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Ostracism: The Power of Silence

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Kip Williams's "Ostracism" presents a fairly full and detailed (and roughly chronological) account of his research into ostracism. In addition, it presents his psychological theory of the ways in which ostracism in experienced and interpreted by people, and the subsequent consequences of this for the individual effected.

The book begins with the outcomes of qualitative research into short-term victims and "sources" of ostracism. Qualitiative research conducted with long-term victims of ostracism is also presented - the most harrowing instance of which involves a woman who was subjected to the silent treatment by her husband for 30 years.

The book moves on to discuss role-playing and laboratory research into ostracism. It also presented Williams's theoretical model and specific applications of ostracism in real-life settings such as the workplace. Unfortunately, the book provides little solid advice (but for a few anecdotes) on how to counter ostracism or the silent treatment in a consistently effective manner.

I have used an ostracism demonstration in university classrooms that was developed by Kip Williams (the train ride role play) and it is a very powerful demonstration of how strongly people feel isolation - even in contrived situations.

I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in psychology. For people interested in the topic of ostracism in particular, you should also read "The Social Outcast" edited by Williams and Forgas.

Ostracism is basically being shunned, ignored, exiled, banished or treated as you don't exist. It is known by many names such as the silent treatment, no speaks and being silenced. Its so prevalent in our society that 67% of Americans surveyed admitted to using it and 75% of those surveyed admitted to having received it. Ostracism is a Greek word and it can be traced back to Athens in Greece around 487BC where it was considered a form of punishment. Even today over 1500 years later ostracism is still generally seen as a form of punishment and its still mainly used to punish. Ostracism can be used individually, it can be used by groups, it can be used in the work place and it can even be used on the Internet. Williams examines all forms of ostracism in this book and how they all seem to threaten four needs: the need to belong, the need for a high self-esteem, the need to control and the need to have a meaningful existence. Ostracism threatens all four of these needs which makes it powerful. Different forms of ostracism have different effects but they all seem to have an impact on four essential needs. The research is fascinating in the sense the experiments create exactly the same effects as those who have been ostracised for real. But as William admits in the book it raises more questions than it answers and a lot more research is required.

The book is full of stories of people who have given the silent treatment (sources) and those who have received it (targets). Williams became fascinated with ostracism in 1977 after watching a TV movie which recounted a young cadet who was ostracised at the US Military Academy at West Point for 19 months. The cadet's life there was a living hell as his mail would go missing to his belongings being vandalised. A young Aboriginal prisoner at a Townsville prison was found walking between the fences in the hope of being caught trying to escape. Why did he do this? He had be ostracised by the other prisoners to the point he was beginning to question his own existence. He just wanted someone to notice him so he would know he existed. The book is full of stories like these which are fascinating to read because no two people react to ostracism the same way. Some people have no trouble using the silent treatment on someone and will use it all the time. Some people don't have a problem using the silent treatment but they must have a very good reason for its use it's not something they would use all the time. Some people will only use the silent treatment as a last resort and some will use it but they feel very guilty in doing so and would prefer not to use it. Williams recommends that its use be avoided or if it must be used Williams recommends the target be informed of why it is being used, how long its going to be used for and when it is going to end.

Williams presents a model for understanding ostracism in the book but admits a lot more work is required on the model. The model is far from complete but its a starting point to understanding this complex social phenomena. The model is used throughout the book but never to explain how the targets feel and their reactions to the ostracism. He gives very little attention to them in the book he's focus is mainly on the sources. He notes the model may be extended to targets in the future but they are generally neglected in the model. He does discuss the targets in the book looking at their stories and how they felt. He does note that some targets reported pretending it was not happening was one way of dealing with it. Towards the end Williams does talk about what targets can do about receiving the silent treatment but he addresses it rather briefly. His advice to targets is you can try to talk to them about it but there is no guarantee they will talk or even stop. Once ostracism starts it can be very difficult to stop for it requires one to admit they were wrong to use it and one may be reluctant to do so if the ostracism was wrongly applied. Sometimes the best solution to being the target of ostracism Williams comments is to leave the situation or environment and try to regain those lost needs elsewhere.

The Amish call it "slow death."

Anyone who has observed or experienced shunning, exile, or ostracism by individuals, groups, in the workplace -- and now cyberspace, will gain valuable insight from this well-researched book. If you or your child are constantly being left out, bullied, ignored, set apart, or otherwise excommunicated from social and religious groups or by family members, this book is essential.

Dr,Williams presents his easy to understanding work from which to garner a clear understanding of one of the most neglected and least understood ways in which ostracism, imposed isolation, exile, and/or the silent treatment can lead to psychological denial of one's own existance--and even death. By presenting the points of view of both "sources" and their "targets" he shows the consequences to the target and the control needs of the source. The author's comprehensive view of the severence of bonds as a means of control by the source, and how such treatment threatens many of most basic fundamental human needs: belonging, bonding, self-esteem, meaningful existance, and the need for control over one's own life.

William's hits the nail on the head when he states "...we might expect that researchers in clinical psychology,counseling, or family therapy would have devoted at least some attention to the silent treatment, yet little or no mention has been given to the silent treatment in these fields." (p. 15.) I would also add clergy, domestic violence professionals, and teachers among those who could benefit from understanding of this highly dangerous and destructive behavior that to date rarely appears in the literature.

For those already credentialed, and for students in the social sciences, this book should be added to the canon of required reading.

This is the best book I've read in a long time. It is amazingly easy to read given how much data and information is packed into it. What an important topic! Thanks to the author and those who inspire and support him--Bravo!

At first, I thought this would be of interest only to academics, but then I was amazed to read so many real life anecdotes and terrifying stories of people whose lives were ruined by getting or giving the silent treatment.

This was an excellent book!

Because of this book, I have been able to see my own behavior more clearly, and have sustained conversations and relationships when my first response would have been to terminate them - with silence! One of the most interesting anecdotes reveals that it is very difficult to stop ostracizing someone. Highly recommended.

I never thought that I would read a psych book that was like
Harry Potter! I just couldn't put it down! It was a gripping read!