55 of 57 people found the following review helpful
on November 28, 2002
Felicia Brings and Susan Winter demolish the myths surrounding non-traditional love relationships in Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance. Brings and Winter say that older women/younger men relationships are "often met with extreme criticism, censure and scorn, and are rejected by the couple's friends and family members."
They've packed their book with stories of how couples can overcome the stigma and difficulties associated with non-traditional relationships. They interviewed dozens of couples willing to share their experiences in building lasting relationships. They also describe the common pitfalls that can destroy a loving alliance, and offer experienced advice on how to avoid those pitfalls.
Brings and Winter say that older women/younger men relationships are more prevalent than the average person realizes, but that many couples tend to keep their personal lives hidden from a disapproving public.
Older women and younger men, like most other couples, are attracted to one another for a variety of reasons, including sexual desire. Younger men like the fact that most mature women know who they are and what they want--they have a strong sense of identity. Unlike older men, younger men have grown up in a culture that encourages self-awareness and emotional expression--they realize their role in a relationship is more than providing economic stability. Older women and younger men currently have the ability to forge truly intimate relationships based on trust.
Men and women today have more options available to them than ever before. Older Women, Younger Men offers support and encouragement for those selecting less-conventional options. It's also an essential reference that will help friends and family understand why more and more younger men and older women are choosing each other as their lifetime partners.
42 of 44 people found the following review helpful
on May 5, 2003
Older Women, Younger Men is a brilliant read. It gives newfound freedom for women AND men to live their lives the way they want, without the censorship of society, family and friends. I first read about it in Good Housekeeping and was amazed at the honesty of these women authors. Since then, they've been all over, on ABC Evening News, Daily News, USA Today and much more, quickly becoming the key spokesperson's on this subject. They're pioneers! This book gives you tons of tips to navigate through unchartered territories, from jealous friends and mother-in-laws, to older men who hate the idea that older women are taking on what they've been doing for years - which is, be with who you want to be with. Older women are staying beautiful much longer and have power and money to make new choices. Hurray for Brings and Winter for telling the story straight about NEW OPTIONS for a new generation. The book gives countless examples of relationships that worked with age differences ten to fifteen years apart. You see early on from their articulate writing that it's not about age, it's about chemistry, timing and courage. Well, writing this book took courage and it's making a difference on the planet. Praise to both women and this book. Rush out and buy it!
42 of 45 people found the following review helpful
on November 9, 2000
This book is brilliant!
I'm a younger man who is delighted to see older women embrace their sexuality instead of deny it, and draw strength from experience rather than regret it. Judging from a chapter called "Men Speak," I'm not alone.
Brings and Winter offer advice on a wide variety of topics from overcoming self doubts to overcoming the negative stereotypes the couple may encounter. Not only do they speak from personal experience, but they've conducted hundreds of interviews to support their conclusions.
With a title like "Older Women, Younger Men," you might think the book is sensationalized (in fact, the title's why I picked it up!), but the point of the book really is down to earth -- to help men and women broaden their pool of potential partners. Because of the warm, conversational style in which this book is written -- with its humor and anecdotal digressions -- it's easy to forget how important this book is: it is a manual designed to break down social restrictions to love. As the authors write, the world needs more love not less.
And anything that helps us do that belongs on all of our bookshelves!
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
on February 20, 2007
This book covers the challenges and benefits of a type of relationship not often seen or understood - that of the older woman and the younger man. The authors interviewed numerous older woman/younger man couples for the book. Although some of the interviewees are women in their 30s, the book is geared more toward women in their 40s and 50s who are dating men more than 10 years younger than themselves. It covers everything from managing comments from strangers, dealing with disapproving friends and family, handling insecurity and fear, to more everyday issues such as who pays, what to do when you make more money than he does, how to avoid playing mommy, etc.
The most interesting part of this book is that it focuses on intimate relationships. It is NOT a "cougar" book that advises women to find young studs for hot sex. Instead, it encourages women to simply be open to younger men, and shows women that true intimacy and commitment can be found with younger men. And, as a 30-something who has dated several men in their 20s, I can personally say that the authors' points all ring true. If you are interested in a younger man, pick up this book, and give the relationship a chance.
26 of 28 people found the following review helpful
on March 3, 2002
My fiancee is 8 years older than me. I got the book for her and she was a little shocked at first. After she started reading it she couldn't put it down. She wouldn't even pickup the John Grisham book I got her. The book helped with lots of issues for us. She has a very high intellect (she's a clinical psychologist, and has written several books herself!) and doesn't bother with trashy books. This is not one. Its excellent. The book is written primarily around couples where the female is at least ten years older but I highly recommend it. Very useful in our relationship. My thanks to the authors.
29 of 33 people found the following review helpful
on May 5, 2003
I have been in several relationships with older women. As a 37 year old who prefers the company of an older woman, I must give this book a "must have" rating. This book addresses the concerns that many older women have when it comes to overcoming any initial hesitation with regard to dating gentlemen that are younger than themselves.
I cannot tell you men that find yourself in similar positions as myself that when an older women says she's not interested in dating younger guys its because they've got some preconceived notions that doing so would be in appropriate or based on misinformation gathered from anecdotal information from their friends.
I have, and I suggest you do so as well, that you either suggest that they take a look at this book (my copy is well-worn from seeing much use) or loan them a copy to review. This has set some women at ease with their fears and put those fears to rest. As a read of this book will show you, both men and women, those fears are generally based upon half-truths and social misconceptions about what is "right" when it comes to dating in our society.
So guys, don't let a woman that is older than you say "no" to a serious relationship with her until she reads this book. Or at least gives it a "once over." And guys, take this book to heart as it'll help you to understand where she is coming from with her initial skepticism and empower you to help her through with understanding why any initial skepticism ought to be put aside and give you an opportunity to show her that age really has nothing to do having a serious relationship at all!
Keep up the good work Felecia and Susan!
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
on September 8, 2000
This is an excellent guide to forming an "older woman/younger man" relationship. It encourages readers to question social expectations about romantic relationships. It also supplies these atypical couples with good advice for facing any criticism that they may receive from family members or so-called friends. Winter and Brings deliver their helpful information in the spirit of feminism, encouraging all mature women to explore all of their options before embracing widowhood, abstinence, or marrying an old fuddy-duddy. This was definitely worth my money: it motivated me--a 40 year old woman--to transform a platonic friendship with a younger man into a passionate relationship!
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on July 7, 2008
I was in the library and I came across this book. Something told me to read it even though I do not have a younger boyfriend and was not seeking one.
I am glad I did. I gained some confidence in men. As a single 41 year old woman, I've had many much older men who do not match me physically come onto me. While I am always compassionate about age issues, I also felt turned off by their arrogance. Why is this OK? Why do they not think twice? Women are not like this. Older women do not prey upon younger men,they have descretion. As the authors say, a man can be balding, impotent, with a big belly and no style whatsoever and still think they are God's gift to women. Just a few weeks ago I've had this kind of man come onto me. Why don't they choose women of their own age? Why do they think they are better than the great women of their own age? It sickens me sometimes.
This book gave me faith that there are men out there who are not ogres. There are men who do not want a younger women just for the sake of a younger women. Men who love women who are older, and love them for who they are. Men who are love smart, successful, accomplished women. Men who care more about the connection than whether or not she is a trophy.
A couple times in the book I was almost moved to tears. While so many relationships are based upon a trade off...you give me money and security and I'll give you beauty and sex, most of the relationships in this book were based on real love. You could feel it. It was so refreshing to learn of these relationships. I had thought they were practically non-existent. I have to say, I was quite ignorant about these kinds of relationships and now am happily informed.
Having the belief that most men always go younger, I was feeling despair that my only chance at love was with an older man who I was not attracted to. As someone who keeps her self up, does yoga, and has style...this felt bleak to me. Now I know better. Now I know to be open to a younger man if the opportunity presents itself.
Thank you ladies...you did women a great service by writing this life-affirming, age/sex positive book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
20 of 23 people found the following review helpful
on June 25, 2001
We thought we were the only ones until we read your book.Iwish so much I had your book at the start of our live together.We our married now and have went though all the things in your book,but now we have something to help us get though they things.We have lost love ones and hope someday they will come back but we will not give up our happiness for them.Thank you for a wonderfull book which will always be in our home.My husband is 25 and i'm 56 We have asked the ones that think we are crazy to please read the book and we hope they will and it helps them understand numbers are just that numbers and love has no number beside it. Thank you and please keep writing you made a big different in our life.Sandy
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
on October 9, 2004
Found this book interesting,easy to read and informative. Enjoyed the reports from others who have been involved in this type relationship. If you are looking for some positive feedbackfor the case of older women and younger men you will find it in this book. Also, points out some of the problems that can occur. I'm glad I read it.