Customer Reviews

Nukie [VHS]

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

I ordered this film because of the review on www.somethingawful.com. I thought it was so bad that it had to be seen to be believed. To my dissapointment it wasn't funny bad, it was just boring, tedious, groan-worthy bad. It is impossible to actually watch all the way through without succombing to the irrestitable urge to turn the TV off. It is also impossible to derive any enjoyment or satisfaction from this film apart from perhaps the footage taken from Africa. The grim reality of how bad this film is only sunk in the second time when I watched it with friends when I was actually paying a little bit more attention to the plot. It is full of contradictions, bad acting, talking animals, irrelivant scenes, irritating characters and one really frightning computer which is almost certain to induce a seizure amongst an epileptic viewer, (I'm serious, if you epileptic, dont watch this movie) and a lifelong phobia of computers in children.
It's amazing that the film is only 95 minutes long, because it really felt like twice that. Watching this film is like waiting for a bus, you are literally just sitting there waiting for it to end without deriving any enjoyment from it. And then when it ends you realise just how pointless that about 95% of whatever happened in the film really was, that is, after you recover from the most visually disgusting scene in the whole film at the end (I had to look away because it made me nausious. seriously)
The only plus side I would give it is the african scenery and the animals, this might be interesting for kids but I certainly wouldn't recommend they watch the film due to many bizarre and rather disturbing parts that thankfully I am old enough to not be upset by.

This movie includes a scientist who randomly decides he wants to be a clown, a talking monkey, and an angry nun. It also contains a fine example of an african tribal jury and instructions on how not to fly a helicopter (by example).

In other words, this movie is wonderful if you want to torture yourself and your fellow viewers. I recommend it only if you are able to selectively supress memories.

If you like bad movies you're in for a real treat with this one. I have seen and enjoyed some really bad films in my days (Slam Dunk Ernest, Bad Taste, Pokemon) but this is hands down the all time worst film ever made. EVER. Don't take my word for it - see it yourself! With a running time of just over infinity, a cast which includes a talking orangutan and a computer which urges an uptight scientist to "be a clown", and 2 aliens that would Fox Mulder want to give up his search for the truth, this movie will have you begging for mercy and praying that you will go blind before its over. Only for the bravest of souls.

In today's age of epic moviedom, it is great to see that some peons have not lost their sense of humour. Fats defies the norms of flaming homosexuality to uncover his true Argentinian self, who has been covered under layer after layer of unnecessary blue and white pride. What I especially like about Fats' character development is his consistent digression from comprehensible speech to "araararararaaarar". All in all, Nukie was a great movie. Only little girls truce. I triumph. See? They are both T words.

Everything from the strobe lighting to the knock-out gas was brilliant! Mr. Ice Cream Man doesn't know his movies. He is a three-legged donkey with one of those large party favors that make a high-pitched wheezing noise when blown through wedged up his donkey behind with a one-legged midget monkey riding commando on his back. This is indeed his horrible shame, one that he cries himself to sleep with every night. There, I said it. And I'm not talking about Nukie either. He's more like an autistic pirate monkey with a small seventh-grader in his belly. Let's have a moment of silence for those kind folks at SomethingAwful.com for introducing this movie into our lives. Truce, Mr. Ice Cream Man?

Exquisite! You people don't know what you are talking about! Nukie was a cinematic tour de force! With its sublime character development, excellent special effects, a very tightly coreographed dance sequence, and two hot nubile african boys. Where's Neema? He should see this. He always misses everything. And remember... I LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE YOU.

I'm a lover of bad movies, and I'm convinced this is the worst movie of all time-- not only that, I've watched this turgid monstrosity countless times and I'm in awe at how freaking awful it is. It takes awhile for the effect to run off-- I'll be at work or in class thinking about how awful this movie is after a week of when I saw it last.

You don't know what "the worst movie ever" is until you've seen this.

The world needs to understand that a movie like this can come into being when it shouldn't exist! Imagine if you could possibly know the absolute truth of everything, well seeing this is like knowing the absolute anti-truth of nothing.

He gave this movie 5-stars??? At first I thought he was joking. . .then I read his review and am unsure. I'm still rather unsure after reading all his other reviews. . . in which 95% of them happen to be five-star reviews of terrible movies.

If he was reviewing this in all seriousness. . .he should be locked up. This movie is by far and away the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. I however did get enjoyment out of it being that terrible.

Some bad movies are funny. Some bad movies are so confusing they become a personal challenge to decipher. Some bad movies are so bad they're good. Some bad movies are just pure entertainment. Nukie is none of the above.

Nukie is a painful experience. How could this be written? How could this be directed and filmed? I pass this as a warning...every second of this movie is unwatchable. I certainly wouldn't let my kids watch it - they'd get nightmares.

I don't understand the reviewers here that gave this movie a positive rating, unless maybe they had a copy to dump. This movie doesn't even sell on EBAY when listed for 99 cents. `Nuff said?

This movie is sublime. There are no words beautiful enough in the English language to describe the genius of this movie. In fact, I'm convinced the censors of these reviews read no further than the second line. If you are reading this review, then you know my theory to be Golden. Incidentally, Malarky, you are a nitz.