this hee-larious, poignant, candid, awesome book is an absolute must for anyone needing inspiration and/or permission to go at their wedding the way they want with limited guilt from the usual suspects. when i crossed the line from "ultimate-vision-of-this-really-cool-thing-i-get-to-plan-and-be-the-star-of" to "reality-on-a-budget", it got intense: the guest list was becoming too large for the venue, my mom declared she would not drink out of the jelly jars we were planning to provide for libation receptacles, and one too many emails came from a bridal dress behemoth asking me to on come in and have a look at more poufy white dresses and, while supplies lasted, get a free heart pendant for the trip. (???)
we thought the time between our christmas eve engagement and planning a july 2007 garden wedding at my folk's place would be a snap. catering business friends were found with relative ease; books were ordered; magazines were bought, cut up, and taped onto construction paper for inspiration; wedding shows dutifully attended; spreadsheets created; advice freely asked and given... and i found my spirit becoming thoroughly crushed--asking myself, "isn't this supposed to be fun? i've got the man with whom i want to spend the rest of my life, my party dress, and a photo booth rented, so what's with the rest of this? who cares about renting freakin' linens and coordinating table runners? and...is the yard too lumpy with too steep an incline to seat people on those rental chairs we looked at? quick! sequester the elders on the deck so they don't fall off the bluff and/or break a hip!"
while too many well-intentioned wedding books sidestep the true purpose of a wedding, ariel brings back the humanity and the, "it takes a village" approach to this too oft commercialized, desensitizing industry. she focuses on the dearly loved communities two people are bringing together to celebrate this really awesome thing--AND have a party, look fabulous and gratefully accept gifts even though it can feel a little awkward for an offbeat couple. she provides her own wonderful chronicle alongside other brides' tales down the aisle, plus scads of great quick tips in each chapter. be prepared for copious amounts of f*-bombs dropped and particularly raw prose in some places--it's absolutely delicious.
for me, much of the book's cred is based on her ability to put her cards on the table and demonstrate that she came out all the better for her offbeat efforts. she urges the reader to figure out what they want, budget for what's important (e.g. photographer) and improvise on the not-so-important (matching cups? nooo--muglies!). most importantly, she talks about the (mostly) ups and (some) downs of asking for the help of your peeps (alternately, knowing how/when to graciously put your foot down and say "no"), as this is an amazing way to 1.) get things done 2.) let new and unexpected things pop up in the midst of it all, and 3.) forge new and/or greater bonds with the people you are asking to participate not only in the events/tasks leading up to your wedding day, but hopefully the rest of your lives.
ultimately, this book gave me an overall feeling of empowerment and being okay with our coupled nuttiness. yes, planning an offbeat wedding can be much more involved, complex, and emotional than paying someone else to do it for you, but it's also a great opportunity to involve your respective circles of loved ones and make it that much more meaningful. ariel seems to say, "put the energy out there and it will come back to you in the most meaningful, unpredictable ways." once i unleashed the creative, offbeat delegate in me, amazing things started happening...
my grandpa, unbeknownst to us, began cruising the grocery store sales for cake mix and is already planning his spring/summer garage sale strategy for whatever we'll still need; people have taken me aside to dish that they are saving jelly jars for our beverage table; we decided to get a personalized, stemless "MOB" [mother of the bride] wine glass for my non-jelly jar mom; my fiancé's dear friends who are carpenters agreed to help us build an arch we could move to our own garden after the ceremony, people have quit bugging me about my decision to keep 'all that is printed' in lowercase, and...we have chosen to have specifically non-dairy food options since the majority of my family is lactose intolerant (for the lactose-riddled dishes, we have selected to put bowls of Lactaid with a spoon and a "milk pills!" sign, much like the look of dinner mints, but not). why? because it's important to us and it's our day to plan the things that matter to us. and, most people will have likely forgotton their dairy supplements, so we're really doing everyone a favor there...
