Customer Reviews

Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type - And Become a Better Parent

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I originally checked this book out of our library, but within a few weeks I bought my own copy. I'm amazed at how one book could change the way I look at my children (as well as my spouse and myself!). My husband and I are complete opposites (he's ISTJ and I'm ENFP) but tend to complement eachother's strengths and weaknesses. I was able to see how my ENTP daughter needed more space than I was giving her, and how it was important to save "no" for the big things. My ISFJ daughter has always caused us concern because of the way everything goes over her head. She also has a very difficult time making decisions. Through this book I was able to see more of her strengths and also am better able to deal with her "personality quirks"...it's been a lifesaver! My ISFJ daughter has always been slow to warm up to people, but quick at understanding how things work . She learned chess in one day (on her 7th birthday) and regularly gives us a run for our money! And lastly we have a little ESTP who is only 2 but has already learned the art of manipulation...I guess you could say she was born with it! But now I can use the tips in NURTURE BY NATURE to help with all of their different personalities. I bought this book only 6 months ago and have used it more than ANY other parenting/help book I have. You wouldn't believe how marked up it is! I could probably toss all the others! I only wish that I had found this 10 years ago! It's worth its weight in gold!

This book takes the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and applies it to parenting. The book is supposed to help parents identify their child's personality type, so that they can then parent them in a way that best suits the child's needs as well as the parents'.

I like the fact that the book shows that children are individuals, and that a one size fits all approach to parenting tends not to work. The book could really give a parent insight into a child who is vey different from the way the parent is (say, a very extroverted mom or dad who can't quite understand why his/her child would rather read a book or play with a chemistry set than go play with a group of kids). It can also help the parent understand why some discipline techniques that work really well with one child completely fail with another. The book talks about all these sorts of issues - school, discipline, overall behaviour, etc.

The problem I have with the book is that I think is difficult to identify some children's preferences, particularly in the more complex areas of a person's type. It's rather easy to tell if someone is an extravert vs. an introvert. Other things, like sensing vs intuitive, or judging vs. perceiving are more difficult to assess in a child. I found it hard to determine the type of the child I was thinking of. Where the book is more useful is knowing your own type, and looking at how your child might respond to it.

Although I'm not convinced that the Myers-Briggs Type Indictor is a valid instrument to use with children, I do believe this book can still give parents and other adults who interact with kids a good broad base of understanding of how temperment is displayed in children. For that alone, the book is worth looking at. I would reccommend getting the book out of the library and skimming a few chapters to see if you like the book and think it will be useful to you before you spend the money to purchase it outright.

What a great book! I strongly recommend this book for all parents and teachers. Especially those involved with so-called learning disabilities like attention deficit disorder, which can simply be the manifestation of a child's natural temperament.

I was already familiar with the MBTI/Jungian theory of temperament before I bought the book and suspected my son to be an "ENTP" because of his apparent preferences for extraversion, intuition-imagination, logic and divergent thinking. When I got the book in the mail and opened it up to ENTP I immediately read it to my husband and we were in hysterics. We've been calling him "The Negotiator," and the heading under ENTP was "Everything's Negotiable." There were about ten full pages on the ENTP temperament, from infancy up through the teen years. I'm also an ENTP and it rang true. It was simply amazing how true it all was. I now feel a bit more prepared in that I have an idea about what to expect in future years.

Then we looked up ISTP, my husband's type, and read that. I said to him about certain parts, "you weren't like that, were you?" and he reply rather sheepishly, "well, actually, I was." Then he began to tell me stories I'd never heard before of him as a child. I just never pictured him hanging off the tops of cliffs.

All in all, it was incredibly valuable for me to identify that my son has pretty much the same temperament as me, and it was probably even more invaluable for my husband to read about the temperament traits of an ENTP, since my husband is of a different type and would naturally tend to have different expectations of his son. I think he understands him a little better now.

Not only did I enjoy the information on personality types of children and how to best encourage and support them, I loved reading about my husband's and my types, as well. We had a lot of "ah-hah!" moments reading this book. I highly recommend it to any parent who wants to nurture and appreciate their child for who they are.

This book is very well written (not to say it is free of typos, but...); it is definitely time for a personality-taylored child-rearing book. The descriptions are very accurate, and the suggestions for parenting the children are right on. I do believe, however, that there is a fatal error in the artist's tendency to focus on a positive aspect of some children's type and a negative aspect of others'. The pictures/quotes do not seem to underline the idea that all children have something positive to contribute. The Introverted Percievers seemed to fare the worst. Parents of an ESTJ may be put at ease from a picture of a smiling kid wearing a halo, with a quote focusing on his tendency to follow rules rather than his tendency to boss others kids around. But parents of INTPs may not like the picture of a rebel. And they may have purchased the book wondering why their child is so curious, but until seeing the picture, never given a thought that his questions might be a sign of disrespect. If children are equal but different, the pictures should focus on the positive attributes of each type.

Parenthood takes a lot of patience and you'll find this book provides insights you need to conjure that patience and understanding of your little one. If children came with an owner's manual, I imagine it would read very much like this book, which is extremely helpful in understanding your child's personality, what you can expect from that personality, and how your personality affects decisions in child rearing. All kids are different, and the Tiergers do an excellent job of catagorizing personalities to help you make good decisions about how to best discipline and teach your child. You will avoid a lot of parenting mistakes, heartaches, and frustration with this new knowledge. You'll view your childhood in a new light. You'll have fun identifying the personality traits of yourself, your spouse, and family members. "That's why they're that way" will become a common thought as you delve into this book and find the personailties of your loved ones emerge.

I bought this book before I had children because I was trying to understand my own personality a little better. Now I am trying to type my 2-year-old son-at least I am having a great time trying, even though I suspect I won't have any final answers until he is able to express himself a little more. Even at this age though, it helps me to identify different traits and not worry about the differences between him and other children in his environment. I think my son is an ESTJ and I am an INTP-so this book has helped to remind me that my son's way of relating to the world is different from mine, and that I need to consider his actions and needs in his context. Also, I like the fact that different learning styles, activity levels, and verbal abilities are discussed as well as the standard introversion vs. extroversion Myers-Briggs typing.

My children have all graduated from high school and are on their paths into adulthood, but my biggest struggle through their primary school years were how teachers-----not all of them, but more than 1/2 of them-----expected every child to enjoy learning and contribute to class sessions animatedly, vocally, opinionatedly, artisticly, and be organized, self-starters, imaginative, detail oriented, etc., etc., etc. This book explains that each child----as well as any adult---has their own personality makeup and that's the way God has made them. Some children aren't vocal or artistic or self-starters or detail oriented and never will be no matter how often they're ridiculed or put in time-out or made to feel inadiquat. It's time for me to get off of my soapbox now, but this is a wonderful book and I recommend everyone to read it. It'll make you understand that a child...as well as any human being...has a way that they react and for any of us not to take reactions so personally...............after all, that's their personality ;-}

I was introduced to this book by a good friend of mine - Thank you Shirleen! She knew that I was having trouble understanding my son who is 7 years old. When he was a baby I could feel his needs and wants instictively as a Mother. During this past year, I felt that he was developing into a boy, which I could not always understand and I felt myself becoming more and more frustrated with myself. I could understand my daughter 99% of the time, where she is coming from... But when it came to my son, I really felt helpless. I could not understand his logic and his moods and also his retorts to certain situations. This book helped me understand WHY my son does and says certain things and also helped me find solutions on how to deal with his feelings and weekensses and strengths. I highly recommend this book to any parent in need, cause there is hope.

It is hard to underestimate the value of understanding personality type for developing effective business, spouse, peer, and parent-child relationships. I would speculate that many family conflicts are due to different personality types not being able to communicate with one another, or a child not fitting the behavior model established by the parents or siblings. Still, this is only one tool in the parental toolbox. Personality type should not be the only tool used, it doesn't mean that the tools of common sense and tradition are totally thrown out the window, yet it is a very useful tool and one that many parents are not aware of.

If you are not familiar with personality type, this book serves as a great introduction to understanding both your own and your child's, and may well be the first of a number of books you explore in this area of psychology. If you already have some knowledge about personality type (such as having read 'Please Understand Me II' by David Keirsey), it is still worth picking up a copy of this book. You will find the specific examples and descriptions of how personality type manifests itself in children at different ages to be helpful and insightful.