The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition [Paperback]

Amity Pierce Buxton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 24, 1994

Candid, compassionate, authoritative--a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance. "The first major work on the topic." --Gay Community News "A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis. --The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians "The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children's reactions to a parent's coming out. Well-researched and insightful." --Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option "Anybody practicing in this area would be well advised to read this book." --Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family's journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton's eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counseling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

An invaluable book incorporating the author's seven years of research and interviews with hundreds of spouses with insights derived from her own teaching and counseling work. Contains stories and tactics for straight spouses and their families to constructively cope with a mate or family member who declares his/her homosexuality. Analyzes six key issues a straight spouse faces when a partner `comes out' including damaged sexuality, threatened marital relationships, conflicting spouse/parent roles, devalued self-concept, destroyed integrity and shattered belief systems.

About the Author

AMITY PIERCE BUXTON, Ph.D., lectures nationally, conducts support groups and counsels spouses and ex-spouses of bisexual, gay, and lesbian mates. She chairs the International Straight Spouse Support Network of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). She also serves as spouse liaison to the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International (GLPCI).

Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Wiley; Revised and Expanded Edition edition (May 24, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0471021520
• ISBN-13: 978-0471021520
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #481,231 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #43 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Coming Out
  • #53 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Bisexuality

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Less-than Helpful for Bisexuals, December 21, 1996

By A Customer

This review is from: The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition (Paperback)

I was excited when I saw the title of this book. For years I had been disappointed to see that the mass media never seemed to take into account that a person who is coming out in a marriage could be bisexual. I hoped this book would be different, but it was not. If there was a reference to bisexuality in this book, I could not find it. I certainly hope that someone can prove me wrong. The message I read, however, was "wives, don't event attempt to save your marraige. It is over, there is no way your husband will ever be interested in you." This book leaves absolutely no possibility that a man might actually love and sexually desire his wife, but still struggle with being attracted to other men. I have heard others who have reported having the same reaction to reading this book - it lacks a true bisexual perspective. I would look forward to another book by Ms. Pierce Buxton on this subject that allows for the possibility that the person coming out might be bisexual.

26 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It saved my life!, May 7, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition (Paperback)

This book concentrates on how the coming out process affects the straight spouse, which is often forgotten when the homosexual partner is going through the trauma of the coming out process. If you are in this situation you will be shocked at how similar the stories in the book are to your own story! It deals with moral issues, parental issues, self-confidence issues, sexuality issues, and much more. If you are married to (or suspect you are married to) a homosexual person of either sex, this is a must read, whether or not you decide to stay in the marriage. Thank you Dr. Buxton for writing this book!

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The ONE book you need if you find out your spouse is gay, April 18, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition (Paperback)

This book turned my head around like hundreds of hours of therapy couldn't do... saved me thousands of dollars on anti-depressants. Thank you, Amity Pierce Buxton! This book is the ultimate resource for the spouse who finds their husband/wife is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Finally, someone acknowledges the pain, the confusion, the guilt, the incredible blows to self-esteem that happen to the spouse of someone with sexual-orientation issues.... I am so glad I found this book... Until the moment I discovered it, I thought the failure of my marriage to a bisexual was my fault, and that just one more therapist or self-help book could turn things around. With this book, I found out that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't alone, and that life could go on for me. Life changed immediately. Buy it... join the Straight Spouse Network... take charge of your life again.