Customer Reviews

The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and BuildLifelong Resilience

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I am a 6th grade counselor in a private school. After reading this book I used it to prepare a workshop and to help several families abandon child management systems that were highly stressful and unproductive. The workshop got very high ratings and requests for follow ups. Several families reported a significant improvement in their quality of life following interventions based on Dr. Seligman's ideas.

I believe that Dr. Seligman has good intentions when he applies this book to depression but that this emphasis limits the book's potential. It has much broader value and can help almost any family improve the middle school and teen years experience. I am looking forward to helping many more members of our community with the use of this tool.

If you are having difficulty with the 11 to 15 year old developmental process or you just simply want to look at some really good ideas this is a book for you. It is an easy read and well detailed. Enjoy!

I got this book on a bit of a bad parenting day and really, really like it. I'm not really sure which of my kids fit in the "spirited" category but I don't think it really matters, because the information is really interesting and applicable to all family relationships. And, I like how the author talks about not trying to change your kids and how they are, but how to help them learn coping skills to adapt how they are to how the world is and the situations they will encounter (e.g. daughter freaking out in every new situation). The author's tone is so collaborative and "we can do it" as opposed to many parenting books that feel very preachy and "you need to do X and Y".

I'm about 1/3 of the way through it and have dog-eared about 40 pages. :)

This is the most helpful book I have ever read for helping your children cope with anxiety and pessimism. It provides you with tools and techniques for building a solid foundation of optimism. A psychiatrist recommended this to me, and I have since recommended it to friends.

Dr. Seligman has put much effort in the writing of this book. The materal, although aimed for parents, I found it very beneficial Dr Seligman helps me to understand the problem with great case discussion and practical strategies. Especially, the questionnaire used in his study was also included in the book and it was very useful. I enjoy reading the book

I had read this author's book "Learned Optimism" which was oriented to adults. The Optimistic Child gives an emphasis to the parent-child relationship instead which is a great addition to his prior work. I found it a little more technical in its writing than the adult version, but not too difficult to read. I highly recommend it for parents trying to help their children to be positive and optimistic in life.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It isn't always easy to remain positive in today's world, but Dr. Seligman's book gives an easy, commom sense approach to develop and maintain an optimistic view of life and overcome any challenges and obstacles that occur. I highly recommend this book for any parent who wants to develop good coping skills for avoiding depression for his or her children.

I serve on the board of directors for a health and human services organization that serves the needs of children, youth, and families in crisis. Moreover, I spent six and a half years in residential child care from the ages of 11-18. Throughout my life (I am now a very young 55) I have puzzled over the question of why kids given the same opportunities, within virtually the same environment experience success or failure, normalcy or dysfunction, happiness or despair, joy or hopelessness, in such varying degrees and with what seems like complete randomness. The question is as old as time and more complicated as any multivariable predictive model that one would design to determine which infants are bound for success and happiness.

My mother was convicted of child neglect when I was ten years old, this, only months after my father had died of a heart attack. Without a better alternative and my mother's incarceration, I became a ward of the state. Today I hold an MBA and operate a successful consulting practice. My mentors were my caregivers, teachers, coaches, and fellow orphans.

This book based upon the work of Dr. Seligman holds, I believe, a very important key to success. Hope or optimism is the thing without which one does not make an effort to change their current state. By starting early in life and teaching our children, youth, and young adults how to take charge of the negative thoughts and influences there is every reason to believe that they will be empowered to take control themselves. This book is prescriptive in how to apply the lessons learned from practical research and how to make a difference in the lives of people of all ages. Easy to read and without the need for a deep understanding of psychological jargon, any parent, mentor, or influencer of young lives can apply the lessons provided here. I have recommended that the therapists, staff, and volunteers at my organization each be provided copies.

This book outlines Seligman's program to promote optimism in children. Starts w/critique of the self-esteem movement in American ed. & culture, promotes genuine, reality-based optimism & explains how to attain & help kids to attain. Afterword references his Authentic Optimism (©2002).

My evaluation - this is good stuff - think I do most of what's recommended here myself in terms of maintaining an optimistic perspective, for myself + sharing with my wife and 2 daughters who are now aged 5 and 7. The program summarized here is intended for kids a bit older, mainly 10-11 to adolescents. Will flag for possibly looking at in a couple years.

Some specific things I found to be of interest -

Explanatory style (from ch. 11) - 3 critical dimensions are
* permanence (permanent/temporary)
* Pervasiveness (pervasive(cause will affect many situations)/specific)
* Personalization (personal, i.e. I am the cause, vs impersonal, cause = other people or circumstances)
I thought this was good to keep in mind, when explaining events (point being, it's generally better to see bad things that happen as due to temporary, specific and impersonal causes)

Process for Disputation (disputing negative interpretations) - 1) gather evidence (what supports the negative belief); look at alternative ways of viewing the adversity you've encountered; and decatastrophize. Decatastrophizing means to accurately evaluate implications, what-if's - think about worst-case scenario, best-case, and something in between then think about how you would deal with the worst-case + how to make it less likely then how to make the best-case more likely.

This book offers lots of strategies for teaching this stuff to your kids, 1st by modeling it yourself then actively taking them thru various scenarios to deal w/negative things. Also Seligman discusses the need to build their social skills, as creating an optimistic perspective isn't just a matter of inculcating optimism)

I enjoyed this book. It is specific and precise in explaining the philosophies and then how-to's of Dr. Seligman's ideas. It is not a quick read, and it took me a while to get through it. I took a lot of notes, and did a lot of applying to my own life as well as my kids.

Dr. Seligman's basic idea is that you can vaccinate children against depression by helping them be more optimistic. He is careful to explain that "optimism will not make the problems disappear. On the contrary, it allows your child to get to the root of the problem so that she can focus on correcting the situation." He is also very concerned with the scientific proof that his Penn-Prevention program has been successful. He gives a lot of data and examples. I didn't care as much about this. But I suppose it helps you know he isn't just making things up.

A big part of his program is teaching your kids to evaluate the things they tell themselves. To notice the dialogue in their head and then take control of it, "we aimed to teach children that thoughts are verifiable and changeable, that they do not need to believe the first thought that pops into their head." Recognizing what we are telling ourselves, and realizing that it isn't always accurate seems like a really important skill.

"Children who habitually blame themselves when they fail have low self-esteem. They feel guilty and ashamed. Children who blame other people or circumstances.....feel less guilt and shame and they like themselves better. They are also angrier children."

One part that I've been talking to everyone who will listen to me about is the "ABC model." It was developed by Albert Ellis who helped found cognitive therapy (this means nothing to me). "The A stand for adversity. An adversity can be any negative event: a failed vacation, a fight with a close friend, the death of a loved one. The C stand for consequences: how you feel and behave following the adversity. Often it seems that the adversity immediately and automatically produces the consequences. Ellis, however, argues that it is the B--the belief and interpretations about A--that cause the particular consequences." So if I get a D on a test, I might tell myself I am stupid and worthless and won't ever succeed. Or I might tell myself that my teacher is a jerk and writes bad tests. Or I might tell myself that I didn't study enough and I need to work harder next time. Consequently, I would feel depressed, mad or disappointed.

There is a quiz you can give your kids to test their optimism levels. It is based on bad and good events, and whether your child perceives them as permanent or changeable, whether the responsibility is their's or another's, and how pervasive it is in their life.

There are three chapters of discussions and role playing and assignments to work on with your kids that are modeled after Dr. Seligman's Penn Prevention program. One example is reading a dialogue of a boy at a school dance and what he tells himself after he is turned down for a dance. Then you explain to your kid, "When Greg thinks___, he is explaining his rejection by Cindy with Permanent thoughts. This causes Greg to feel sad and he decides....." Then of course there are contrasting dialogues that show other possible reactions. I liked reading through these, and thought they were valuable in explaining and really spelling out what his program is about.

There is valuable information about depression. For example, "The depressive's habit of thinking that the future is bleak, the present unbearable, the past filled with defeat, and the self without the ability to improve matters creates the low mood, the lack of zest, and the somatic symptoms of depression." And, "teach the depressive to change her habits of thinking, to decatastrophize, and all the rest of the symptoms would evaporate."

There is a section about the right way to criticize. This was perfectly logical and helpful to read. It goes well with the right way to praise as outlined in NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children. "The first rule is accuracy. Exaggerated blame produces guilt and shame beyond what is necessary to galvanize the child to change....The second rule is that whenever reality allows, you should criticize with an optimistic explanatory style.....When they blame changeable and specific causes of the problem, the child begins to learn optimism. Any time you find your child to be at fault, it is important to focus on specific and temporary personal causes....and avoid blaming the child's character or ability." He uses lots of examples to illustrate his points.

At times phrases are repeated and some ideas even seem repetitious, but it didn't get on my nerves like some books. And given the length of time it took me to get through this, sometimes I even liked the reminders!

I liked the sound principles discussed and demonstrated in this book, and I was relieved to see that we are moving away from the Self-Esteem Movement where individuals were praised regardless of their behavior. Under those circumstances, praise becomes meaningless and children move toward an attitude of entitlement. For the last decade the term "consequence" has been considered to be politically incorrect, but there are consequences to everything we do--either positive consequences or negative consequences. I found Dr. Seligman's book to be both refreshing and sound. Highly Recommended!