Ocean of Lard (Choose Your Own Mindfuck Fest #17) [Paperback]

Carlton Mellick III (Author), Kevin L. Donihe (Author), Terrasa Ulm (Illustrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 10, 2005

A perverted, surreal, violent, hilarious, and absolutely fucked-up parody of those Choose Your Own Adventure books you used to read as a kid.

You're on the run from the cops and need to disappear somehow. Luckily you happen across a secret ocean in the middle of Wyoming. An undiscovered world of pirates and zombies that, according to maps, couldn't possibly exist. But here it is, a vast white sea that is made of some kind of greasy blubber substance instead of water. To escape, you must join the crew of one of the two ships at the dock. The first is a strange black cube-shaped vessel called The Eye World and the other is a totally punk rock pirate ship called The Rotten Sore. Which will you take?

If you board The Eye World, turn to page 21. If you take The Rotten Sore, turn to page 22. But choose wisely! You could find yourself screwing demonic faeries and a cyborg dominatrix on top of a pile of treasure, or you could end up as lunch for a team of floating telepathic walrus heads.
Ocean of Lard is a parody of that classic interactive fiction series that you adored as a kid, now filled to the brim with enough fucked up humor and perversions to satisfy you as an adult.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

"Repugnant, hilarious, vile, extreme, obscene, and horribly fun!" - SCHTINKY REVIEWS

"If Hunter S. Thompson and Charles Manson decided one day to candy flip together and write a choose-your-own-adventure book, something very similar to Ocean of Lard would have been the result. This book is a feverish blob of festering amazingness." - BROODING FERRET

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Eraserhead Press (March 10, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0976249820
• ISBN-13: 978-0976249825
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #252,978 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I am a sick f***, August 21, 2005

By 

Nathan Tyree "Author of Mr. Overby is Falling" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ocean of Lard (Choose Your Own Mindfuck Fest #17) (Paperback)

There was a point while reading Ocean of Lard when I set the book down and said: "well, that was disturbing." I know that that doesn't seem like such a big deal, but understand: I'm the guy who thinks that thinks that zombie sex with midgets is funny.

Anyway, Ocean of Lard is great fun. It's a a twisted little romp for sick adults. It has pirates, sexy mermaids, pedophillia and everything else a broken mind needs.

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WARNING: you will enjoy this far too much, August 20, 2005

By 

R. Duffy "literature junkie" (Columbus, OH) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ocean of Lard (Choose Your Own Mindfuck Fest #17) (Paperback)

Very occasionally, life provides us with an escape so pure and full that upon it's end we are left in the fetal position, giggling maniacally and wondering why exactly we should ever want to do anything else at all ever again. Reading "The Ocean of Lard" is one of these rare escapes. I won't claim that this is a book that rivals establised literary classics, but it's not supposed to, which is why it's so enjoyable. The "choose your own adventure" format allows the reader to feel as if they're in control, when really you're just running blindly around in the brilliant maze that is author Carlton Mellick's imagination. No matter how many times you read through this, you won't be able to help but smile and become completely lost in it, which makes it just as important to own as any work by Shakespeare, Twain, or Hemingway. To keep, reading this review, turn to page 124. To make the right choice and avoid the doldrums of everyday life, but this book right now.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fun For Twisted Adults, May 17, 2005

By 

K. B. "Idiot Alien Thought Creature" (Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ocean of Lard (Choose Your Own Mindfuck Fest #17) (Paperback)

Who says kids have to have all the fun? This book is a sick & twisted adventure that lets you choose your own warped destiny. You're on the run due to your criminal actions. Things start getting weird immediately. The highway is abruptly transformed into a hiking trail. There's a mutant ocean of lard in the middle of Wyoming. You have three choices: Pirate Town, The Eye World, or The Rotten Sore. You can be a sailor sloshing through an ocean of lard fighting zombies and having sex with amazing mutant creatures! Of course, you could also choose to stay on land and take your chances in Pirate Town. The best part is, you can relive the adventure over and over again, varying the plot, amazing settings, mutant creatures, and kinky sex as you go! You can die over and over in imaginative ways and immediately start the fun again. I highly recommend taking this book to the office and indulging in it during those boring times when the boss disappears. It'll make your day much more interesting.