I'm Okay, You're a Brat!: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood [Paperback]

Susan Jeffers Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 1580632025 | ISBN-13: 978-1580632027 | Publication Date: July 13, 2001 | Edition: 1st

In this refreshingly honest book, bestselling author Dr. Susan Jeffers breaks the conspiracy of silence, pulling no punches when she details how difficult parenthood can be. With humor and compassion she uncovers the guilt traps set for parents by many child-care experts. She questions the myths and half-truths that make parents feel inadequate and offers valuable survival tools for those whose kids are driving them crazy.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Whether you are already a parent or just suspect you will be one someday, I'm Okay, You're a Brat is sure to change your perceptions about the responsibility. With individual chapters devoted to topics such as full-time parenting, breastfeeding, custody in case of divorce, and remaining childfree, the realism presented will shatter any remaining illusions you may be harboring. Determined to explode the myth of continually joyous parenting, author Susan Jeffers replaces it with a more realistic view of the life changes and emotional difficulties associated with such a long term and essentially thankless task. Jeffers accomplishes this by emphasizing the difference between loving your children and actually enjoying parenting them, a difference that is rarely examined in this age of guilty, overworked parents.

Peppered with quotes from parents, researchers, and her earlier works (Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and End the Struggle and Dance with Life), the first chapters may come as a bit of a shock to parents not able to freely admit to the daily struggle of parenting--while there are most definitely rewards, who among us enjoys being spit up on? Where's the fun in attending soccer matches when soccer bores you to tears? Who loves parenting when the child just dented the new car and broke curfew? Jeffers insists it's time to openly talk about the downside of parenting--the loss of privacy, lack of sleep, financial struggles, and the instantaneous guilt felt by the majority of parents whenever they attempt to express these downer feelings. Often funny, and always thought provoking, you'll feel quickly reassured that you are not a bad parent for feeling this way--in fact, by freeing yourself from the good/bad parent complex, you may ultimately find greater personal fulfillment both as an individual and as a parent. --Jill Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Brilliant! A brave and revolutionary book that dares to confront many of our long-cherished beliefs about parenthood and parenting." --Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Emotional Blackmail

"An excellent investment! If you read it before you have children, it may change your life. If you read it after you have children, it may save you years of therapy." --Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of Why Men Are the Way They Are and Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

"Many welcome suprises await the reader of this marvelously honest book! I heatily recommend it! It will remove any guilt and confusion you may be having about so many aspects of parenthood...whether you are a parent or not." --Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Renaissance Books; 1st edition (July 13, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580632025
• ISBN-13: 978-1580632027
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #930,193 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars FANTASTIC, January 23, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: I'm Okay, You're a Brat!: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood (Paperback)

This book is controversial and will strike at the emotions of most who read it. It seems most things to do with parenting fall into this category! I felt its main attempt was to bring parents together in a "lets not lay blame or guilt, lets tell the truth about kids and parenting and try and help one another". As a mother, I mourn my freedom, my privacy and my hard-earned dollars. But I mostly regret that everyone told me how amazingly fulfilling and fun mothering is. For years I wondered what was wrong with ME if everyone else enjoyed this unique experience 24/7! I asked my partner how he would feel if he had to be at work 24/7, no pay, no holidays, loads of guilt, no pats on the back and constantly dealing with people who argue, make a mess and have no respect for privacy. His answer: "I'd quit". My answer: "I can't". For anyone considering this 'job', read the book and don't say I didn't tell you!!

58 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!, January 6, 2003

By 

"mfree1973" (Victoria, Texas USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I'm Okay, You're a Brat!: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood (Hardcover)

Thank you Dr.Jeffers for this book. I have been childfree (not childless) but I constantly get asked "When are you going to have children". My husband and I just haven't felt the desire strong enough to actually intentionally have children. But, since I am the woman, I am the one burden with the questions, mostly by mothers wondering when I will be joining their "elite" society of motherhood. And why would I not want to join their wonderful world of no sleep, changing diapers, breastfeeding, and never again have a moment to myself to enjoy my life, let alone pee? I am not ready to make those sacrifices and I may never be. According to Dr. Jeffers, that's okay. Some people are just not cut out to be parents and the reasons to have kids aren't any better than the reasons not to. It is your decision because your the one who has to make the sacrifices, not your parents or anyone else. This book reaffirmed that I am not ready and I am entitled to make my own decision.

Additional note: For those who think someone else's reproductive agenda is your business, you are incorrect. It is very rude to ask the wife or the husband when they plan to have children. It is none of your business and they would appreciate you not inquiring.

44 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a life-saver!, August 2, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: I'm Okay, You're a Brat!: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood (Hardcover)

For those of us who have struggled and felt incredible guilt for our negative feelings about parenthood, at last, we realize that we are not alone, nor are we bad, we are just human. Yes, this book tells the downside about parenting. As Dr. Jeffers states at the beginning of the book, that was its purpose. There is already too much out there telling us that becoming a parent is the most "fulfilling" thing we can do in life. For some of us, this is true. But for some of us, this simply is not true.

The author describes what changes occur in your life once a child is born. She is absolutely right on that score. And for some of us, it isn't a pretty sight. For would-be parents, this is a God-send, and for those of us already in the fray it is reassuring to know that we aren't crazy for wondering where our adult life went.

What I was most impressed with was her talking about the "mad myths of parenthood" and the guilt-gurus who do their best to make us feel guilty. It all makes so much sense. By the way, this book should definitely be read by men as the author points out how sexist the world is when it comes to men and their children. It also reaffirms how important men are to the lives of their children.

I closed the book realizing how much we are brainwashed about the ideas of parenthood and how important it is to think for ourselves. I also came away feeling that my children have their own course, their own calling, and that, while it was important for me to do my best to give them loving care (whatever that means for each of us), I must let go of the outcome. There are so many factors that affect them body, mind and soul. We all have to learn what those factors are and get involved in helping society move toward a more loving place.

For anyone out there thinking about having a child or wanting to remain childfree, this book is a must. For those of us who already have children, it is a ray of hope and a source of peace of mind.