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NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children
 
 
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NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children [Paperback]

Po Bronson (Author), Ashley Merryman (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (213 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 5, 2011
One of the most influential books about children ever published, Nurture Shock offers a revolutionary new perspective on children that upends a library's worth of conventional wisdom. With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, the authors demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring--because key twists in the science have been overlooked. Nothing like a parenting manual, NurtureShock gets to the core of how we grow, learn and live.

Released in hardcover in September 2009, Nurture Shock remained on the New York Times best seller list for three months, and was one of Amazon's best selling books for 2009. The book has become a worldwide phenomenon with editions published around the world - in fifteen languages, to date.

In addition to Bronson and Merryman's writings on praise -- first made famous in New York magazine -- there are nine more equally groundbreaking chapters. Among the topics covered:

Why the most brutal person in a child's life is often a sibling, and how a single aspect of their preschool-aged play can determine their relationship as adults.

When is it too soon - or too late - to teach a child about race? Children in diverse schools are less likely to have a cross-racial friendship, not more - so is school diversity backfiring?

Millions of families are fighting to get their kids into private schools and advanced programs as early as possible. But schools are missing the best kids, 73% of the time - the new neuroscience explains why.

Why are kids - even those from the best of homes - still aggressive and cruel? The answer is found in a rethinking of parental conflict, discipline, television's unexpected influence, and social dominance.

Parents are desperate to jump-start infants' language skills. Recently, scientists have discovered a series of natural techniques that are astonishing in their efficacy - it's not baby videos, sign language, or even the richness of language exposure. It's nothing you've heard before.

Frequently Bought Together

Customers buy this book with Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five $10.20

NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children + Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The central premise of this book by Bronson (What Should I Do with My Life?) and Merryman, a Washington Post journalist, is that many of modern society's most popular strategies for raising children are in fact backfiring because key points in the science of child development and behavior have been overlooked. Two errant assumptions are responsible for current distorted child-rearing habits, dysfunctional school programs and wrongheaded social policies: first, things work in children the same way they work in adults and, second, positive traits necessarily oppose and ward off negative behavior. These myths, and others, are addressed in 10 provocative chapters that cover such issues as the inverse power of praise (effort counts more than results); why insufficient sleep adversely affects kids' capacity to learn; why white parents don't talk about race; why kids lie; that evaluation methods for giftedness and accompanying programs don't work; why siblings really fight (to get closer). Grownups who trust in old-fashioned common-sense child-rearing—the definitely un-PC variety, with no negotiation or parent-child equality—will have less patience for this book than those who fear they lack innate parenting instincts. The chatty reportage and plentiful anecdotes belie the thorough research backing up numerous cited case studies, experts' findings and examination of successful progressive programs at work in schools. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Bookmarks Magazine

Reviewers were generally wowed by Bronson and Merryman's breezy synthesis of the latest parenting research. They often favorably contrasted NurtureShock with traditional parenting guides, which seem old-fashioned compared with the authors' cutting-edge approach. But at least one skeptic felt that NurtureShock was just more of the same; the New York Times Book Review noted that every generation has a "revolutionary" book of parental advice, and this one may only seem novel because of a new kind of packaging. Nevertheless, even Pamela Paul found parts of the book interesting, suggesting that there may indeed be something in NurtureShock for everyone. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Twelve; Reprint edition (January 5, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0446504130
  • ISBN-13: 978-0446504133
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 1 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (213 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,222 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
961 of 980 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
Parenting books are ubiquitous. How to sift through and determine which are worthy? I have a teenage daughter and have read quite a few. Even when I thought I was impressed, there was always something nagging at me about them. I determined that many of the books had an outside or hidden agenda, which was to socialize parents according to a specific sheep-herding mentality. Often, a social consciousness or a reaction to a negative social consciousness about raising children informed these "manuals." In other words, the science behind the thinking was weak--they were often politically charged or reactionary.

The blurbs about this book intrigued me, but I was also skeptical--until I read the first chapter on the inverse power of praise. Parents and guardians--just get ye to a bookstore and read the first chapter. I think you will be galvanized by its immediacy and logic (as well as back-up data) and it will inspire you to continue. It all clicked when I read about our praise-junkie tendencies, and how it has a paradoxical effect. The authors never condescend to us; they maintain that all of us want to make the best and most informed decisions. For instance, most of us start telling our babies, from the cradle "You are so smart" as almost a mantra of parenting. The authors do not criticize positive praise--they are revealing the data for specific types of praise. Telling a kid he or she is smart rather than specifically praising them for their efforts will eventually backfire. The child will have a tendency to not put out a lot of effort when they are challenged because they are stymied by the feeling that they have to stay smart, or that they must be NOT smart if they can't solve a problem or puzzle. Telling a kid (s)he is smart is praising an innate feature that is out of the child's control. Praising them for each genuine effort (whether they solved a problem or not) will have a better outcome. I cannot convey to readers the way that these authors channel and support this information--the statistical data and the entire beautiful logic of it--you must read it for yourselves.

The chapter on race relations also woke me out of a deep slumber of complacency. Too often, parents try to teach their kids equality just by placing them in diverse environments or showing them videos of multicultural friendships and cooperation. The book explicated a longitudinal study done by Dr. Bigler in Austin, Texas that revealed the lack of actual parent/child discussion on racial equality. That is the key ingredient to integration. Silence is not golden--(silence is black and white, and never the twain shall meet)--it is the wrong kind of colorblind. Just read this chapter and it will open your eyes.

Each section is such a wake-up call to parenting that I found myself reflecting on the blind spots in my own methods--not in an immolating way, but rather in an "aha!" manner. It isn't guesswork or just someone's opinion. The longitudinal studies, ongoing tests, data compilation, and control studies are explicit. But, more than that, you will feel a light bulb go off--it is seriously the most intrepid book I have ever read on parenting. No exaggeration. I can apply the book's information to my own parenting experiences and trials and realize how on the mark these studies are.

There is a chapter on sleep--its bearing and consequences on child performance, on obesity, and on mood. This section alone is worth the price of the book. I learned which parts of the sleep cycle are integral to the storage of which information. They describe the parts of the brain being affected when information is received and when sleep is disrupted. But, more importantly, the authors lay out the pitfalls of losing just 15 minutes or an hour of sleep--so many teenage problems are associated with this that some trailblazing schools are finally arranging the hours of education based on these studies. But more schools need this call to action. And we need to encourage a positive sleep pattern with our children. I know this sounds de rigueur and obvious. But this chapter on sleep is way more comprehensive than anything I have read before, and profound. Almost everything in the quality of your children's lives depends on it.

One of my favorite sections was the one that is like a riptide into everything you thought you knew about your child's language acquisition. Baby Einstein? Fuhgettaboutit. And don't try teaching your children a foreign language by popping in a Spanish DVD and parking them in front of the TV. Not going to happen. As a matter of fact, it will have a deleterious effect. A child needs a "live" person to learn. Additionally, it is the call and response between parent and baby that is the key to increasing their vocabulary and comprehension. Baby Einstein videos are like disembodied voices that do absolutely zip for their education. Sesame Street in Spanish is just as ineffective. Please read the chapter--the whole controversy is revealed when the studies proved that these baby videos are empty and hollow forms of education.

Perhaps my personal favorite is the chapter on teen rebellion. I recognize the arguing and lying of children in a whole new way now. How and why children cultivate what we think of as egregious behaviors usually stems from a psychologically astute and desirable place in their hearts and growth. It is the same with arguing. We need to shed our preconceptions and outmoded concerns about teen compliance, obedience, and integrity and understand the necessary steps in their development. There is a paradox about child/teen lying--it is expected, but it still must be dealt with.

And there is more--sibling rivalry, IQ testing, testing for elite schools at an early age, self-control, and playing well with others are covered immaculately.

Yes, it will blow the lid off, turn upside down just about everything previously advocated in parenting books. But not in a confounding way. That is an important ingredient to consider. This book, the way I perceive it, is not intended to upset or horrify you or derail your parenting experience. (Although, by its very nature it does derail previous long-held concepts, but in a compassionate way.) As a matter of fact, it provided clarity into numerous bogus concepts and the pious conditioning that we have been hanging onto for years. Additionally, it offers specific practices and interventions that can be measured rather swiftly in your own home with these changes to your personal parenting skills. As much as this book "shocks," it is not intimidating or finger-pointing at parents (although it does point a finger into disingenuous studies). The accessible and engaging flow of narrative is dotted with levity, lightness, and always benevolence. I read this book in just a few sittings and I retained the information well. It is easy to go back and reference what you read, as the chapters are laid out in an explicit, user-friendly manner.

Slide your other parenting books to the side of the shelf and place this one squarely in the middle. I acknowledge this book as a parenting imperative. Read it and leap.
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146 of 151 people found the following review helpful
How Children Work July 10, 2009
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I learned to cast a suspicious eye toward some who are regarded as childhood "experts" after getting to know the adult offspring of a few prominent figures in the field who were navigating adulthood with considerably more difficulty than the average person. So I particularly like the holes that Bronson and Merryman poke in some of the previously accepted academic theories and trends in child development. I also think that some of the "new" academic data presented in the book is something that many parents will simply (and hopefully) recognize as common sense.

The chapters in the book are all very interesting, covering babies and teens and much of the in between. The chapter on testing for giftedness, which has become a hot button topic of late, is very thought-provoking. I agree with the authors that most gifted programs have run badly amok, but as one who had many years of experience at a private school for highly gifted children, I know that there are children who, in an average school environment, would be teased mercilessly for their ability to relate better to numbers and books than to their classmates. For highly gifted girls in particular, a school such as that can be a very safe place for them to be very smart.

The chapters on false praise, sibling rivalry, teen rebellion and overly-involved parenting speak more to an affirmation of common sense wisdom than to academic breakthroughs, but the research and studies are fun to read nonetheless. The chapters on race, sleep and lying are quite thought-provoking. Overall, the book is well written (not in florid or garbled academia-speak), very well researched, and the authors succeed in offering quite a few new, and fun, things to learn about children.
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193 of 207 people found the following review helpful
Really 4 1/2 stars... July 2, 2009
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
Disclaimer: I do not have children. I am very curious myself to hear what parents with children will think of this book. I got this book because I teach college, and in the last two years it seems that the students have really changed--stuff that used to work no longer does. I'm looking for answers.

For example, this book discusses why adolescents lie--a problem I've run into many times. *Part* of their argument (I don't mean to oversimplify their point) is that teenagers have learned that a)telling the truth will get them in trouble b) getting away with lying saves both them and their parents from aggravation and c) there's really no worse penalty for getting caught for doing X *and* lying about it than there is for doing X--thus there's no harm in trying, at least, the lie. This makes absolute sense with the scenarios I see semester to semester. Now that I know where it's coming from, I can consider better how to manage it--as in, make clear that the penalty for lying in this class will be much worse than just getting a zero on the paper.

This book has also, though it wasn't a main point of the book, reinforced to me something I've felt for a long time: that education should shape the whole person, beyond academics. Schools are were young people spend most of their time and have most of their social interactions--it makes perfect sense that schools should also get involved in teaching 'good human being' skills.

The surprise in this book comes from the fact that all of our old notions of how to create good human beings are apparently completely unsupported by science. We think praise is good--turns out indiscriminate praise can actually cause students to underperform! We think arguments are all bad--turns out they're not! We think violent TV programs are the ones we want to shield our kids from--turns out that more schoolyard cruelty came from groups who watched 'safe' cartoons like "Arthur."

What I appreciated was that this book didn't (to me, at least) take an alarmist tone--stop that, you're ruining your child!!! Instead it shows the assumptions, challenges them, brings in science and then goes on to humanize the results--Bronson's little discussions with his son in the race chapter were insightful and awfully cute, and really drove the points home. His open discomfort with the praise issue hit all the points I'd imagine I'd go through in 'praise withdrawal.'

One thing I wanted, simply, was more! More science! They kept the science parts as short and general-readership-friendly as they could, which is a great choice to sell books that will reach the largest audience, but me, I wanted more than little blurbs of studies. Not that I wasn't convinced, but I wanted to see a bit more for myself.

I am planning on passing this book on to my friends (especially those with young children) and having some really great discussions about it. This would be a great pick for a bookclub or discussion group.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
The parent's equivalent of Freakonomics
An excellent read that challenges many aspects of what feels like common sense to tricky parenting issues. Recommended read for parents with children of all ages.
Published 2 hours ago by Backscheider
Very Interesting
I don't read many non-fiction books, but I really enjoyed this book! The results were incredibly enlightening, and it was an enjoyable read!
Published 1 month ago by Lindsey Spencer
Fascinating!
One of the best books I've read on the subject of child development....and I've read quite a few. I highly recommend this! Read more
Published 1 month ago by Dorothy LaBar
Very interesting and actually useful information
I've read many books on child development and how children learn. This book is well written and has new information that is useful to parents of little ones up to teen age. Read more
Published 1 month ago by K. Finnefrock
NurtureShock Shockingly Good
This book appears to be well-researched and it is well structured. That's just for starters. The way it invites parents, teachers and mentors to think differently about how... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Robert Simon
Great read for any parent or grandparent today
Highly recommend this as a thought provoking read for any parent or grandparent today. About half of the book consists of study citations so it's really not that long, but packs a... Read more
Published 1 month ago by K Jean
Love the book, hate the name & the cover art
What a fantastic and fascinating book. I love that each chapter is discrete and can be read as an independent unit. Read more
Published 1 month ago by carb101
Revealing Look at How Kids Work
Nurture Shock is a book that shows why many modern day parenting strategies for nurturing and raising our children are not working. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Sherry Ellis
Great for parents of young kids
This is a great book, and is applicable to parenting kids at around 6 months of age and older. I wish I had read it earlier (the day they published it actually)... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Brian
Recommended for all parents of young children
The research that behind this book really looks and child development from a fresh perspective and the findings are shocking, highly recommend.
Published 3 months ago by Braveheart
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