little complacent. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. Because Moody isn't as rigid or tight-fisted with her. They finally move out of Ameh Bozorg's and in with Moody's brother and sister-in-law. Nasserine (played by Soudabeh Farrokhnia), Betty's sister-in-law, was the only member of her husband's family that showed her a little bit of courtesy and sympathy. And wasn't she absolutely beautiful? Of course, since Nasserine was a woman, she was absolutely powerless to intervene in any way. But it was still refreshing for Betty to see a kind face among all these other miserable and hateful sourpusses, namely Ameh Bozorg.

Betty finally meets a gentleman who may be able to help her. He specializes in smuggling hostages out of Iran. But now it becomes a race against time for Betty and Mahtob to get out of the country, alive. Because Moody wants to send Betty back to the US (without her daughter, of course) to unfreeze and liquidate all of their assets. But Betty refuses to leave without Mahtob. She is determined to bring both herself and her daughter home safely. If nothing else, Sally Field proved that a mother's love is never compromised.

Betty's last couple of days in Iran were very suspenseful because everything was so unexpected. Moody was called into work at the last minute which gave Betty a very small window of opportunity. You will root for Betty during her entire ordeal as she gets to her "safe house." I loved it when Betty called Moody to tell him she wasn't coming back (this was done to bide some time.) You can hear Sally's feisty voice, now it's Betty's turn to show her husand her rage. And after being his hostage for 18 months she rightfully had a lot of animosity. Of course Moody was furious that his wife would dare disobey him. He was totally livid but always indignant as he screamed to Betty through his family's antiquated (even for a third-world country) rotary phone: you're my wife, I don't have to explain anything to you.

As you know, eventually Betty and Mahtob do make it out of Iran safely. The movie does end in somewhat of an anti-climactic way. I believe it was more due to logistics. It ended with Betty seeing an American flag in Turkey, holding her daughter; both tired, and alone. Betty's book (which this movie was based on) was much more descriptive, so perhaps I was expecting a little more. I believe Betty has since said that because of the snow and the time of year the filming location had to be moved and certain aspects pertaining to the final scenes had to be rewritten for continuity. Nevertheless, it was still a first-rate film.

Why is this story so motivational and so incredibly uncommon?

Being taken to Iran and held against her will, like Betty was, is not unique, unfortunately. This happens every day to thousands of women and children. But what is unique is that Betty and Mahtob were able to get out safely.

In 1948 the United Nations General Assembly came up with a list of human rights which are (supposed) to be guaranteed for every single human being; all over the world, in every single country. This very basic list is called the "The Universal Declaration of Human Rights," and countries such as Iran have consistently chosen to ignore these basic human rights.

This is the first time a woman has ever escaped the harsh rule of Iran with her child, and lived to tell their story. Forget about the fact that women have no rights and are property (owned by their husbands, fathers or brother-in-laws) who cannot travel without explicit permission. The fact of the matter is that just making the pilgrimage from Iran to Turkey in the winter (as Betty and Mahtob did) can be very dangerous and even deadly. It was a miracle for something like this to happen.

For more than 15 years I have studied the Middle East. This entire region of the world has always been very captivating to me. Partly because I find the customs and the people to be very beautiful and fascinating. I have learned how terse and arbitrary this part of the world tends to be, though. And, I have learned that Iran is very different from any other country in the Middle East. Iran is one of the most repressive and harshest countries in the entire world. As I stated, women have zero rights. But it's not just women that are subjected to this torturous way of living. When the Iranian President recently told Columbia University that there are "no homosexuals in Iran" I had to laugh at his blatant homophobia, hatred and disregard to human life. What a sick and bigoted statement to make. This just goes to show the type of backwards system that makes up the Islamic Republic of Iran. All of the homosexual men and lesbian women living in Iran during this modern-day Holocaust have my deepest sympathy. I know that they are living through their own hell right this moment, at the hands of a nation that says they don't even exist!

If you enjoyed this movie, you would love Betty's book, Not Without My Daughter. You may also want to read, Out of Iran by Sousan Azadi. I also recommend picking up Betty's second book, For the Love of a Child. And if you're interested in books on the Middle East in general (not specifically Iran), I also recommend Sold: One Woman's True Account of Modern Slavery, Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia and Burned Alive: A Survivor of an "Honor Killing" Speaks Out.

In her book, Betty said that after she and her daughter first saw this movie they both cried. All the events of their capture came back to them since the movie was so true to life. The real Betty was in Israel (where the movie was filmed,) during the production of this movie. And the real Mahtob even has a small part as one of the children. "Not Without My Daughter" truly is Betty Mahmoody's sheroic story of escape!!

You'll have to laugh at the fact that this movie is precisely the type of thing Hollywood wouldn't make now for any amount of money. It wouldn't be any less true, of course, but it wouldn't be 'tolerant' to report these abuses that any educated person already knew about anyway.

Take a peek into a twisted culture that treats women little better than caged animals. Absolutely vile, inexcusable behavior no matter how hard some may try to spin it away. 'Tolerance' is not a burden on our part when human rights are being trampled on like this....the burden of tolerance is squarely on Middle Eastern culture and anyone who says otherwise is pushing an agenda that leads to accepting what this story shows. That this woman had to endure this and come back here and have some belittle this story as fabricated is indescribably cruel as well as knowingly false.

A brave woman who, by her own innocence, walked into a nest of ignorance and callousness and came out the other end to warn you.

I found this heart wrenching book and movie to be very good. Ms. Mahmoody's tale of her loving husband's decent into brutality and religious fanaticism is horrific, but the love, determination, and devotion to her only child lift this story high. Watching this movie and then reading the book did NOT make me think that all Iranians or Muslims are barbaric. There are good and bad in ALL peoples. I applaud Ms. Mahmoody for her courage and her willingness to share her story and try to help others.