Customer Reviews

Odd Girl Speaks Out: Girls Write about Bullies, Cliques, Popularity, and Jealousy

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

When someone say's to you, "Oh! They're just jealous. Give them time. They will come around, 'Do you question your sanity?'"

And, isn't this another way of telling you that you are flawed, that you should feel ashamed of yourself, and that you need to give up being who you are - or else?"

"Odd Girl Speaks Out," is a wonderful book, written with 11-22 year-old girls in mind. But, every woman can get something out of this, because by age 8, and for the rest of our lives, we are socialized with these 3 unspoken rules:
1. Don't Compete;
2. Don't Outdo; and,
3. Make the guys more valuable to you, than girls could possibly be.

We are also socialized to not directly confront conflict, especially with other girls.

And we learn, at an early age, to base our worthiness upon hanging onto our best girlfriends, at the price of our own worthiness.

I'm so glad to have read this book, because each letter, written by the 11-22 year-old contributors, reminds us that Girl Power is not about seeking legislative rights, although I wouldn't want to reverse what our foremothers have given us.

Girl Power also is not about blaming men for what we haven't succinctly communicated to them.

Girl Power is about facing the reality of the darker side of being girls. It is where we stop seeking targets in other women/girls, to make them look worse than we feel about ourselves. Allgirls are socialized to believe that power for girls is limited, and that if the other girl has it, she has taken away all the possibility for her to have power.

What troubled me, though, about this book were 2 things:
1. Never did the author explore how girl bullying is passed on between the mother/daughter wounds, and the decisions that mother make about what society expects of them.
2. Throughout this book, Simmons advocates girls changing schools when things are overwhelmingly difficult. The problem with this is: You are leaving with yourself. Whatever wound you have, whatever disempowering habit you created in reaction to being attacked is something that you will express at the new school, until you overcome your fears, and develop skills to defuse and deflect negative energy that is coming towards you, from others.

That being said, I still appreciate reading this book, and knowing that Simmons is brave enough to turn her own experiences into helping millions of others around the world.

It's obvious that the ODD GIRL books have helped dry the tears, and restore the equilibrium, of millions among the undeserviedly abused. Thanks to Rachel Simmons, we pick ourselves up from the floor and soldier on.

But there is more. ODD GIRL SPEAKS OUT has the power to unleash a spring of creativity in those who " make art." whether it be writing, music, painting, or theatre.
True story: Several children in a fourth grade class volunteered to write an opera. But they were stumped. One girl happened on a copy of ODD GIRL SPEAKS OUT. She couldn't put it down . She instantly got the idea that "betrayal" could be their operatic theme. All of the kids" got it,' and the more they looked in the book the more great ideas they had for the plot, the characters, the music, the stage sets. : BUBBLING BETRAYAL was the name. It was a big hit, and many in the audiences said that it was like a grown- up opera in its depth and emotion, yet it dealt with the real life experience of kids.
So for those among you who want to write truthfully and from your heart, -first read this book!. ODD GIRL SPEAKS OUT could "light your pilot" as it already has for one fourth grade class.

"Odd Girl Speaks Out" is a book of short stories by teen and preteen girls about their experiences with relationships between other girls. Opening the beginning of each section is commentary by the editor relating to what the section will be about.

What's Good-
1) Certain authors make powerful statements of self realization at the end of their stories. Ex-In "Who My Friends Really Were", the author states, "No longer do I judge or label...And most importantly I want everyone to know that no matter how bad things seem, they do get better...I got better." In "I Was the One Word that Everyone Fears: Alone", the author says, "Through my experiences I became a stronger person. I learned so much about myself and about others."
2) Some authors prefer to express themselves in poetry. Their poetry tells a story just like those who write in article format but is more direct. Those who like to read stories in article format but also enjoy poetry might find this refreshing (like I did).
3) The editor offers commentary about each of the sections of the book and some of it is helpful. Ex-In a snippet about talking to a friend about a problem, she offers three tips definitely worth using: Listen, Stay with the issue, and if need be, Apologize. In a snippet about losing trust in relationships with girls, she says not to give up on girls forever.
4) Certain stories can be inspiration for performing. Ex-"Just to Make You Happy" is written in monologue form and with a few changes is perfect for a drama performance.

What's Not So Good-
1) The story entitled "Friend Trouble". It feels like the whole story is the author complaining about her two friends for various reasons without offering any substance. Also, instead of making up names for her two friends she refers to them as "my skinny friend" and "my fat friend" and herself as "average fat". This is one story I don't recommend reading at all.
2) The editor mentions that for some girls who are constantly picked on, moving can not only be a fresh start but they can also become more popular. What she doesn't stress enough is that if those constantly picked on girls are carrying around heavy grudges, they still might have problems.
3) Sometimes the editor puts too much of herself into her commentary. She mentions a few experiences she had with her own friendships and at one point when she was talking about parents she wrote down what they said and "responded" back. In a book where girls are supposed to speak for themselves, it would be a good idea if she backed off and offered the advice with no emotional attachment.

Final Recommendations-
All in all this is a decent book with decent stories, but I recommend scanning through it first before buying.

I read Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls a number of years ago and often recommend it to my therapy clients. This follow up I found disappointing. The girls often tell their stories leaving out important details. I was often confused about who did what to whom. Simmons could have done a better job assisting the girls to show rather than tell what happened. Simmons' hypothesis that girl bullying occurs because girls are encouraged to be nice is not well supported. I believe bullying to be the result of the desire to establish a higher status in the social hierarchy. Often the bully is not angry with the person she is teasing. She often finds pleasure in humiliating someone else. I did notice some patterns in the stories the girls told. For instance, several girls told that when they stood up for another girl they then found themselves excluded and the girl they stood up for included. What the book lacks is the application of the current research on bullying to the girls' stories. In that way the who, what and whys of bullying would have been made clearer.

It is inevitable that our daughters will experience some sort of emotional bullying. Prepare yourself and the ones you love by reading this book and understanding the dynamic.
This book helped me to see how my natural reactions
"Well Ill just speak to her parents" WRONG
"Honey Just talk with her and it will work out" WRONG
"She is such a rotten kid! How can she do that?" WRONG

WRONG WRONG WRONG
Sigh.
It hasn't changed since we were young- its only better enabled by technology. In any case- information is the best weapon. Read this with your daughter before it happens- you may be able to avoid heartache.

As we age I think it becomes harder and harder for us to remember our childhoods accurately. I was finishing up this book as I was giving a final exam and one of my students asked me, "Why are you reading that?" I tried to explain to her the research on female aggression that psychologists have been doing. I also tried to explain to her that authors like Simmons are making these research results and the personal "case studies" they apply to more available to the public and accessible to the people who need them (i.e., young girls, parents, and teachers). Both of these reasons should be enough for a person to read this collection of accounts of aggression, but I also feel things like this are important to read specifically because our memories are not accurate and maturity overrides our negative experiences sometimes. Even if you've forgotten what it was like to have no friends or to fear losing the friends you do have, your daughter, student, or client has not.

This book was recomended by my 6th grader's school counselor after she started making some questionable friend choices. We moved to a new area about a year ago and my two middle school daughters went from a very conservative charter school to a tight knit small town public school. My youger (6th grader) daughter has had a more difficult time adjusting and this helped a lot. My older daughter has always been the over-achiever, and expects the same of her sister. This book hleped a lot even within their relationship as I would consider my older child a "queen bee". This book helped my daughter open up to me more because it was easier for her to start a converstaion about something she read in the book, that happened to someone else, and it would lead us into things she is or has been going through. I read Queen Bees and Wannabes while she was reading this and it seemed to work out well, gave us a common thread and set the stage for planned conversations, something difficult to do well with girls this age.

This is a GREAT book. My daughter who is 14 could really relate to it. As a mom it really gave me an insight to what she has to deal with at school.

This book is perfect for tweens or teens to read, as they meander that difficult time in their lives. I also suggest that parents read this book as well.

This book is not a sociological analysis of Bullies, Cliques, etc. Instead, you read entries from the girls themselves and between in section Simmons gives a snyopsis or suggestions. This is more of a primer than an academic text. Read Odd Girl Out, then give this book to young girls, teens or women in your life.

www.rachelsimmons.com

First off, I wanted to hook you up with the author's official site.

I think that this book is a MUST READ for any 8-12th grader in America! This coupled with the first book, Odd Girl Out coincide with the angst of being a young woman in this day and age. Thank God I don't have to be a teenager now!

I have used this text in my book club and it sparks great discussions and is a stepping stone to creating your own student anthology. It works well with tons of films and books, like Mean Girls, 13, or Speak. I can't even think of all the LIFETIME movies that coincide with this book as well.