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Now and Then: A Memoir of Vocation

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As a Christian who spends every day searching for a deeper faith and understanding it is somehow comforting and unbelievable to find that a man so brilliant shares my deepest, darkest feelings. Beuchner writes, in the most poetic way, of his journey through midlife/midcareer and all the doubts and fears that accompany those difficult years. Through his words, I've gained a better appreciation of the ministry, of writers and of myself. What a gift.

Frederick Buechner's "Now and Then" is, at its core, an engrossing story. It is the sequel to Buechner's first piece of autobiographical literature "The Sacred Journey."

"Now and Then" picks up where the prior volume left off--Buechner's entrance into Seminary. It follows his life up until the publication of "Godric."

Don't be fooled by the slimness of this volume. There are many lessons to be gleaned from Buechner's look back on his life. From the lessons of an extended youth in seminary, to the rigors of representing God in a semi-hostile environment, this is an education crammed into a few pages.

Yet the main message of this book is best expressed by Buechner himself. About two-thirds of the way through the book he says:

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

Get this book. See how one man's life shows forth something of this universal truth. I recommend it highly.

How do you tell the story of your life? How do you tell the story of your vocation? Where does one begin? Perhaps it begins in listening to the voice in the past, the stories of your past. Only by listening can one even begin to know what might, or might not, be the story of their life. Frederick Buechner wrestles with these questions, but does not disappoint in this short, powerfully meaningful narrative of life that was "Now & Then."

The New York Times has called Buechner one of the most remarkable commentators of religion in America. Yet for all the accolades and acclaim Buechner has received the impact of his work is told by the imprint his work has left upon thousands, even millions, of Americans. Reading Now & Then provokes the reader to ask about her own vocation. Religious leadership, especially, prods and pokes into questions about vocation. After all, if you're a religious leader, regardless of tradition, at some level you will be "speaking" for God. It's safe to assume that an understanding of vocation is an imperative.

Buechner leads us on a journey to three important places for his development: New York (Union Seminary); Exeter; and, Vermont. Buechner leads us more than "down memory lane" but deep into the hear of life-a life committed to the mysterious compassion of God. Buechner says,

"It is more than just memory, I think, that binds us to the past. The past is the place we view
the present form as much as the other way around, and nothing I heard Tillich say about
eternity was as eloquent as what was said by such times as those, where past, present, and
future are all caught up together in a single timelessness" (57-8).

Time, then, seems to speak to us not just in memory, but in forgetting. Forgotten are the feelings and emotions of the moment, which become supplanted by iridescent brightness of the future, tempered with the harshness of the present. Buechner cannot capture the past in any exactitude, but he can sense the past comprised of people, places, scents, and laughter. Buechner pokes the reader, in a gentle manner, tickling our own questions of vocation that have roots in the past. Why did we choose to do what we now do? Why?

Buechner's third and final chapter, "Vermont," captivated my eyes and mind most vividly. Maybe because this chapter is the closest in time to Buechner's writing the words seem more lively and images more captivating. Whatever the case may be, my notes on the book became increasingly numerous in the final 35 pages. There's something to be said for note taking when you read: they might tell you more about yourself than the book. But, I digress.

"Listen to your life," Buechner says, "See it for the fathomless mystery that it is" (87). Buechner has done this with his own life. In a world where mystery is something meant to be solved, leaving it unresolved gives us room for grace and breath. We may breathe the deep possibilities that await in the clearing, and perhaps fog, of mystery. In the face of mystery the challenge must be to continue living. Buechner, one more time, "...here and there even in our world, and now and then even in ourselves, we catch glimpses of a New Creation, which, fleeting as those glimpses are apt to be, give us hope both for this life and for whatever life may await us later on" (109).

How do you tell the story of a life? In "Now and Thens," "Then and Nows." They are the subjects of our lives, which, if we open our eyes, ears, hands, and lives will find the subject material vast and voluminous. "God will be present wit you. That if we really had our eyes open, we would see that all moments are key moments. That he who does not love remains in death" (108).

I found Frederick Buechner's Now & Then: A Memoir of Vocation at the local museum book sale. It was stowed under a table, in a cardboard box, underneath Bonhoeffer's Discipleship, which I eagerly snatched. Buechner sounded familiar; other than that, I'm not sure why I took his book, but I'm glad I did.

William Zinsser said that he could read anyone's story if it was written with "warmth and humanity." Now & Then certainly is. Buechner writes simply, yet beautifully. I had intended, one morning, to just look around in it and see what it was about, but then I couldn't stop.

Buechner briefly remembers three phases of his life, concentrating on the "key moments." There's nothing earth shattering: no scandal, no tragic death, no winning of an Olympic gold medal. There's no need; Buechner has a knack for seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. Something, he says, that we should all do:

"If we really had our eyes open, we would see that all moments are key moments."

Though the subtitle of the book mentions vocation, it is mostly about life and people. Whether writing about his seminary professors--Reinhold Niebuhr, Paul Tillich, James Muilenburg--or a homeless man whom he crossed paths with, Buechner writes with such warmth that we love his characters, just as he does.

Buechner calls his books "Too religious for secular readers...and too secular for religious ones." This is probably true of Now & Then. Those who are fussy about any deviation from orthodoxy will find, I'm sure, some points to fuss about. Buechner doesn't have all the answers, and he doesn't pretend to. But there are some things he is sure about, that he would "bet his life on." Among those, "That Jesus is the Word made flesh who dwells among us full of grace and truth."

We may not read Buechner for his theology, but, like C.S. Lewis, there are plenty of other reasons to read him. If I find more of his books, I will snatch them as eagerly as I did Bonhoeffer's.