Customer Reviews

Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge

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This is an important book. And the writer of the book is to be commended for choosing a subject which is of great importance to the Jewish community, and has not been previously treated ( so far as I know) in book form. Faranak Margolese spent five years preparing this book, interviewed several hundred people including many major Rabbis for the project. She studied the subject in depth and came to no easy and hasty conclusion.
One of her findings is that there is no single all- encompassing reason why observant Jews cease to be so. It can be the coolness of their own observant parents to religion, or the difficulty they have with teachers in school. It can come from their own sense of the religion's simply 'not working' for them. There are many , many reasons. And the author is honest enough to say that she has no formula for any specific case.
Here it is important to note that this study is written by an observant person who is looking at the falling away from observance as something 'negative' In other words this book's audience is the audience of observant Jews worried about what is happening to their community.
My own experience teaches me too that there are many reasons for falling away. One is simply the great amount of time and effort required to be religious when people are in frameworks ( for instance, university) where they may be pressed for time. I would too second one of the major points the author makes, the frequent insensitivity of religious people to the needs of their fellows. Even in the matter of 'rebuking' those fallen away, I have seen a neglect of Rambam's advice to do this gently and with respect for the dignity of the person.
I believe one reason the author may not give enough emphasis too is the question of love of truth and intellectual integrity. Einstein left religious life simply because he came to believe its stories 'not true'. I think that in present day Judaism there is a tremendous turning away, even on the part of the most leading and modern rabbis, from the intellectual challenges brought about by a world which scientifically and technically is changing at an accelerated pace.
In this regard I remember one session I attended in a certain well - known Yeshiva , which will go nameless here. A young student whose background was in the sciences asked a question about the religious view of the origin of the Universe. The teacher said to the young man, "Do you have a washing machine?" The young man did not know what to say. The teacher went on. "Well if you do, you know it comes with a manual, a set of rules which tells you how it works. Now" he said holding a Tannakh (Bible) this is our Instruction Manual. Read this, and you will know how the Universe works" The young student looked a bit perplexed, but the teacher was extremely satisfied with himself. My point is that not always are our teachers and educators at the level required to meet the intellectual challenges and questions presented by students. And here I do not mean that they have to have a formula answer( In fact in my opinion the 'formula answers' point to a very big problem with those who do stay in the faith) ((This by the way is another subject, my guess even more controversial. What is wrong with the way so many who are religious act in regard to the religion?))
In any case this book is an important exploration of an important subject, and it makes recommendations which hopefully will be useful to many.
Again I would stress one point the author makes. i.e. that the religious treat with respect and consideration those who are less religious than them.

"Off the Derech," which I read last spring and have recommended to a number of people since, deserves to reach a wide audience - not just clergy and educators, but anyone sincerely interested in the orientation and direction of traditional Judaism.

The question that Faranak Margolese poses in her book's subtitle, "Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism," may well be expanded to "Why Aren't More Jews Observant" - for in my view the reasons she gives for the former are the same as those for the latter. "Off the Derech," in fact, seeks to address one facet of a much larger issue, but actually reaches way beyond this by delving into the very meaning of what it means to be a religious Jew. In this respect, the author quotes Joseph Telushkin: "Among many Orthodox and non-Orthodox as well, the word 'religious' has acquired an exclusively ritualistic connotation. If two Jews are speaking about a third and the question is raised as to whether or not the person is religious, the answer will be based exclusively on the person's level of ritual observance... Ethics are treated almost like an extra-curricular activity - nice, but not that important in defining a person's religiosity." (pp. 222-223) The point Ms. Margolese makes by quoting Rabbi Telushkin, who opens his own most recent book, "You Shall be Holy," by making this same statement, is not that mitzvah observance in all of its forms is secondary, but that it is a means to an end, which is right behavior, and not a mechanical substitute for it.

The author's outlook is one of Torah-grounded, love-oriented, positive Judaism, and her many important observations are designed to support traditional religious thinking and practice. She doesn't loose sight of her original intention in writing "Off The Derech," which is to address the issues that drive people away (severity, narrowness, hypocrisy, judgmentalism etc); but her response to these things is to demonstrate that they are all in opposition to authentic Judaism. Every word is written in the spirit of constructive analysis, never criticism, and to support her viewpoints she draws on many sources, ranging from the classical commentators to Rav Kook and beyond.

Ms. Margolese's conclusions can be boiled down to this: "Solving these problems requires that we return to spirituality and connection to God, that we re-prioritize the internal life of mitzvot - not at the expense of the external expressions, but rather in conjunction with them." She poignantly quotes Rabbi Yaakov Shapiro, who writes "Frum doesn't mean anything... There is no such thing as frum; there is no such thing as Orthodox.... Frum is a Yiddish word - there are no objective criteria.... Frum should be defined as 'someone who is doing their best.'"

Amen.

Hats off to Ms. Margolese for thoughtfully and courageously tackling a subject that has, for too long, remained behind closed doors! By addressing the complex issue of children who leave the derech in extensive, written form, Margolese has boldly taken the first steps towards mending this problem. The book provides not only compelling analysis, but also insightful and pragmatic approaches to resolution that parents can, with a little resolve, easily put into practice. Off the Derech reflects years of demanding and intricate research, yet somehow manages to read like a novel. The narrative style and easy flow of Margolese's writing captured my attention from cover to cover, nearly 400 pages-no small feat for a work of nonfiction, especially for this reader whose interest is easily diverted!

It is certainly worth note that many works of this genre, that examine the challenges of the Orthodox, Jewish world, are written with an underlying tone of disdain and contempt for this very special community. Margolese does none of this. She writes with a deep reverence for this community, a clear and well-rounded understanding of Jewish law and tradition and an unusually profound sense of Jewish values. This book is a must have for parents, educators and community leaders alike...a worthy addition to every Jewish library.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone interested in how Orthodox Judaism's own failures are causing the exodus of many adherents. The author herself is firmly religious and hence very credulous about the truth of revealed religion, etc., but her analyses of the problems of Orthodoxy are nevertheless very insightful. I could complain about the things she overlooks, but the truth is that she covers about 90% of the issues, and that's really not bad, considering that most books of this sort by religious authors are a complete whitewash. I'm even a little surprised the book was not banned (a la Slifkin), since it condemns a variety of aspects of the yeshiva world, including the focus on conformity, preoccupation with Talmud, judgementalism, hypocrisy, excessive stringency, disdain of other Jews, etc, etc. Unfortunately, despite the cogency of the argument it presets, the book won't have the slightest effect on the practice of Orthodox Judaism. That's because making changes of this nature requires leadership from the highest levels, and one of the main problems in Orthodoxy (which I don't believe Ms. Margolese mentions) is that the greater the leadership position held by an Orthodox rabbi, the less likely that rabbi is to exert any *actual* leadership. Popular but minor rabbis such as Wein or Riskin may adopt progressive positions on such issues, but the "gedolim" never will. In fact, the gedolim are the greatest hostages to the status quo, the least able to think critically and freely (see the correspondence in the Slifkin Affair), and the least eager to initiate any changes that might ruffle feathers. It's too bad that we've come to this point. I think "Off the Derech" will prompt many people to sigh and say "she's so right," but nothing else will happen.

I met this woman in person, at a lecture she was giving. I spent almost her entire lecture in open-mouthed shock. It was as if this woman were a mind-reader, knowing my thoughts exactly. Before hearing her, I had felt guilty having such thoughts, that I dare not express them to anybody, and that even if I did, they would be categorically rejected by any of the countless Orthodox Jews that I know. I myself used to be far more formally religious, slowly but surely shuffling off this religious coil, precisely due my personal experience with the abysmal behavior of so-called religious Jews. Ironically, the Rabbi that has most turned me off from being a religious Jew, was a Rabbi present in that very audience where I heard Faranak speak. And when she allowed for questions afterward, he tried to discount everything she had said. Clearly, he had completely and very defensively missed the entire purpose of her lecture.

The book addresses the issues that face most Orthodox parents when their kids become teenagers. I wish we read it ten years ago. Eloquently written, avoiding simplifications, this book clearly stands out from a mediocre pile of modern Jewish literature. One does not have to (and hardly can) agree with everything in the book to extract extremely useful practical ideas. In the Orthodox environment, where "the finest weapon is a cannon" the book that recommends to keep teens on the long leash, to treat them with love and not to severe the connection is a "must read".

I cried throughout this book as I was so moved by the author's wisdom and sensitivity to the subject at hand. I really had no one who understood the complicated and disturbing feelings and thoughts I had about my Jewish observance, or the disallusionment I felt over the many destructive cult-like behaviors I was seeing all around me. Frankly, it would not be an exaggeration to say that I credit Ms. Margoles with saving this Jew from being just another "off the derech" statistic. She reintroduced me to the beauty of our great religion. G-d bless her!

Although, as observant Jews, we believe all Jews are important and that we would like all those who are observant to remain that way, we should not get despondent because there might be a significant number who drift away from observance. The fact that Orthodox Judaism is thriving today, in the wake of the Holocaust, which brought many to question their faith, and in a society whose materialist, post-Modern values are at odds with traditional Jewish values, is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes.
This book points out many failings in the Orthodox world which push many people out, and the author seems to be on the right track in identifying what these are. However, I think she misses a couple of important points. One is that she believes, correctly, that a mitzva-observant Jew should not view Judaism simply as a "faith-community" , but that a Jew is a member of group which is daily working to bring redemption to the Jewish people and Mankind as a whole. However, in super-materialist America, this view gets lost. That is why I think she should have emphasized the importance of Eretz Israel to the observant Jew more in her study. She does praise Religious Zionists for their committment to Eretz Israel, but the fact is that it is my observation that the daily struggles Israel faces in the world today makes an impression on the observant Jews and gives them a greater feeling of responsibility for their actions than do observant Jews living outside Israel. In other words, the realization that the mitzvot that every Jew performs plays a direct role in affecting the lives of one's fellow Jews in Israel. This just isn't perceived the same way outside Eretz Israel and this does affect the way Jews outside Israel view their Jewish observance, and their fellow Jews, in a negative way.

The second point I think she does not bring out so well regards a well-known educational "trick" of rewriting and distorting history to convince the students that, up until recently, all Orthodox Jews were Tzaddikim (righteous) and that religious life in Eastern Europe was idyllic. She mentions, for example, airbrushing photographs of famous Rabbis from Eastern Europe to show them wearing a hat when they didn't actually go around with one, and their wives with haircoverings, when in fact, many religious women in Lithuania didn't wear one. She also mentions how the biographies of famous Rabbis of the past are "edited" to remove mention of mistakes they might have made, or politically-incorrent stands they may have advocated (e.g. non-Zionist schools may try to pretend that great Rabbis condemned the Zionist movement when in fact they supported it). She points out, correctly, that doing this revision of history can backfire when the student finds out the truth and he then may ask himself "what else did they lie to me about?". This is a utilitarian approach. I would say rather that religious education should emphasize the truth as a value in and of itself, and that if their are flaws in our religious trend or our leaders, we should be the first to recognize them and to try to correct them.

Having said this, the writer should be congratulated on doing such a thorough study on this matter and her conclusions, are by-and-large, correct. We can all learn a lot from this important study.

The children in my family are all active within the Jewish community and the world at large - social work, the rabbinate, youth organization leader, etc etc. I not only recommended that they read "Off the Derech" - I feel it is mandatory reading for ANY Orthodox Jew. I confess I did not agree with all of the author's conclusions, but her thoughtful approach and attempt at deep analysis are not only meritorious, they force the reader to reevaluate him/herself and one's own approach to various tenets of Judaism as well -- even if one is very much *on* the derech and without conflict.

This is a comprehensively researched, very well-written, and accessible book about some of the problems in the Jewish Orthodox community. However, it doesn't just list problems. For each problem, it also lists real solutions for helping Orthodox Judaism keep its young from drifting off and getting lost.