Customer Reviews

Only a Mother Could Love Him - My Story - How I lived with A.D.D. and Overcame It!

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My wife and I are both physicians who've managed children with ADD/ADHD, but our professional experience is dwarfed by our personal experience.

In this domain we are experts.

There are two books that stand out amongst all the hundreds we've scanned and the dozens we've studied. One is 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene.

The other is this book. It's not the best organized or structured book; it's a bit scattered and tangential. It's speculative in places and not "evidence based". The writer is not as polished as Greene, the style is more like a business book than an academic book. All which is to say that the author writes like he really does have ADHD.

No matter, the book works. It's the best source of ideas and insight we've come across in years. I'm particularly intrigued by the focus on deficits in working memory; I think he's right about the importance of this particular disability and it's not been a major topic of research until recently.

It's also very optimistic and encouraging for parents and family. A quick read, I'd recommend buying copies for teachers and grandparents.

now that I have read this book, i can wholeheartedly recommend it to other parents. Our two sons have ADD and have exhibited some (but not all) of the behaviors described in this book. Fortunately we did not have the problems with violence he describes. However, one of our sons became a champion wrestler and I think this was an excellent outlet for him. As Benjamin says, individual sports are very important for the ADD student.

He describes problems in school that accurately reflect our sons' school careers. Excellent grades on tests, next to no homework done, so low GPAs. Like Benjamin, our older son is doing extremely well in college, because he is studying things that deeply interest him (physics) and not things that don't (english literature).

Two things I would change in terms of advice to other parents. Benjamin says that kids should not be medicated daily. We have seen a specialist at NIH who says that the latest evidence shows that daily doses of ritalin or equivalent are actually beneficial. the brain seems to develop new neurotransmitter capabilities if the dosages are kept constant.

the other has to do with reading. Our sons were not interested in reading until we discovered which topics interested them. Our oldest is sports-crazed, so he learned to read box scores at age 5. the first words he read were Philadelphia and Chicago. We bought lots of sports magazines and books and watched sporting events with him to reinforce what he learned in reading. Our younger son was very interested in comics, so we bought every Calvin & Hobbs book. We read them to him over and over and later he learned to read them himself. Great vocabulary builders! Now both are voracious readers. We kept the house awash in books on many topics. If they indicated an interest, we got books on that topic. so they learned to enjoy books.

So, thanks to Benjamin for an inside look at a world that is very difficult for a non-ADD parent to fathom. We wish you well, Benjamin, and all the other parents who are out there dealing with this problem! Your children can definitely grow up to be successful, though it may not feel like at when they are in third grade!

I recommend this book wholeheartedly to anyone needing information on ADHD. My 13 yr. old grandson lives with us and I was at my wits end over his school work and unpredictability. I found this book and just devoured it. It was not long before I could see thru the eyes of my grandson and truly understand some of what he is feeling.

The opinions stated in this book are not always mine, but I found a lot of his insight just so valuable and sometimes humorous. I have highlighted many passages and keep it by my bed so I can remind myself that I am not going crazy. Ben tells it like it is.

Ben Polis is a brilliant young man who should be applauded for his courage in writing this book and sharing his life with us.

I really thought that this book is brilliant. My younger sister Isabelle, she is 9, has A.D.H.D and I never quite understood her. I have at many times told her that she was stupid and that I wished she was never born. She has put a large burden on our family in many ways, yet when I read this book it opended my eyes. It has taught me how to deal with Isabelle in a way that works best for her. I have tried to read books written by doctors and experts on the subject but those made me feel like she was even more "less normal" than I thought, and that I would never understand her. I am so thankful for this book and the opportunities it has opened up for Isabelle and me. I can finally see one of her crazy fits for what it really is, an expression of love.

Ben Polis set out to write a book that would help parents understand their ADHD children. In that regard, I feel he succeeded admirably. It certainly provides a lot of insight into the mind of kid who just can't control himself.

I would absolutely recomment this book to parents who have a child that has, or may have, ADD/ADHD. I would also consider it a must-read for teachers and students aspiring to be teachers. The classroom is a really rough place for kids with ADD and there are too many teachers who'd rather ignore a trouble-maker than actually put the effort into helping them. I think this book might give them what they need to be more compassionate with children who need the attention.

There are a lot of good ideas in this book for staving off temper-tantrums and explaining to the child how he is misbehaving.

I addition to the advice and insight, it's a really touching story. You really get a sense of the sadness and confusion Ben went through, as well as the horror his parents felt on more than one occasion.

The book would probably be great for someone in their teens or older who is living with ADD and wants to feel that they are not alone, or could benefit from his coping strategies.

I do have a couple criticisms. First, it should be noted that while Ben grew up with ADHD, he is not an expert on the subject. His advice comes from personal experience, not research. His techniques, while probably very helpful, will not apply in all cases. There are also times in the book where he simply does not undertand what it is that he's talking about. He tries to talk about stuff that is beyond his own experience, and in a few cases he is not correct, or, for example, displays that he doesn't actually know what the word "symptom" means. The average person will probably not catch these mistakes, but they are there, and it should be remembered that he is not an expert.

The other problem I had was that it was very male-centric. When giving advice he always refers to "your son". The book probably has little to offer parent of daughters with ADHD unless the daughter follows a pattern of symptoms more typical of a boy.

Overall, the book really is excellent. It's a good read and I expect very helpful. But keep in mind, especially if you are a parent of a child with ADHD, that he not an authority.

We have struggled with our grandson's ADHD for 12 years. Both Boys have ADHD, CJ is quiet and introspective, a dreamer, who will explode at the oddest times and yell and scream and become uncontrollable. Billy on the other hand is always in motion, always on "Go". His rage attacks, violent outbursts, trouble at school, home and anywhere there is visual or audio stimulation has been a source of frustration for the entire family.

Many of the items and ideas in your book have been tried, and are still being worked and tweaked. However, your insight is a great benefit.

As I read your book, I realized it was a mirror of Billy, except for the fact that he is in a Special Eduation School, and does not get suspended or expelled. They have to deal with him. This does not eliminate every day care in the area. He was asked to leave all of them even one for "behavior problem" children. In their defense, they did the best they could for as long as they could and I am eternally grateful for the respite care they provided us.

Now I need to take this new knowledge and apply it to our situation. Working with Billy is a timebomb waiting for detonation. We never know when he will "go off", or what will cause the spark.

Basketball competition has been a great comfort, and we hope to start swimming competitions this summer. We have a pool and this has been a big help, but he will start competition in the summer through Special Olympics, another wonderful organization that has been extremely beneficial to Billy and his uniqueness.

I am getting a copy of your book for all family members to read, and another copy for Camp Holiday, the day care for behavior problem children. I encourage every parent/caregiver of an ADHD child to read this book and gain some insight.

A long awaited book.My son is the same age as Ben and it's taken a long time for this condition to be recognised. At last a book that helps parents with school age children. A book that made me laugh and cry yet reassured me as a parent I'm not the only one going through this. I take my hat off to Ben for being able to write such a book to help others. Once I started reading I could not stop, in fact stayed up until 4.00am to read it all. A brilliant book with really good advice.

This book is ok, but I found it hard to focus on Ben's story and experiences. I felt like I had ADHD (which I don't anymore)- with his disjointed story line and how it skips around, like reading a story written by a parrot on crystal meth. It was good though, and he is a pretty good author - I hardly found any spelling mistakes and it was over 100 pages.

All round good book helpful for those seeking support through all of the issues ADHD sufferers experience. Good Work Ben!

I am buying this book due to an interview with the author that was printed in the NY Times. The reference is: August 26, 2003
Attention Disorder Advice, by One Who Knows
By LAURIE TARKAN

As the parent of two ADHD kids and wife of an ADHD adult, it will be very helpful to know how it feels from the inside.

I was at school with Ben Polis. He was a very naughty boy. We had lots of naughty boys at our school. When boys were naughty, us good boys would put them in a big blue junk jinker. Ben spent alot of time in the junk jinker. He behaved himself inside the junk jinker. That's how we triumphed over ADHD.