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113 of 123 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Why people love her or hate her (and an aside about giving books fair reviews), February 19, 2006
If you read the reviews here, it is pretty easy to figure out who truly appreciates Ayelet Waldman's writing and who has a vendetta against her (the reasons are elaborated below). I am updating this review since the book is now the basis of a movie "The Other Woman" starring the talented actress Natalie Portman (as of this writing she has gotten buzz for her role in "The Black Swan" and promises to bring equal passion to "The Other Woman") I discovered one of Waldman's mystery books years ago, one set in suburbia with a heroine who managed to set things right in spite of dealing with all the usual distractions of parenting, from car pools to household disasters. I liked the book a great deal as well as the author's writing. I knew very little about the author but I did receive a nice letter from her after I wrote a glowing review of her mysteries. At the time, I had no idea Waldman was about to be at the center of a controversy, especially after she spilled her guts on her website, "Bad Mommy", writing about suicidal feelings, abortions and other issues which made some parents attack her viciously. You may still be able to see some of her posts at that site, although I believe she is about to end that blog and move on to writing for Salon, the online magazine. At this point in time, she may have moved on to other pursuits. Controversy aside, I DID like this new book (Love and Other Impossible Pursuits). Many readers may not find the idea of a mistress who steals another woman's husband to be to their liking but it is to Waldman's credit that she doesn't turn away from the messier aspects of life or from presenting characters who are less than noble. Parenthood also is seen as both challenging and, at times, absolutely horrendous. I can relate to that. I love being a parent but have days when I fall into bed absolutely exhausted, glad the day has ended. Thankfully, those days are in the minority. But anyone who writes about parenthood or any relationship (marriage, dealing with older parents...take your pick) and leaves out the bumps in the road isn't the kind of writer I find believable. Anyway, I urge you to stick with this book because you won't be able to predict where it is going and you'll get much out of learning how the main character evolves...and evolve she does. I actually found myself drawn to her....or, at least, somewhat sympathetic for a person who suffered that much. Now, HERE'S WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SOME OF THE OTHER REVIEWS and why some of them may not have given her a fair shake: As noted above, Waldman has been the center of some controversy due to her "Bad Mommy" blog, a place where she actually writes openly about subjects which set some parents on edge, even to the point of hatred.Some are quite sanctimonious and judgmental, even though I have a feeling more than a few of them have some painful secrets of their own, ones they aren't so willing to share. Many people do. Waldman was also a regular visitor to UrbanBaby, something that won't be a secret once you start reading Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, since it is mentioned in the book quite a few times. She is hardly a rabid fan of the site and she passes judgment on some of the other parents there. Fans of UrbanBaby may take offense from this. Because of this, I caution readers to give this book a fair shake. Waldman is a good writer and she strives for integrity and honesty. Love this book or hate it but do so because of the book itself, the writing and whether it truly engages you. Separate that from how you may feel about Waldman herself. To do anything less is to be unfair to the work itself and to the world created there.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
But Love Is Possible..and Maybe, too, Other Pursuits, April 8, 2007
This review is from: Love and Other Impossible Pursuits (Paperback)
As a guy unaware of Ayelet Waldman's background, I was intrigued enough by the title, LOVE AND OTHER IMPOSSIBLE PURSUITS, to buy it. I assumed it would be about someone who really wants to love but can't figure out how it's done or whether love exists. But that's not what this story is about. It's about a cold, quick witted mother, Emilia, who's got issues long as a hopeful kid's Christmas list: a dead infant daughter, an apparent know-it-all five year old stepson; problems with men (her husband and her dad); problems with women (her mom, all moms with infants, her husband's first wife). Kavetch she doesn't. She tries to keep going, but she navigates as poorly through NYC (could anyone be more hopeless at hailing a cab in the rain?) as she does through relationships--all the while refusing to condesend to using any sort of guide (a map, a therapist). I enjoyed the evolution of her relationship with the smartest five year old in the world, feeling bad for all parties as they stumbled about. And I kept turning the pages until Emilia got to a really bad place that made her truly human but isolated. I didn't know how Waldman was going to convincingly bring this story to a conclusion, but hats off to her--she movingly pulled off the magic. Along the way, I hope I've become more compassionate to couples who have lost infants, step-families and really smart five year olds. Next time I see fiction by Ayelet Waldman, I'll pick it. I imagine that like her heroine, she's tough, smart, boldly honest but unlike her heroine, she knows her way around human hearts.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Highly readable, February 26, 2007
This review is from: Love and Other Impossible Pursuits (Paperback)
I really enjoyed this book, even though I set out thinking I'd dislike it, following the articles I'd read by Ms Waldman about her relationship to her husband and children. It was difficult to read this book without wondering what might be autobiographical: as in her articles, the character is very vocal about her near-obsessive love for her husband; she's a lawyer (Ms W is a former lawyer); the husband has been married before (as was the case with Ms W's real-life husband, Michael Chabon) and the character experienced a tragic loss (the character loses a baby to SIDS; in real life, Ms W had a pregnancy she had to terminate at quite a late stage). Reading the book, I wondered about the reality of both the character and Ms Waldman: can a relationship continue with this kind of obsessive love propelling it? At one point in the book, the character talks about her love being a destructive thing, and I imagine it to be so. I found these kinds of questions fascinating as I was reading them. I think Ms Waldman gets a lot of the emotions really right in the book. How Emilia can't walk by a park and watch children playing without thinking of her baby daughter. The fact that she doesn't want another baby, despite people telling her it'll help her heal. She, on the other hand, knows that a baby won't take away the loss of her dead daughter, and would instead prefer to sacrifice any future babies if this would mean getting Isobel back. From what I know, I think that's much truer to what someone would feel if they were in that situation. So a lot of this book rang true for me. There's something quite nutty about Emilia, and, by extension, Ms Waldman, but that just made the book more fascinating for me. I'd love to know how close it is to her true-life situation.
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