Customer Reviews

You Only Die Once (A James Bond Spoof) Special Edition Director's Cut

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This movie is so bad that I look forward to seeing some movies that suck now. You don't know how crappy a movie can be until you see this. Forget the James Bond spoof angle - this movie is mostly torture with a couple of funny lines in it. I think John Wardlaw went to film school and cut class... No one can act, but the script is even worse. Most of the lines you'll hear in this one are not even words, just grunts and moans. Watch this thing only if you get some sense of adventure from enduring bad films (you don't know what bad is yet).

"You Only Die Once" proves that a lack of money is the best thing that can possibly happen to aspiring filmmakers! This 007 knockoff is below low-budget...it's positively subterranean, in fact...but it works, it's entertaining, and it's quite funny! Based upon a trilogy of "Lames Blond" stories director/producer/writer/star John Wardlaw filmed back in the Eighties, "Die Once" teams him with cinematographer/co-star Michael Wilcox. Wardlaw's hero, an Inspector Clouseau-esque secret agent, recovers from a ten-year coma, to investigate a weird ploy by a former nemesis, Melvin Frutilbatle (Mark Rumer), to take over the world by rendering all other men on Earth impotent - yes, you read that right. Before long, Blond (played by Wardlaw) is running into, or away from, legions of black-clad henchmen, and beautiful, but treacherous femme fatales - principally Monique, whose sister put Blond into his long coma during a previous, foiled plot to destroy humanity. The "story" is really just a series of funny bits, taking Blond from southern to northern California, as well as a middle sequence, shot on location in Las Vegas; that's the only part that even looks as if it might have cost some money to produce. Yes, the many sight gags are wince-producing (one, involving faces of Hollywood actors who have portrayed 007, is a howler), as are many of the puns (such as a gun-toting vixen, quite accurately named "Shirley Built")- but you won't mind the wincing, trust me. The stereotypical roles for villains and women are politically incorrect, of course, in the very best Ian Fleming tradition; in fact, some of the ethnic portrayals are downright offensive, if nastily humorous; Wardlaw isn't afraid to make himself look foolish, as the dim-witted "Double-Oh-Zero", for the sake of getting a laugh. This was a student production, made at a photography school, but you'd never know it; it seems really accomplished. My chief complaints lie with the script - it's just a series of scenes that don't really move the plot forward, they just kinda...happen. These are minor quibbles, though, when compared with the entertainment value of the project. This film could take its rightful place, besides such no-budget spoofs as "Hardware Wars" and "The Wizard of Speed and Time" - and trust me, the girls are better-looking in this film. I enjoyed this production, and suspect you will, too!

I love indie movies. It takes a visionary to create something like this from scratch. I love the James Bond Series. I picked this up with "Tommorrow Never Dies". A few million dollars can make a nice movie, but creativity can make a movie priceless. Good work guys. 4****. Waiting for the next spoof! Later : )

It is a given that this is a very low budget film. But I was at the theatrical release of this film. It was a theater of around 200 people and there were people standing in the isles to see it. Some, I'm sure, were simply friends of the film makers, others had no idea what they were about to see. What I can say is that everyone I could see (and hear) was laughing. Not quietly to themselves but loudly. Sure some of the jokes are so stupid you may roll your eyes at them but there is a core of BOND jokes that prove the film makers watched a lot of James Bond. The acting is goofy and or silly and the special effects are minimal. For those who are skeptical you can RENT this film at NETFLIX but it is not available at other rental locations at the time of this review. It probably doesn't deserve the 4 stars I am giving it but it also doesn't deserve the 1 star ratings others have given it so I have done this to help the films rating.

I must say I was very disapointed with this film. I'm not sure if my expectations were too high, or my sense of humor is way different then those who made this film. Either way, I would suggest that you rent it first before buying.

I thought much more could have been done with the independent film. I felt the acting could have been better as well as better props and sets. However, it's obvious that the director has a knowledge of Bond films. The names of the characters as well as the plot were very "Bondish".

Being a musician, I was impressed with the theme song. I thought that was just great. But other than the cool tune and the opening credit sequencing I was disapointed.

This is such a bad movie, do not waste your money or time! Even as a spoof it is far from funny!

Item was shipped and received in an expediant manner. Packaged in near perfect condition as promised. No complaints. 3 STARS...the storyline is HORRIBLE and the filming techniques unworthy of the James Bond/Ian Fleming name. A five year old could take better video shots as this picture proves to us!

It is obvious that the actors are having a lot of fun making this spoof. There are some very funny moments. If you are a James Bond fan, you should check this out.