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Omelet: A Tragedy of Bill Shake-a-speare [Kindle Edition]

David M. Brown

Kindle Price: $3.49
 
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Book Description

To read or not to read....

If the Bard is sacred to you, either avoid this parody--a scene-by-scene mangled echo of "Hamlet"--at all costs or download it for your guilty e-reading pleasure whatever the cost (fortunately, it's just $3.49). 35,000 words.

From OMELET:

POLTROONIUS: A few principles to guide thine acts is all. Here's the first. When in mixed company, don't babble, but be bold; restrained, not cold. When in company kind the like bewhich befriend, do not incur a devil pitch for stirrup to thy switch in sooth for brine. Be familiar, not a chum; courteous, not a crumb; or rather several crumbs but not a cake because that will...not a cake, no not, and never bundling bake. Never.

LIARTES: Father...that's good...I've got to get on that ship...that's great advice...

POLTROONIUS: Do not confer with ruthless curs for that will seem unsound. Do not a comely maiden ever pork upon the ground. Do not besmirk a jolly jerk his fumbling awkward frown. When beaten in a boxing match, avoid another round. If a king should lose his head, pray up his soul—then snag his crown. Rarely write a letter unless a courier's around. Nor promulgate a premise that could evolve into a menace. If your teeth turn bad, your gums all red, hie thee to a dentist. Neither a borrower nor a saver-and-loaner be, unless you've got collateral—and a big fat fee. Most of all, to thine own self be true, and it must followeth as dusk follow dawn that thou canst not then be false to—

LIARTES: Look, look, I have really, really, have really got to go!

Product Details

  • File Size: 337 KB
  • Print Length: 195 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0063T8WOI
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,185,744 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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