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Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality [Hardcover]

John Schwartz
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)

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Book Description

November 8, 2012

A heartfelt memoir by the father of a gay teen, and an eye-opening story for families who hope to bring up well-adjusted gay adults.

Three years ago, John Schwartz, a national correspondent at The New York Times, got the call that every parent hopes never to receive: his thirteen-year-old son, Joe, was in the hospital following a failed suicide attempt. After mustering the courage to come out to his classmates, Joe’s disclosure — delivered in a tirade about homophobic attitudes—was greeted with dismay and confusion by his fellow students. Hours later, he took an overdose of pills.
 
Additionally, John and his wife, Jeanne, found that their son’s school was unable to address Joe’s special needs. Angry and frustrated, they initiated their own search for services and groups that could help Joe understand that he wasn’t alone. Oddly Normal is Schwartz’s very personal attempt to address his family’s own struggles within a culture that is changing fast, but not fast enough to help gay kids like Joe.

Schwartz follows Joseph through childhood to the present day, interweaving his narrative with common questions, including: Are effeminate boys and tomboy girls necessarily gay? Is there a relationship between being gay and suicide or mental illness? Should a child be pushed into coming out? Parents, teachers, and counselors alike will welcome Oddly Normal and its crucial lessons about helping gay kids –and any kid who is different -- learn how to cope in a potentially hostile world.

 


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Schwartz's frank discussion of a subject many still find taboo will be helpful to parents of LGBT children as one example of how to accept a natural condition with dignity and love. An added bonus is the delightful story written and illustrated by Joe. An honest, earnest, straightforward account of one boy's coming out.”
Kirkus Reviews

“[A] moving account of a family’s journey to raise and protect their gay son… Equally humorous and heartrending, this memoir reveals just what it takes to raise children who are different in a world still resistant.”
Publishers Weekly

“John Schwartz and Jeanne Mixon are the heroes of Oddly Normal.  Still, the star of the book is Joe.  It’s impossible not to fall in love with a kid who, even amid his torment, displays such droll humor and fierce intelligence.”
The New York Times Book Review

“Schwartz writes a poignant and well-documented account of what it meant to be a father who had tried all he could to make his son feel comfortable, but still came terrifyingly close to losing him.”
The Daily Texan

“An inspiring story, and much needed at a time when so many others end tragically.”
—ModernTonic.com

Oddly Normal chronicles the Schwartz family’s mistakes, heartaches and triumphs in raising a child coming to grips with his sexuality.”
Mother Jones Magazine

Oddly Normal is a funny, touching and indispensible book. Moving as well as buoyant, it will give parents of gay children a great deal of hope.”
—Gary Shteyngart, New York Times bestselling author of Super Sad True Love Story

“John Schwartz has written a moving and important memoir about the challenges that even the most enlightened parents face when bringing up a gay son. Combining personal experiences with rigorous reporting, Oddly Normal will be tremendously useful to anyone raising a child perceived as different.”
—Charles Kaiser, author of The Gay Metropolis

“John Schwartz shares his family’s bumpy journey with humor, a journalist’s eye for detail, and a generous honesty of emotion.”
—Jennifer Pizer, Senior Counsel and Director of the Law and Policy Project at Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund

Oddly Normal is a book for parents, teachers, and anyone who works with children. Mr. Schwartz illustrates how even the most accepting parents often need assistance staying engaged, to best help a child who is not fitting in—in fact, there is a little bit of Joseph Schwartz in every kid.”
—Joseph Clementi, founder of the Tyler Clementi Foundation

“Jeanne and John Schwartz are inspiring parental role models, and I’m sure I’ll think of them often…”
Slate.com
 
“Schwartz, an ace reporter for the New York Times, peppers his emotional response with vital research and telling anecdotes.”
—Queerty.com

“Schwartz's memoir is brave and beautiful, surprising and inspiring, a testament to parents' endless determination to help their children, and the bottomless capacity for love.”
—CNN.com
 
“[A] very personal, touching, funny and frank memoir. Anyone with a teenager, gay or straight, will be able to relate to a parent's struggle when dealing with their troubled child.”
—USATODAY.com
 

About the Author

John Schwartz is a national correspondent with the New York Times, where he covers law, science, technology, business and a broad range of other topics. Prior to that, he worked at the Washington Post and Newsweek and his writing has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, GQ, Texas Monthly and other publications.  He is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin and University of Texas Law School. He currently lives in New Jersey with his college sweetheart, Jeanne Mixon. They have three children and two difficult cats.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Gotham (November 8, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592407285
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592407286
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 1.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #66,063 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
34 of 36 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you to the author and his gay son... November 10, 2012
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Homophobes probably will read this book and see it as "exploitation" or "promotion of the [fictional] gay agenda. Some probably base their homophobia on their "Christianity" but homophobia and Christianity have nothing to do with each other. Christ did not teach homophobia.

I am biased. Both my twin and I are gay. We had parents who were unwilling or unable to deal with our being gay. My twin was horribly harassed in school and tried to commit suicide a number of times. We both have issues with being gay that prevent a "normal" life for either of us.

It is time the world stopped lying to itself and realize gay youth exist. Being gay is not a choice and can't be changed. This book was NOT written to promote any kind of fictional "gay agenda." It was written to help gay youth and their parents adjust to the reality of gay youth.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this book and the courage it took for both father and son to "come out." Whether or not you agree with homosexuality, this book is worth reading because children should never feel the need to commit suicide, and parents should never have to lose their children to suicide, simply because they are GLTB.
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful and relatable November 8, 2012
By Kfalco
Format:Hardcover
This book succeeded on several levels. First and foremost, it's engaging and well written. I started with the Kindle sample, bought it immediately, and finished it in one setting. I think this will appeal to any parents who have watched their children struggle with being different, those who work in the education system, and people specifically interested in topics of sexuality and developing identity.

I was struck by the honesty of the author in telling his family's story. I wouldn't recommend reading this book in public like I did, because I teared up several times. The book is powerful in its truth and relatability. Even if you haven't been in this family's exact situation, anyone who grew up different or watched a child grow up different will resonate with the author's words.

In the book, the author interweaves his family's personal experience with research on sexual orientation with mixed results. The research touches upon historical, psychological, and legal domains. Sometimes the sudden rush of research jolted me out of the narrative, but it did deepen the educational quality of the book.

If you're familiar with the research on this topic, those aspects of the book are easily skimmed. The real worth comes from the family's narrative, especially the author's honesty about their failures as well as successes. For parents who need to advocate for their child in an education system, the experiences of the Schwartzs provide a helpful guide for what to do, and not do. Schwartz also acts as a voice of grace towards parents who "miss the signs". His own reflections on how it happened normalizes how hard it is for parents to know everything that's going on with their kid.

I liked that the author drew upon several voices to tell this story. It provided a richer perspective on the events. He used emails from the "gay uncle club"--a collection of gay friends--who helped advise him and his wife, teachers and school administrators who knew his son, and several of his own family members. Fittingly, the last chapter is a story by Joe--the titular teenager--himself.

"Oddly Normal" is a quick read, and well worth the time.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not Just For Parents... November 12, 2012
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is a brave and big-hearted book, one that could well be a life raft for any family coping with the experience detailed here -- lovingly raising a child who, in the eyes of conventional society, is "different."
But it would be a tragedy if "Oddly Normal" did not reach a much larger audience -- the vast population of people who help create the society that presents such obstacles to people like Joe Schwartz and his parents.
Wise people know that abolition frees both the slave and the master. Similarly, tolerance liberates both the bully and his target. And this book is a moving manifesto for tolerance, one that will enrich anyone who reads it -- and everyone should read it.
A universal truth of human society is that there is a constant tension between the security of "fitting in" and the adventure of "standing out." It takes different forms -- fitting into a gang culture or standing out as a scholar; fitting into a loving traditional family role or standing out through some demanding role outside the home; fitting into a supportive office society or standing out by being ambitious. Or, of course, fitting in by conforming to some middle-school notion of "a normal boy" or standing out by being oddly normal, whether that means being gay or a chess prodigy or a precocious reader or a klutz at sports.
This is a book for everyone who has wrestled with that "fitting in/standing out" tension or tried to help others in that struggle. In short, a book for all of us.
You can disregard any canard about "exploitation." The author makes it clear that this book would never have been written if young Joe, its hero, had not wanted his father to write it -- indeed, he helped his father to write it. No one who meets Joe and his parents in the painfully honest pages of "Oddly Normal" could ever suspect otherwise.
Full disclosure: The author of this book is a colleague of mine, although I did not know about the ordeal he and his family were experiencing until I read about it in his book. Indeed, as someone without children, I might not have picked up this book if he had not been a colleague. So I consider that connection a blessing. (Dozens of books have made their way into the world from the ranks of my colleagues without an accompanying Amazon review from me, so you know these comments are from the heart.) This is an extraordinary, important, potentially heart-changing book, and a joy to read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars factual and creative
This book was well written with alternating chapters on historic events and political agendas with the story of the authors son.
Published 15 hours ago by Ralph D. Frantzreb II
5.0 out of 5 stars A good testimony
Every parent going through the stress of having a child that is different will benefit from reading this book. Read more
Published 10 days ago by Dana Huntington-Smith
5.0 out of 5 stars If only...
My middle school and high school years could have had this sort of support. Can't wait to see what becomes of Joseph in the future. He is so wonderfully special!
Published 25 days ago by Bobbi Ruddock
4.0 out of 5 stars Another perspective in the recognition of what it is like to be gay...
Informative; written in a way to involve the reader in the family situation as well as in the big picture based on research and talking with those in the know...
Published 26 days ago by David Mulholland
2.0 out of 5 stars Oddly Strange
I felt the author was advocating special programs in schools for gay children. His son is extremely intelligent and gifted. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Julia Lagarde
4.0 out of 5 stars To much information
I was more interested in the story and the family's struggle with handling this delicate situation with and for their son. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Carol L. Evans
2.0 out of 5 stars I was really disappointed in this book.
The book was more of a reporting of what happened than a real story. It got boring in places and it almost seemed like the parents were grooming this boy to be gay.
Published 1 month ago by mjg2745
4.0 out of 5 stars A heart warming story with research for days
This is a very good read for someone who likes and or needs facts and statistics about raising a gay child. The background story of the gay child in the book was a bit lite. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Jym Shipman
5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book
Everyone should read this book! Teenager to adult. It's so helpful and has a great insight into many things. It has made me rethink and invoked thinking about slot of things!
Published 1 month ago by D. S. Peebles
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Read
This book is a must read for all adults who interact with preteens and teens- parents, grandparents, teachers. Read more
Published 2 months ago by MaryAnn Levine
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