Customer Reviews

Love and Other Natural Disasters

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Love and Other Natural Disasters is an incredibly thought-provoking book that will leave the reader pondering long after the novel is finished. It's a great question, especially for those who are in a serious relationship or are married: what constitutes betrayal? Does it have to be physical? Of course it's okay for your partner to have friends of the opposite sex. If there is no physical element, when does that friendship turn into something more? Where is that line? When exactly does it become betrayal? Can emotional straying actually be worse than physical?

These are great questions that are especially relevant in today's computer age. And I have to say, I had some trouble making up my mind as to whether Eve was completely justified in her anger. I don't argue that a relationship doesn't have to be physical; emotional betrayal is completely possible and is a serious issue. But I just wasn't sure how to respond to Jon's betrayal and Eve's response in the novel. Sometimes I thought she was totally justified; other times I felt like she was being cruel and petty. I think this is purposeful on the part of the author. She does a great job demonstrating that there were underlying issues in Jon and Eve's marriage that led to the betrayal. It's no use trying to tackle the betrayal issue if you don't face the other problems as well.

The author is a therapist by day, and it really shows in her characters. They are all well-developed and fully realized, but they aren't perfect. They act like normal humans; when Jon hurts Eve, she lashes out at him. She doesn't mean to be cruel, but it's a standard reaction. I appreciated this in Love and Other Natural Disasters. The conflicts weren't created in order to move the plot along and add length to the book. Instead, it seems like the reader has a window into a real couple acting out a real drama.

The thing I probably liked best about the novel is the end message: it takes two to create a problem in a relationship. I appreciated how Shumas didn't characterize the conflict as one-sided. Yes, Jon was at fault. But so was Eve. It's too easy, especially in chick lit, to blame the man for betrayal and leave it at that. That's not always the case, which Shumas points out in Love and Other Natural Disasters. This book will most likely leave the reader with some mixed feelings, but it will definitely give you something to think about.

This novel is about marriage and self-discovery. It is also about taking the people who we love for granted and making assumptions that we know what it is that they desire. Most importantly, this book is about making the decision to love despite the difficulties that life bring which infiltrate into that love.

Eve is a soon-to-be mother of two with just a little over a month left of her pregnancy. She is married to Jon, lives in the Berkeley/San Francisco area in the suburbs with their son, Jacob. On Thanksgiving, her husband receives a call that detained him from returning to the family party. Eve assumes the worse... something with the baby has gone wrong and it was the doctor on the phone. She was right about one thing, something has gone terribly wrong, but it's not the baby. Rather, it's her husband's "other baby" Laney, a hottie from Chicago who Jon has been having an "emotional affair" with for over a year. Of course, Laney is crying in the phone to Jon about her holiday loneliness and he attempts to soothe her. Eve overhears this conversation and eventually the "discussion" between Eve and Jon occurs while others wait at the dinner table. This leads to the abrupt termination of the Thanksgiving Family Feast and Eve giving Jon the boot from the home. While Jon is away at a hotel, Eve cracks into his email account and commences her review of all of the emails between Jon and Laney.

There is a cast of accompanying characters: Tamara her best friend, yet who is connected to Jon via her soon-to-be fiancé; Lil her son's friends mother who is fun, eccentric and sexy; Charlie, her brother; her mother; and her co-worker Dyan. They all play interesting parts in this story in being her sounding board for her relationship woes with her husband. Jon does everything in his power to reunite and correct the wrongs of the past. Eve sabotages him at every corner, including uninviting him to the birth of their daughter Olivia. Despite counseling and all efforts, it seems that nothing will bring this couple back together. I find myself blaming Eve for this more so than Jon.

This book raises questions about fidelity. Which is worse - physical or emotional cheating? It is also about forgiveness and the power that brings to love.

On Sher's "Out of Ten Scale":

This book I could put into the genre: fiction, chick-lit. Was it good? Well, it was an average book, in my opinion. However, it needs to be noted that for an "average" book, it was well written, developed and thought through. I did not get bored of the book or lose interest in the outcome. So, that means that Shumas did give me some nuggets to hold onto while reading the book. I can see how this topic would be hard for some women to read, especially married ones. But, I can say that Shumas is a good writer and I'm glad that I read this book. So, on my scale, I'm going to give this a 7 out of 10.

Eve, a pregnant wife and mother. She never sees that her life could change from its suburbia, soccer mom state to what she grew up with, father figures who weren't right, a mom who wavered and a family that was being torn apart.

Her husband's emotional affair bubbled to the surface on Thanksgiving day during their afternoon dinner. From then on it was all downhill. She questions every motive and feeling that Jon (her cheat husband) has ever displayed towards her. Has he ever really loved her at all?

Seriously, what did I think? Well...it was kinda like reading a bad dream or a nightmare. I think that may be what the author was aiming for, but it was too much for me. I read it late into the night and then had those scary dreams that start after you have done something horrible and you know it is horrible, but you can't go back and change it. Most of the night I had dreams like that.

To me it seemed that the point Holly Shumas was getting at is that emotional affairs do come with just as many consequences as physical affairs and that our society needs to understand and recognize that. For me though, I believed that already and more than anything now I just get to go though and clear my mind out of all the negativity from Eve and Jon's constant fighting and caos.

I did find the book interesting, I did. It was almost like that TV show that you know you should just quit but you can't because you want to know how they end up. It was too much emotional trauma for me to handle. I live the books I read and because of that I need to be careful with what I read, this was not a great choice for me. All that said, it was intriguing, interesting and suspenseful. I thought that it was well written and insightful as well, now I know more than ever before....that I don't want to ever go there, and that it is much easier than you think to make some poor choices that will impact your whole family.

LOVE AND OTHER NATURAL DISASTERS
Holly Shumas
Grand Central Publishing
5 Spot Paperback Original
$13.99
ISBN: 978-0-446-50477-7
352 pages
Reviewer: Annie Slessman

When one says their husband has had an affair, the first thing that comes to mind is "sex." However, that is not always the correct definition of affair. One can have an emotional affair like Jonathan, the husband of LOVE AND OTHER NATURAL DISASTERS main character, Eve.

The premise of the book is whether an emotional affair is just as bad as a sexual one. Can Eve forgive Jonathan's betrayal or will she begin a new life without him? The book describes Eve's own emotional turmoil as she deals with Jonathan's betrayal of their marriage. Adding to the dilemma is the fact that Eve is pregnant with their second child. She kicks him out of his home and he takes refuge at the home of his mother. A mother who has never accepted Eve as part of her family. Moreover, Eve insists that Jonathan seek counseling if she is even to consider taking him back into their home. He contacts a counselor immediately, begs Eve's forgiveness sets in place a plan to regain Eve's trust.

The dilemma of whether an emotional affair is as serious as or even more serious than a sexual one makes for some interesting reading. Jonathan shared his deepest feelings in the affair, which makes Eve question everything about their marriage. Things he once shared but no longer shares with Eve were shared in this affair. Has their marriage always been a falsehood?

This book would make great summer reading, a book to read in front of a roaring fire or one that would make a lazy afternoon even more enjoyable. This is Holly Shumas's second novel and this reviewer would guess it will not be her last.

Love and Other Natural Disasters by Holly Shumas is the book that begs the question; "Can one cheat on one's spouse without actually having sex?" Pregnant Eve discovers on Thanksgiving that her husband, Jonathon, has been embroiled in an emotional relationship with another woman. She is immediately angered and ready to place blame at Jonathan's feet. However, the question is how much of a contribution did she make to Jonathan seeking another woman for conversation? Or did she contribute at all? More importantly, what will the couple discover about their marriage and commitment?

Love and Other Natural Disasters is a very timely book in this age of emails, and social networks that allow a certain amount of intimacy without actually touching another person. It makes one wonder what really constitutes cheating, and if in some cases emotional attachments can be more hurtful than sexual indiscretions. Ms. Shumas brings to light a topic that will be discussed over and over again. Though the book moved a bit slowly, it would allow for interesting book club discussions. I recommend Love and Other Natural Disasters to readers who enjoy women's fiction about current topics.

Angelia Menchan
APOOO BookClub

At a family Thanksgiving dinner, eight months pregnant Eve goes to check on her husband, who been on the phone for quite awhile. She overhears him "speaking to someone with great tenderness." When she questions him on who it was, he replies....just a friend. Eve ends the dinner and pursues the question further. Her husband Jon admits that he has been emailing and talking on the phone almost daily to a woman for almost a year, but there has been no physical intimacy. She asks him to leave.

" Did I believe that Jon loved me? Yes. But the value of his love - our love - changed that night. And what do you do with devalued love?"

Her family and friends are all relieved that he hasn't had sex with this woman - surely it's not so bad then?

What an interesting question. Is a physical affair worse than an emotional affair? How can they be compared or measured? Both are betrayals.

I found myself greatly disliking the husband at first, immediately branding him the wrongdoer. It was cut and dried as far as I could see. Eve goes through many stages. Some of them I had difficulty with, especially at the end, which left me somewhat conflicted. I enjoyed the supporting cast of characters, especially the brother Charlie, who moves in with Eve and faces his own growing pains. Eve's friends are somewhat predictable, but are used to present both sides of the equation.

Shumas, who is a practicing family and marriage therapist, has created believable characters faced with real life dilemmas. She explores the anatomy of a marriage. What led up to this emotional affair? Can this perfidy be forgiven? Can a marriage survive this? Would you want it to? Thought provoking and sure to engender discussion, this would be a great choice for a book club.

Which is worse? A sexual affair or an emotional affair? What would you do if you found out your husband was involved in a long distance emotional relationship with another woman? This book explores quite well what happens when a marriage that seems to have everything right is shaken by an emotional affair.

While the story handles a rough topic, it is not handled in a sloppy way. The way Eve deals with her discovery rings true. I think that Shumas' experience as a therapist really gives truth to the topic and a way to see all sides more clearly. I think there are also solutions presented in this book that can really help the reader with their current relationship. We all have opinions of how we would handle an affair of any kind, but truly it isn't until you are faced with the scenario that you really know what steps you will take, and even then you wonder if they are right.

I truly enjoyed this book even though it was not easy at times. I was once in a relationship with a man involved in an emotional affair (also via long distance) and it was a very painful experience. I found myself reliving it a bit...well a lot really. I definitely think that an emotional affair is just as damaging as a sexual affair and quite possibly even more so.

Lesson Learned: COMMUNICATE with your partner. If you have questions...ask. If you still have questions...ask again. Tell what you are feeling. If there is anyone that you should be an open book to it is your partner. :)

Jonathan and Eve are the happily married parents of Jacob and have another child on the way. At least that's what Eve thinks until she overhears Jon on the phone with Laney on Thanksgiving Day. Laney works in the Chicago office of Jon's company. Their conversation seems to be very intimate, but Jon insists that they're just friends. Eve kicks Jon out of the house even though he claims that he's never had sex with Laney.

Eve is distraught and reads Jon's email. She discovers that Laney has come to see Jon and that Jon "feels love" for Laney. As far as she can tell, they've never had sex, just a year-long emotional affair. Eve is full of anger, so their attempts at reconciliation fail. Then, Jon learns that Eve has read his e-mail and he becomes angry too. After a serious blow-up, Eve joins Jon at counseling. It is not until a friend makes a comment that Eve realizes she needs to accept responsibility for her part in everything. They have to decide if they want to work at starting over again.

I really enjoyed Love and Other Natural Disasters by Holly Shumas. I was expecting it to be chick-lit, but found it to be more than that. I found it to be thought provoking as well as somewhat educational. Holly Shumas is a marriage and family therapist - this is her second novel. She even included 5 ways to disaster-proof your relationship in the back of the book.

During Thanksgiving with her spouse and their five years old son Jacob, eight months pregnant Eve thinks her Jonathon is having an affair, sort of. She sees how friendly he is on the phone with some unknown female and concludes where there is smoke there is fire. He denies her accusations.

Eve opens his e-mail, which affirms he never physically touched the other woman, but shared a deep emotional relationship with her. However, Eve and Jon also realize how much they had drifted apart when both considers whether it is worth saving their marriage for themselves and not just the kids.

This is a thought provoking deep look at what is cheating in a relationship especially in the electronic age. Fans will ponder whether one is stepping out on a spouse although there is no physical contact between the mate and the other person. Holly Shumas also raises the ethical question of whether it is ethically acceptable to perform domestic spying when a spouse suspects their mate of an affair; especially to check the personal email to find evidence they are cheating. Although the story line is a bit slow as the focus is deeply on the emotional behavior of the lead couple, readers will appreciate this fascinating sharp tale that asks what denotes cheating in the modern age.

Harriet Klausner

The Blurb: Eve is eight months pregnant and in the middle of a Thanksgiving celebration when she discovers that her husband Jonathan has developed an intimate relationship with a woman over the past year. Jonathon asserts his innocence (an affair involves physical intimacy, and he didn't have any), while Eve feels deeply betrayed by the emotional connection he shared with someone else. What Jon has done seems so terrifyingly out of character that Eve finds herself questioning her entire reality. Did she ever really know Jon at all? Was their happiness together a lie? Is emotional intimacy more forgivable than sexual intimacy? And can their marriage survive?

Despite the predictable story arc and the stereotypical scorned wife angst, the book is an enjoyable read, full of wit, wisdom, and sarcastic humour. The writing is insightful, full of sensitivity and exploratory depth. The characters are just dysfunctional enough that everyone can relate and find them mildly amusing. The side characters actually saved the book for me with their timely anecdotes, which were a good thing, as I grew very tired of the main character's whining by the mid-point. Even those familiar with the troubled marriage formula will enjoy it, though I felt rather disgusted that this subject has been reduced to a formula. I guess that's why therapists make money hand over fist.

However, I must interject a word of caution here: This type of book can be very dangerous. The underlying message is presented a bit too purposefully and one-dimensionally. If the phone call were to have been one of Jon's male friends, this story would not exist, and I would hate to see people read this book and immediately destroy their own marriage based on the assumptions of such a broad sweeping diagnosis. So, this review will be more opinion and conjecture of the subject matter and plot than anything else.

Humans need to develop deep emotional connections in order to grow. The misguided expectation that a marriage/marriage partner can fill that need in its entirety is an expectation based on a long perpetuated delusion, thus turning a fulfilling and desirable state of being into a prison. This notion is accurately portrayed within the context of the story. We vow fidelity to our partners, but fidelity should not constitute the complete and utter banishment of all outside of the marriage: that includes hobbies, work, and deep meaningful friendships whether they are with the opposite sex or not. Not all deep emotional connections developed outside of the marriage are romantic affairs. Some people cannot make that distinction and feel threatened by anything and everything that creeps into their idealized marital world. "I should be enough." How often do we hear that? Moreover, how arrogant, naïve, and self-centred does a person have to be to think that they could be the end all be all of another's existence? Enter our main character:

Eve has very deep-seated personal issues, and those issues very quickly distort what might have been an innocuous occurrence. Her mother's past experiences with dead-beat dads, her own lack-lustre feelings of self-worth due to her father abandoning her, her insecurities, her unresolved feelings of anger, her delusional dogma ... all this affects her ability to gain perspective and move forward constructively in dealing with the situation. She readily admits that one must hold their ground, even if they know they are wrong.

In the reading guide, an affair is defined as being: emotional intimacy greater than the marriage, sexual tension, and secrecy. First, sexual tension between opposite sex friends cannot be avoided, and it is a healthy interaction, for it keeps the feelings of potency alive in a casual, non-threatening manner. Eve's husband is not a eunuch for crying out loud, and yet, he had no physical relationship with Laney. Nothing in the emails indicated deeper intimacy or a desire to be with her over his own wife. The conversations were banal even though he obviously felt some sort of love for the woman. We do feel love for someone we consider a confidante and friend. As far as secrecy, Jon really didn't stand a chance here no matter what. Even if he had introduced Laney into their lives straight away, the result would have been the same. Eve would have instantly assumed affair and felt threatened. We don't even get much about Laney in the story, because the author, a marriage therapist by profession, has chosen to portray her as the time honoured psychologically defined "symptom." She is an object, a vague and unfamiliar entity. She is not human; she is the personification of all that is evil. This portrayal condemns the relationship to that of an affair and not a bona fide friendship. Smacks of agenda to me. I felt in this case that the reader was not given the opportunity to form their own objective opinion.

As the story progresses, we get a deep in-depth look at Eve's personal psychology, and it isn't pleasant. The story becomes less and less about what Jon did and whether or not it was wrong to how wrong she needed it to be in order to satisfy her need to validate and wallow in her own displaced anger. She rebuffs those opinions that don't match with her own and embraces the ones that do. She labels her brother a loser and yet secretly envies his ability to embrace human unpredictability. She condemns her mother as a woman who lacks radar and a backbone, and she continually spouts her own rhetoric on how adults behave. Even in the end, we get a glimpse of hope that Eve's journey of self-discovery has ended in an epiphany, but not more than a few pages later, the epiphany is completely negated with an arrogant and self-righteous declaration that she "gave it her best shot." She says this knowing full well, and having admitted, that she hadn't given the marriage her best shot, not even from the very beginning. Jon may have made a mistake, but I felt that Eve actually destroyed the marriage.

Therefore, overall, one should remember, this is a work of fiction, and broad sweeping diagnosis is a dangerous tack to take. If a spouse is concerned over intimacy levels between their partner and someone outside of the marriage, they should discuss the situation before any reactionary judgements are made and one spouse feels pressured to relinquish control to the other and eliminate connections to humanity that might be truly beneficial. Eve made her decision instantly based on one phone call and her own pathology. It's easy to validate and justify a decision you have already made, but it's not easy to fix the damage such decisions cause. In this, the book is disturbingly accurate. With some external friendships, the connection is so deeply felt that it can and sometimes does cross the line. Those involved in such friendships need to step back and seek perspective before there is no turning back. Is it real, or is it the manifestation of deeper
marital or personal psychological issues. Each situation is different and should be treated that way. Every relationship we nurture in our lives has its own unique value, meaning, love, and its own place. Therapy can help when confusion sets in, which sadly, is something our main character Eve never once seriously considered for herself.