Customer Reviews

Once Around the Realms (Forgotten Realms)

5 star:		(0)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

I feel guilty writing a review of a book that I could not bear to read in its entirity, but doesn't that describe how bad this so-called novel was?! Apparently this author thinks that if he writes in enough fleeting appearances of every popular FR character into his story then he'll have an FR novel. There was no attempt at creating a substantial plot, there was only meaningless chance encounter after chance encounter with other authors' characters. Even if the reader can accept the sheer implausibility that these famous encounters could happen one after the other, the reader would have to be disappointed by Thomsen's misuse of these people. What was he trying to accomplish? Why not develop Volo's character (he could use some) instead of butchering those that other more capable authors have so carefully constructed.

I enjoy the Forgotten Realms, but I suggest to all who also like the realms, avoid this book! Volo has been used in a series of roleplaying aids to help us get to know the realms, and those books have been very successful - they are well written and useful - and weren't written by Brian Thomsen.

Brian steals other people's characters and other people's plots (this could've been called "80 days around the realms") and drags the readers through a series of chance encounters with almost every character ever written about in the realms.

I wish I hadn't finished it, but I wanted to see if the novel had any redeeming features. No, I didn't find any.

Brian, if you are going to inflict us with your writing, at least try to be original!

Far too full of trite in-jokes, token character appearances (some of them completely butchering characters who have been well-developed elsewhere) and a stupid, unconvincing plot, this work is entirely a waste of paper. If anyone other than a high-up at TSR had written it, it would never have been published.

I don't know if there is enough space to list all of the awful things about this book. Ignoring the fact that the book is written on an elementary school level, and the fact that I have never read another book with more annoying and vapid characters, consider the very real problem of plagiarism. How did this book get published? I can't believe the editors themselves weren't tearing their hair out by the end of the novel. Why does the author feel the need to give two different titles to each chapter (some of which are only two or three pages long)? The author's attempts to be clever are appalling, but that isn't even the worst part. I was disgusted by his unfaithful portrayal of some of the most famous characters in the realms. I mean, the popular Drizzt Do'Urden shown as melancholy and homesick? A paladin helping a criminal escape from jail? I don't think so. I think I am now dumber for having read this stupid book. Save your time and your money for something more interesting--like staring into blank space for five hours.

This is, without a doubt, the worst-written fantasy book I have ever had the misfortune to read. The fourth-grade plot basically goes out of its way to incorporate old jokes and bad puns - the sort you find inside bubblegum wrappers! I would suggest that time would be better spent reading two of the Forgotten Realms Series' "superstar" authors: R.A. Salvatore and Elaine Cunningham. Everything they write is a late-night page turner.

This isn't just one of the worst Forgotten Realms books , it's one of the Worst books period! That was money and time that I will never get back. I'm surprised Mr. Thomsen hasn't been sued for plagiarism. This is a total disgrace. Stealing "Around the word in 80 days" and attempting some pathetic intergration with the campaign guide. I'm not sure if it's just the writers ineptitude or the publisher trying to swindle us. In either case they both should be ashamed of themselves. I only wish Amazon would let me rate this in the negatives. I'd give it - 10 stars. Save your self some pain and skip this garbage.

Once Around the Realms is based on (if not outright plagiarized) Jules Verne's novel Around the World in Eighty Days. Why, I have no idea!
The book describes Volothamp Geddarm's travels as he, escorted by his companions, journeys across the Realms meeting new, and often familiar, characters.
Once Around the Realms takes the reader to several different destinations across the Realms, including Faerun, the Hordelands, Kara-Tur, and Maztica, though the regions' rich history, and that feeling of excitement and adventure is pretty much missing/absent from this book.
Volothamp Geddarm, the renowned traveller and author is forced through the use of magic to undertake the task of having to travel around Toril dropping magical jewels along the way (!), and yet what we encounter is beyond what any of us could have imagined due to the sheer lameness of the plot, making the book one of the worst Forgotten Realms novels to-date.
It is indeed a rare occasion when a weak Forgotten Realms novel gets published: namely The Night Parade, Soldiers of Ice, Murder in Cormyr, and Murder in Halruaa.
Specifically:
1) The poor style of writing resulting in some pretty tedious reading and in great difficulty in concentrating and staying focused. It really does very little to keep the readers' interest. Badly written, it fails on all levels. Basing the story on the novel Around the World in Eighty Days was just a bad idea resulting in a major flop.
2) There is a big part of the book missing as Volo is in and out of all these different locations unrealistically fast (and safe) even for a magical world.
3) Passepout simply does not belong in this book. He seems totally out of place. Enough already with the always starving sex addict who always gets turned down (and all the while his parents are rotting away in a Baldur's Gate prison). It's not funny or interesting. A different character would have been much better if only the plot was any good. The rest of the characters are also very weak.
4) Brian Thomsen' moronic choice of vocabulary e.g. "`Amen,' said Volo" (p.97) I had no idea that Judeo-Christianity had infiltrated the Realms. Similarly, a Tethyrian mercenary that talks like a teenager using the word `whatever' (p.231) or a native of Maztika saying "I took this baby out for a spin" (p.235) or a dwarf that uses the word `neat' (p.123)! Are you kidding?
5) The encounter at Myth Drannor (pp.45-56) was not realistic as there was no real sense of danger conveyed to the reader; the party entered and left too easily with no sign of undead, Baatezu, or Tanar'ri.
6) The silly coincidences and ridiculous encounters like the farcical escape from Aleekhan's camp with the tribe's four best/fastest stallions and the hostage... or Storm Silverhand taking the pair into her home (p.63)?... or the ridiculous rescue by Drizzt Do'Urden in the middle of the ocean (pp.244-245)! REALLY!!!
7) Brian Thomsen choosing and using annoying silly names throughout the book. WHY??? Is there a shortage of names? The `Minnow' (p.122) and `seven castaways' (p.123) in an uncalled reference to Gilligan's Island (!), `Aleekhan' as opposed to `Ali Khan' (p.160), the pathetic `Reeta-hayworth' and `Khan' artist jokes on p.164, `Amistad's Bounty' and `Balding Quaestor' (p.99), and of course `Ffogg' (p.121).
8) Who is Eo???
9) Unintelligent jokes (with connotations) like "It's not healthy to drink the water in Faerun." (p.235)
10) Drizzt Do'Urden (of all people) opening up to Volo: on p.249 he speaks about his past regarding his home city of Menzoberranzan and on p.250 he says "I can never truly go home again," while making reference to his "it was only Guenhwyvar" (p.250)

Brian Thomsen should at least have read a Forgotten Realms novel before attempting to write one, or he at least should have had the decency to turn down the offer for lack of knowledge or ability to do so. However, since he did end up writing it, how and why was this book allowed to hit the printing press and then the stores? Thomsen dishonoured himself, he dishonoured TSR, but most importantly he dishonoured the readers/fans of the Forgotten Realms who count on these novels for their enjoyment and entertainment. From the weak plot, to the bad writing, to the ridiculous choice of names for the characters, to the jokes that fall flat, to the great lack of knowledge regarding Toril, the book fails miserably!
In short, Once Around the Realms could have been and should have been a fine a addition to Forgotten Realms literature. Instead, the book is offensive to Dungeons & Dragons and a parody of the Forgotten Realms setting.

The book starts out OK. Volo gets stuck with a lazy travelling companion and he is thrown into a world tour adventure that promises all kinds of action in the different cultures and climates of Toril. But although the adventurers travel through all sorts of places the author moves too fast and does a poor job of using the rich variety of cultures that we all know FR has. The author then tries to keep the reader interested throwing at him many well known FR heroes to help out Volo and his friends.

Volo himslef is well depicted in the book. But the travelling companions were not a good supporting cast. The special appearences by the FR heroes leave an even worse impression.

I suppose it would be inevitable given the nature of the Realms and some of its writers that an attempt would be made at such a parody. The Forgotten Realms has more than its share of jokers compared to Greyhawk, only recently "lightened up" by Paul Kidd, or Dragonlance (okay, you can't take kenders seriously, but they aren't really funny if they weren't kenders, if you know what I mean.) From Danilo Thann by Elaine Cunningham, to Giogi Wyvernspur & Olive Ruskettle created by Kate Novak and Jeff Grubb, to the various cast of the short-lived comic series - crew of the Realm Master, centaur heroes of Waterdeep and of course, Maskar Wands, the Forgotten Realms has somehow a strong element Wodehouse humour which fitted right in amidst the Elminsters, the Zhentarims and Cyrics.

It was only a matter of time before someone in TSR thought of "Around the world in 80 days" and the realms was the perfect setting for it; since it had the undisputable candidate who was just perfect for the job: Volothamp Geddarm, author of Lonely Planet of Toril. The fact there was already published an Atlas for the Forgotten Realms was probably an added bonus.

It must have been a difficult choice of places and people to include, but I suppose the author must have done all right not to get killed by other authors for not including their respective pet characters - no, I'm not mentioning who were left out.

Anyway, the story needed a premise, or to put it another way, the author needed a good reason to send Volo around the world. In the absence of the Reform Club in the realms (I suppose the Stalwart Club would do too, but they did not really have a readily recognisable character with such inclinations), the author had Volo goaded into the challenge by Khelben.

Of course, a Passpout had to be included, and since the name was so recognisable, Brian Thomsen didn't bother to play around with it very much. Together, the intrepid travellers, or at least, one intrepid traveller and his reluctant sidekick (notice Passpout didn't change very much), sought to cover the world ASAP. Which was not soon enough for Volo when he discovered the pact he made somehow interfered with his magical abilities.

Always the veteran traveller, Volo though sought out every opportunity to hasten his journey, always on the look out for alternative modes of transport.

Along the way, besides picking up a couple of fellow travellers, they encounter a variety of characters from the realms (such as Drizzt) and out of the realms; i.e., characters from other fictions reprising their cameo roles. What was fun for people who read widely was spotting these characters, like spotting "Where's Wally?". Read it and see if you can find characters from Les Miserables (Victor Hugo), Count of Monte Cristor (Alexander Dumas), Around the world in 80 days (Jules Verne if course, gotta pay a tribute to him who inspired this book), and others.

Oh, of course, like the journey of Phileas Fogg, there is something *sinister* involved as well, you know, just to add a little more fun into it.

This novel was not meant to be a serious work. Something that could be compared to Chaucer, or Shakespeare. The other reviewers seem to have missed that. Its light, full of bad puns and terrible jokes. A pleasent diversion from more serious titles, Once Around the Realms accomplishes its objective to simply be fun.