Customer Reviews

Now That You Know: A Parents' Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children, Updated Edition

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This was a very important book in 1979 when it was first published, a book that I often recommended to gay/lesbian students who wanted to inform their parents. But the authors have been very lazy and have barely changed it in the 20 years since the first edition. I was disappointed in the second edition (1989) because it was virtually unchanged from the first edition except for an added chapter on AIDS and a minimally revised discussion of the PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) organization.

The third edition is even worse. Again the first 9 chapters appear to be untouched. Even the AIDS chapter remains unchanged except for a 1 page postscript about "recent" treatments. The chapter is now such a "downer" in the light of recent developments that it will hardly reassure parents worried about their gay sons. Why not rewrite the chapter optimistically, with a warning that the crisis is not over and that safer sex is still a requirement?

Less crucial but still disappointing is that the book is still quoting old Kinsey statistics on the incidence of homosexuality rather than using more reliable data from a recent national survey. The discussion of the nature of homosexuality is still based on sources over 30 years old. Nothing is said about recent data (and controversies) over the biological correlates of sexual orientation. Any parent who has read Time or Newsweek in the past 5 years would know more about these developments than they will find in this book.

Maybe the personal stories of parents will still resonate with some families, mainly those who haven't been exposed to the mass media for 20 years.

The most valuable part of the book may be the updated bibliography. But as long as you are already here at Amazon.com, why not just search here for "related" books? Or go to the pflag website for information, recommendations, and literature: www.pflag.org.

So disappointing. It was such an important book, sympathetically written, and perfectly pitched for its intended audience. Shame on the authors (and their publishers) for such laziness!

Upon the recommendation of others, I bought this book; however, many better choices exist for parents dealing with the new knowledge that they have a gay child. This book's information comes from the 70s. Even though the book has been republished twice, the authors have done an inadequate job of keeping up-to-date. I'm sure the book seemed heaven sent in the early 80s, but not now.

In my April, 1999 review of this book (somewhere among the reviews listed here), I said there were better books now available. Several people have e-mailed me asking me to be more specific.

OK. I now recommend the following to my students. They are both excellent and different from each other (as the titles imply):

Beyond Acceptance : Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences; Carolyn Welch Griffin, et al.

Coming Out to Parents : A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents; Mary V. Borhek

It's obvious that this book was useful back when it was originally written, in the 1970s. But with the changing issues involving gay and lesbian youths in the 1990s, a 1970s approach isn't applicable.

I bought this book as a guide to how to tell my parents. After reading the book for myself, I decided the book would do more harm than good, giving my parents a view about the gay lifestyle as one embodied in the 1970s, not the comfortable, main-stream life I lead today and believe most of my friends do also.

I heard a lot about this book and I thought it would help me deal with my coming out dilemma. but I guess its my parents who needs understanding and not me. So this book doesn't help at all in that area as my parents are not English-speaking or understanding.

I would like to know if there are some similar books that are available in Hindi for the Indian population.Or may be a translation version would be of great help.

I gave this book as a gift to a dear friend of mine who not too long ago found out her daughter is a lesbian. she has found it enlightening and I was glad that I can help her through this process.

Only the first chapter seemed to be useful. The book is very dated - all data seems to have been collected in the 70's, thus it's written from that era, even though it has been updated. Even though the book is very liberal and much of it doesn't seem to apply to todays young gay person, if you wade through the 'muck' there is still some useful info and I would still recommend it.

I just wanted to comment how the extremely poor star ratings here reflect a kind of selfish bigotry of readers. This 70's book couldn't really be updated because the authors are in a very late stage of life. It is so selfish and arrogant of these reviewers to expect the authors to update their book to meet the times. That would take an entire rewrite. Why give something helpful in another era such a bad rap? I just thought it poor taste, that if the book is apparently outdated, don't bother even reviewing it. It served a purpose for a different time period.



I was Ms. Fairchild's roommate in the late 90's and she appeared on the Leeza Show in 1999 to discuss her book and various issues. She was 65 back then and today's she's nearing her 80's. She has better things to do with her last days then rewrite a book. These old mothers aren't your slaves, try pulling your head out of you know where and show a little respect for your elders who opened doors for the gay community long ago.