The U.S. has experienced a dramatic increase in births to unmarried women in recent decades--from 4% of births in 1950, with most of the babies then adopted, to more than 30% today. Melissa Ludtke's book is the only in-depth analysis of this radical change in family formation to compare and contrast the lives of these mothers of varying ages and economic circumstances.
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Amazon.com Review
At the heart of the national debate about "family values" is the population of women who become mothers without first becoming wives. Some critics regard them as monsters, others as brave alternatives to traditional American families. Regardless of the way they're perceived, hundreds of thousands of unmarried women begin families each year. With a reporter's zeal (author Melissa Ludtke is a former correspondent for Time magazine, where her articles--including more than 20 cover stories--focused on family and children), an analyst's thirst for research, and a personal involvement with its subjects, the book is a compelling blend of stories and social commentary.
While much commented upon, unmarried mothers themselves rarely comment on their status, and Ludtke has gathered interviews of women from all rungs on the socioeconomic ladder, from teenagers to fortysomethings. The result is a thought-provoking and timely study that covers complicated issues and offers a forge-ahead attitude to choices often considered unconventional, such as donor insemination--its history and the issues it raises--and adoption. Discussions about accidental and intentional pregnancy, plus true-life stories alternating between the two sets of mothers--teens and older adults--represent only a portion of the ground covered. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
From Library Journal
More than one million babies are born to single mothers each year. Although some of those mothers are teenagers, a growing number are women in their thirties and forties who do not see a man in their future. Ludtke, a journalist considering single parenthood, interviewed mothers in both groups as well as psychologists, politicians, and social scientists to gain insight into this trend. Despite the vastly different circumstances of the two groups, she found many common concerns. Both face criticism from society, dealing with the absence of a father, and juggling the responsibilities of parenting with those of work and/or school. While Jane Mattes's Single Mothers by Choice (LJ 6/15/94) deals only with the practical aspects of parenting and Naomi Miller's Single Parents by Choice: A Growing Trend in Family Life (Plenum, 1992) offers social analysis of older mothers, Ludtke's work is unique in its comparison of younger and older mothers. The interesting interviews and extensive bibliography make this a fine addition to all collections. Highly recommended.?Barbara M. Bibel, Oakland P.L., Cal.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
35 of 37 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I was disappointed when I read the book because the author only concentrates on teenage moms and successful older women who decided to have a baby once they achieved the highlight of their career.
I am a single, unwed mom and I don't fit in either of these two categories. I was 25 when I had my daughter. I got pregnant non intentionally but decided to keep the baby although it ruined the relationship with her father. I am neither poor nor rich. I simply couldn't find myself in the book and I believe there are many other cases like mine.
I am a single, unwed mom and I don't fit in either of these two categories. I was 25 when I had my daughter. I got pregnant non intentionally but decided to keep the baby although it ruined the relationship with her father. I am neither poor nor rich. I simply couldn't find myself in the book and I believe there are many other cases like mine.
34 of 42 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I heard about this book from a number of people before I actually read it. The premise is good - let's learn about single mothers by talking with them and finding out what they really think - but the delivery was a disappointment. Ludtke's words about teenage mothers basically serve to reinforce the two stereotypes we have of them: overwhelmed, with poor parenting skills and no hope for the future, or "supermom", working a fulltime job and going to college fulltime and getting 4 hours of sleep a night. The message, either way, is "They aren't like us", and how can we fix "them"?
The chapters featuring "older mothers", who typically gave birth in their late thirties using donor sperm, made me simply shake my head in frustration. We go from the struggling 18 year old trying to raise a child on $400 a month to the spoiled older single mother griping because her fancy private school wouldn't give her need-based financial aide - apparently her 6-figure income makes her ineligible. Puh-lease!
And, of course, a third of the single mothers in this country (like me) are left out. Women who became single mothers in their twenties are simply left out, as if our experience doesn't matter. Or perhaps we're harder to package into a neat stereotype?
This book was slow-going at times, I think the author could have cut 100 pages without any loss of information. I was also amused at her self-professed inability to understand simple statistics, it does little for her credibility. This said, there are some interesting people in this book, and perhaps reading the first 10 pages of each long chapter is worthwhile.
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
In "On Our Own" Melissa Ludtke, a professional journalist, sets out to uncover the experiences of "unmarried mothers" in America for a very personal reason. She is in her late 30s and struggling with the decision to become a mother herself. In a series of alternating chapters, Ludtke discusses the experiences of two disparate groups of unmarried mothers, young, poor women and older, more financially secure women. Three key questions guide the core of this book, why to have a baby, how to raise children and ways to explain the absence or anonymity of "fathers." The book is based on interviews with 30 women with whom Ludtke visited repeatedly over the course of several years. The introductory chapter and the conclusion provide an overview of the status of unmarried motherhood in America and Ludtke deftly interweaves scholarly research about unmarried mothers into her book. However, Ludtke has sidestepped many of the traditional pitfalls in discussing this controversial issue by focusing on individual women who confound ...typical generalizations. Her subjects include a teen mother attending an Ivy League school and an older professional woman whose best-laid plans go awry when she is laid off suddenly.
Perhaps the most striking aspect of this book is how unrelenting difficult unmarried motherhood really is. Dispirited teen mothers and successful professional women alike struggle to fit their families into a society that still assumes the nuclear family is the norm. While these mothers share their travails with divorced custodial parents, they live with the knowledge, and sometimes societal condemnation, that they chose this route. Parenting alone is a best second choice for almost all of the 30 women Ludtke interviewed. While few of the teen mothers desired marriage to the men who impregnated them, they work diligently to include the biological fathers in the lives of their children with varying degrees of success. The knowledge that "father" will be an anonymous sperm donor plagues many of the thirty-something women to such an extent that several have engineered ways to have a known father in their child's life while others have found father substitutes.
Ludtke avoids the question of whether women should pursue unmarried motherhood by compiling a statistical projections that show that by the year 2004, unmarried mothers will reach 50%. So whether society is ready for them or not, it needs to start preparing to meet their needs. She focuses most of her suggestions on young unmarried mothers who may be less able to care for themselves. While this approach may anger those who wish for a more polemical ending, it is very in keeping with Ludtke's balanced approach throughout the book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Sloppy Research of Dubious value
Having written and completed a graduate level study on black teenage pregnancy, I was very interested in what this author might have to say about the issue. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Herbert L Calhoun
an in-depth look at a emotionally complicated subject
ON OUR OWN examines two groups of unmarried mothers, who are increasing in numbers every year. The author brings together solid research and some insightful interviews with... Read more
Published on February 6, 2006 by Joan Molly O'Dell
An 'Elle' magazine review by Lousa Kamps
Melissa Ludtke, author On Our Own, title I have found this review in Elle magazine in the september or october issue. Read more
Published on December 11, 1997
A very real & moving looking at single moms.
I found this book to be a very interesting and quick read. By looking at each group independently, Ms. Read more
Published on October 7, 1997
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