Customer Reviews

Older Child Adoption

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4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I was glad to read this book AFTER adopting two older children but would hesitate to recommend it right away to individuals considering adopting older kids. The author adopted 3 older children herself and interviewed 17 other adoptive families for this book. Her book is full of true scenarios about family life with older adoptees, and many of them are horror strories about kids with severe behavior problems. (Some of these stories are repeated more than once in different sections of the book, reinforcing the problem aspect of older child adoption.) I had to wonder if the author, Robinson, has described her own experience under the pseudonym of "Hope Walker," a case example in the book, whose 3 adopted children all needed extensive residential care. It would seem her purpose in writing the book is to make a case for the necessity of strong/er supports for people who adopt older children (a stance with which I agree), rather than to provide basic info. for prospective adoptive parents and offer the hope that at least some older adopted children heal and begin to thrive in their adoptive families. (Robinson suggests that kids adopted by their first or second set of foster parents tend to do much better than kids having more placements.) It would have been helpful to find out how Robinson drew her sample of other adoptive families. It seemed to me to be less representative of the gamut of older child adoption experiences than it was cautionary of potential dangers. I also would have liked a summary at the end of the book, indicating how the kids described in the book are functioning currently, or as adults. That kind of info. might have provided a balancing factor, showing that issues treated in childhood or adolescence can lead to healthier functioning in the future. Chapter 8 was outstanding, offering advice on the educational and therapeutic needs of many older adopted children. I'd like to see it used as part of the required training for prospective foster and adoptive parents. We've come a long way from the days of Claudia Jewett's book on older child adoption, which presented ideal (and fictitious) case studies in which problems were not severe and fairly fleeting. Robinson's book may be more realistic, but I found Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck more helpful and reassuring, and more representative of the spectrum of what one may encounter in adopting an older child.

Wow.....my husband and I just started our home study for an older child adoption, and this is the first book we read on the subject. Grace Robinson is very discouraging. She provides NO redeaming reasons why anybody would want to adopt an older child. However, the book prompted us to have many long conversations about this searious endeavour we are undertaking, weather our marriage and extended family could handle adoption, etc. It encouraged us to look for even more books on the subject, and seek an adoptive parent's club for more perspective.

Grace, paints a rather grim picture of what is to come, however, I think many of these are some worst case issues. If the Parent or Parents are informed on the child's issues and have done the needed research on each issue, as well as on what they want and need then it can work out great. Esp if you put the child's needs first, and that is one thing Grace does touch on! The child must be the most important thing in your life at that time. How many parents would hold a 12 yr old and give her a bottle, but with RAD, that is one of the bonding issues, and a way to help the bonding... If this book did not scare you away, then take the next step and start the process of adpting an older child.

This book is the best I have read, addressing the special demands of adopting older children. It reads very easily and is both challenging and truthful and also encouraging. I found it much better than Adopting the Older Child, by Jewett (personally) and a great companion book to Adopting the Hurt Child by Keck.

While not a good book to read for direct advice, it is very useful if parents read between the lines. The book focuses on the negative aspects of adopting older children, usually using personal anecdotes and horror stories to illustrate the author's points, and almost always placing the blame on the adopted children. While I didn't find any of the information useful or practical, it is an excellent tool for what not to do. In many of the anecdotes, it is easy to see how the parents' responses to difficult behavior only serve to exacerbate the behavior. Pairing this book with Parenting the Hurt Child or Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky will give you insight into how parenting styles and responses affect children's attachment and behavior.