4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
It will make you appreciate bad movies..., October 14, 2005
This review is from: You Only Die Once (A James Bond Spoof) Special Edition Director's Cut (DVD)
This movie is so bad that I look forward to seeing some movies that suck now. You don't know how crappy a movie can be until you see this. Forget the James Bond spoof angle - this movie is mostly torture with a couple of funny lines in it. I think John Wardlaw went to film school and cut class... No one can act, but the script is even worse. Most of the lines you'll hear in this one are not even words, just grunts and moans. Watch this thing only if you get some sense of adventure from enduring bad films (you don't know what bad is yet).
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
All Those Zeroes Do Add Up to Something!, February 28, 2001
"You Only Die Once" proves that a lack of money is the best thing that can possibly happen to aspiring filmmakers! This 007 knockoff is below low-budget...it's positively subterranean, in fact...but it works, it's entertaining, and it's quite funny! Based upon a trilogy of "Lames Blond" stories director/producer/writer/star John Wardlaw filmed back in the Eighties, "Die Once" teams him with cinematographer/co-star Michael Wilcox. Wardlaw's hero, an Inspector Clouseau-esque secret agent, recovers from a ten-year coma, to investigate a weird ploy by a former nemesis, Melvin Frutilbatle (Mark Rumer), to take over the world by rendering all other men on Earth impotent - yes, you read that right. Before long, Blond (played by Wardlaw) is running into, or away from, legions of black-clad henchmen, and beautiful, but treacherous femme fatales - principally Monique, whose sister put Blond into his long coma during a previous, foiled plot to destroy humanity. The "story" is really just a series of funny bits, taking Blond from southern to northern California, as well as a middle sequence, shot on location in Las Vegas; that's the only part that even looks as if it might have cost some money to produce. Yes, the many sight gags are wince-producing (one, involving faces of Hollywood actors who have portrayed 007, is a howler), as are many of the puns (such as a gun-toting vixen, quite accurately named "Shirley Built")- but you won't mind the wincing, trust me. The stereotypical roles for villains and women are politically incorrect, of course, in the very best Ian Fleming tradition; in fact, some of the ethnic portrayals are downright offensive, if nastily humorous; Wardlaw isn't afraid to make himself look foolish, as the dim-witted "Double-Oh-Zero", for the sake of getting a laugh. This was a student production, made at a photography school, but you'd never know it; it seems really accomplished. My chief complaints lie with the script - it's just a series of scenes that don't really move the plot forward, they just kinda...happen. These are minor quibbles, though, when compared with the entertainment value of the project. This film could take its rightful place, besides such no-budget spoofs as "Hardware Wars" and "The Wizard of Speed and Time" - and trust me, the girls are better-looking in this film. I enjoyed this production, and suspect you will, too!
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Nice Spoof, June 10, 2005
This review is from: You Only Die Once (A James Bond Spoof) Special Edition Director's Cut (DVD)
I love indie movies. It takes a visionary to create something like this from scratch. I love the James Bond Series. I picked this up with "Tommorrow Never Dies". A few million dollars can make a nice movie, but creativity can make a movie priceless. Good work guys. 4****. Waiting for the next spoof! Later : )
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